Last Man Standing (2002)

On the DVD menu it gives the director's bio to Michael Raven, who served as executive producer on this mess made for his Sin City label, shielding the blame from credited (on screen) director Jack Vincennes, the erstwhile cameraman and better known as Francois Clousot, still cranking out features two decades later over at Digital Playground.

No script credit is the signal we're in trouble: the story gimmick is as old as the hills, and just watching the hills is less boring than what Clousot does with it. Four buddies make a pact, suggested by Chris Cannon, who perhaps comes off with the best acting performance here (not much of a compliment), that whoever is the "last man standing" unmarried will be the recipient of a mutual fund pool the guys plan to pay into monthly. It ends up being valued at more than $600,000 by film's end, and reminds me of the usual mainstream version of this format, namely the concept of a tontine, in a novel dating back to Robert Louis Stevenson of the last survivor getting the fortune, "The Wrong Box", filmed by Bryan Forbes and starring Michael Caine.

The misadventures, schemes and turnabouts en route to one guy being the last of the four to marry unfold in stupid fashion, merely as excuses for sex scenes. The girls involved are good to look at, certainly the default position for nearly all porn, but it's a dreary matter wading through the inept dialog scenes. Top-heavy Trinity St. Claire gets great billing even though she has no dialog and is just thrown in for sex, the same fate befalling a young Oriental actress using the moniker "Cheryl Dynasty" at this time.

Lead player Keri Windsor went on to fame (and iconic status for me) starring in the 22-volume A & E series "Naked Hollywood", but her role here is poorly written and unconvincing. Worst performance is from lead actor Dillon Day, shouting his lines as if that would make them impactful, and generally acting like a dick, his only prominent feature as it were.

For budding pornographers this would be an excellent example of how NOT to make a rom-com, as it is never romantic and the opposite of amusing. Dumbest element is the present of two cameos as the reverends who handle the series of weddings: Evan Stone and Bud Lee where complete nonentities (e.g., idle crew lackeys like p.a.'s or gaffers) would have served just as well, killing off boring scenes. Clousot even has the gall to cast Mia Smiles, one of my favorites, as a jilted bride, who just stands there while Evan is poised to officiate. What a waste!

One amusing sidelight: in the BTS short subject on the DVD the film's production assistant (billed as production manager, likely by mistake, in the BTS) Randi Storm, who also appears in a brief NonSex role in the feature as a bride, goes from demure non-sexer to giving Dillon Day an impromptu deep-throat just as a joke - versatility preserved for posterity by way of one of those million otherwise worthless BTS fillers.