Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [entering Wilson's office] I think there's something wrong with House.

Dr. James Wilson: Who's he making miserable now?

Dr. Gregory House: I think my penis stopped breathing. Do you know CPR?

Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson] You gonna eat that?

Dr. James Wilson: Have at it. Did you just ask my permission before you took my food?

Dr. Gregory House: Yes, we can.

Dr. Gregory House: [after Wilson catches House vomiting outside of the restaurant]

[to Wilson]

Dr. Gregory House: I'm on methadone. Stupid product. Heroin without the high.

Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, and twice the risk of death.

Dr. Gregory House: But no risk of arrest.

Dr. James Wilson: You nearly died.

Dr. Gregory House: Today was a fluke. I nodded off.

Dr. James Wilson: Right, you're safe as long as you never sleep again. Mistime your dose, you die. Couple of drinks, you die. Mix it with the wrong drugs, you die. You want to detox from Vicodin? Pick something that won't kill you.

Dr. Gregory House: I'm not detoxing.

Dr. James Wilson: If you're looking for something to help with your pain...

Dr. Gregory House: Doesn't help my pain, it eliminates it.

[tosses his cane into a dumpster; turns to walk away, but pauses]

Dr. Gregory House: My leg doesn't hurt anymore.

[walks off into the street]

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: House decided to humor these parents.

Dr. James Wilson: Maybe he had a great cup of coffee, or a tremendous bowel movement. Bottom line is your boss is in a good mood. Stop analyzing it and just enjoy it.

Dr. James Wilson: [to Cuddy] You slept with House. He asked permission before taking my bagel, took the case without a fight, honored the parents' request for an MRI.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yes, those were my terms for sleeping with him.

Dr. James Wilson: He's in a good mood.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sex with me would explain that, but it doesn't explain why I'm not curled up in a ball weeping in shame. I did not have sex with House.

Dr. James Wilson: If you two aren't keeping something from me, that means he's keeping something from both of us. That can't be good.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Kutner and Taub] I get House wanting to jerk me and Thirteen around, but you guys?

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to Taub] Told you they were still together.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson as he and House are having dinner] You don't believe that I OD'd on Vicodin. You figure I'm on something stronger and because you can never, ever assume anything but the most screwed up scenario as far as I'm concerned...

Dr. James Wilson: Funny how I'm usually right.

Dr. Gregory House: You think that I'm on heroin. This is your version of a tox screen. Because if I am on heroin, I can't drink that without risking another bout of not breathing.

Dr. James Wilson: Well?

[House drinks the shot]

Dr. Gregory House: I created a case. I played nice because, I was in a good mood because I didn't hurt.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You don't need your pain to be a good doctor.

Dr. Gregory House: I'm not interested in good.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You're afraid to be happy.

Dr. Gregory House: Why do you care if I'm happy?

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You're afraid of change. The one thing you have is your intellect. You think if that's compromised, you have nothing.

[offers House some methadone]

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just take it.

Dr. Gregory House: No.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't do this.

Dr. Gregory House: [throws the methadone in the trash] It's already done. This is the only me you get.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] Where are you going?

Dr. Gregory House: Nowhere. Staying right here so we can properly discuss this.

[leaves his office]

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House when she discovers that he is using methadone] I can't sit by and watch you kill yourself. As long as you're in my hospital, you can't do methadone.

Dr. Gregory House: [gets up, opens the door and throws a journal in a trash can] I'll send someone for my stuff.

[starts to leave the bathroom]

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That's it, you're quitting? You're choosing methadone over this job?

Dr. Gregory House: I'm choosing lack of pain over this job.

[leaves the bathroom]

Dr. Eric Foreman: [after House doesn't show up at work] We're on our own.

Dr. Chris Taub: Is he okay?

Dr. Eric Foreman: He's fine, he's just not here.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Did he quit? Did she suspend him?

Dr. Eric Foreman: She didn't say. She just told me I was in charge until further notice.

Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy, he's happy.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House doesn't do happy. Pain or no pain.

Dr. James Wilson: Okay, maybe, but he's our friend and this is his one chance to not be miserable.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Jackson's parents] You gave birth to a freak of nature. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to treat him like one.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: [about the patient] Pain could be caused by a blind uterus hidden in his abdomen. He needs an MRI.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Right, boy with girl genes. I'm sure you're the first doctor brilliant enough to check for a uterus.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to House] You're okay with this?

Dr. Gregory House: With what?

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: That we're considering a diagnosis unrelated to this kid being a shemale. Assuming a coincidence like that would usually torture you, but you're completely unfazed.

Dr. Gregory House: Completely unfazed? You think I'm totally lacking in any fazing? The idea that I'm anything less than half-fazed, I actually find offensive. It greatly fazes me.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Black heels or boots?

Dr. Eric Foreman: You know I'm a fan of those heels.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Boots it is.

Dr. Gregory House: Our new patient: Part girl, part boy, all Thirteen's dream date.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did you give House the moron with the broken finger?

Nurse Helen: They've been in Room 2 about ten minutes.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Patient should've been screaming for another doctor seven minutes ago.

Ian: [walks into the hallway, wearing a finger splint] Thanks, bro.

Dr. Gregory House: I'm fine. Other than my nurple is now purple.

[to Thirteen]

Dr. Gregory House: I'm surprised yours are still attached.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You miss sleeping with women?

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: [laughs] Excuse me?

Dr. Eric Foreman: Simple question.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Yes. It's a simple answer.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Monogamy is like... saying you're never gonna have any other ice cream flavor besides rocky road.

Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're saying, if you don't have pink bubble gum for a while, that one day you're gonna chase down the ice cream truck?

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: No. Rocky road is great. It's a very... delicious, and complicated flavor. I also know that if I have other flavors, then rocky road is gonna be left in the freezer where anyone can just dip in.

Dr. Gregory House: Back off. Only Thirteen gets to grab my nipples this time.

Dr. James Wilson: Hello?

Dr. Eric Foreman: House is on heroin.

Dr. James Wilson: Well, that's... certainly... an interesting notion.

Dr. Eric Foreman: It's why his lungs stopped, it's why he okay-ed the MRI, it's why he missed... things he wouldn't ordinarily miss...

Dr. James Wilson: Ahh... we'll run some tests, and - I'll let you know.

Dr. Eric Foreman: He's there, isn't he?

Dr. James Wilson: Well, that would certainly explain the inappropriate responses. I-I gotta go. Okay.

Jackson Smith: I have this one friend. On the basketball team, you know? We hang out a lot. I really like him - now I'm worried that I... you know, like, him. Maybe I'm supposed to? Because if I'm really a girl...

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Hmm. Do you feel like a girl?

Jackson Smith: I like dancing more than basketball. Is that what that means?

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Jackson. As hard as it is right now... at least it's out in the open. You don't have to hide behind a mask.

Dr. James Wilson: Who is she?

Dr. Gregory House: I hired her to watch me sleep! Make sure I don't stop breathing.

Dr. James Wilson: Home nurses usually wear scrubs.

Dr. Gregory House: Not a nurse.

Dr. James Wilson: You hired a hooker to watch you sleep? I just can't...

Dr. Gregory House: Surprisingly, hookers are cheaper - and they don't sue for sexual harassment.