Dr. Gregory House: I think my penis stopped breathing. Do you know CPR?
Dr. Gregory House: [after Wilson catches House vomiting outside of the restaurant]
Dr. Gregory House: I'm on methadone. Stupid product. Heroin without the high.
Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, and twice the risk of death.
Dr. Gregory House: But no risk of arrest.
Dr. James Wilson: You nearly died.
Dr. Gregory House: Today was a fluke. I nodded off.
Dr. James Wilson: Right, you're safe as long as you never sleep again. Mistime your dose, you die. Couple of drinks, you die. Mix it with the wrong drugs, you die. You want to detox from Vicodin? Pick something that won't kill you.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm not detoxing.
Dr. James Wilson: If you're looking for something to help with your pain...
Dr. Gregory House: Doesn't help my pain, it eliminates it.
[tosses his cane into a dumpster; turns to walk away, but pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: My leg doesn't hurt anymore.
[walks off into the street]
Dr. James Wilson: [to Cuddy] You slept with House. He asked permission before taking my bagel, took the case without a fight, honored the parents' request for an MRI.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yes, those were my terms for sleeping with him.
Dr. James Wilson: He's in a good mood.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sex with me would explain that, but it doesn't explain why I'm not curled up in a ball weeping in shame. I did not have sex with House.
Dr. James Wilson: If you two aren't keeping something from me, that means he's keeping something from both of us. That can't be good.
Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson as he and House are having dinner] You don't believe that I OD'd on Vicodin. You figure I'm on something stronger and because you can never, ever assume anything but the most screwed up scenario as far as I'm concerned...
Dr. James Wilson: Funny how I'm usually right.
Dr. Gregory House: You think that I'm on heroin. This is your version of a tox screen. Because if I am on heroin, I can't drink that without risking another bout of not breathing.
Dr. James Wilson: Well?
[House drinks the shot]
Dr. Gregory House: I created a case. I played nice because, I was in a good mood because I didn't hurt.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You don't need your pain to be a good doctor.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm not interested in good.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You're afraid to be happy.
Dr. Gregory House: Why do you care if I'm happy?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You're afraid of change. The one thing you have is your intellect. You think if that's compromised, you have nothing.
[offers House some methadone]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just take it.
Dr. Gregory House: No.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't do this.
Dr. Gregory House: [throws the methadone in the trash] It's already done. This is the only me you get.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House when she discovers that he is using methadone] I can't sit by and watch you kill yourself. As long as you're in my hospital, you can't do methadone.
Dr. Gregory House: [gets up, opens the door and throws a journal in a trash can] I'll send someone for my stuff.
[starts to leave the bathroom]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That's it, you're quitting? You're choosing methadone over this job?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm choosing lack of pain over this job.
[leaves the bathroom]
Dr. Gregory House: [to Jackson's parents] You gave birth to a freak of nature. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to treat him like one.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to House] You're okay with this?
Dr. Gregory House: With what?
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: That we're considering a diagnosis unrelated to this kid being a shemale. Assuming a coincidence like that would usually torture you, but you're completely unfazed.
Dr. Gregory House: Completely unfazed? You think I'm totally lacking in any fazing? The idea that I'm anything less than half-fazed, I actually find offensive. It greatly fazes me.
Dr. Gregory House: Our new patient: Part girl, part boy, all Thirteen's dream date.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Monogamy is like... saying you're never gonna have any other ice cream flavor besides rocky road.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're saying, if you don't have pink bubble gum for a while, that one day you're gonna chase down the ice cream truck?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: No. Rocky road is great. It's a very... delicious, and complicated flavor. I also know that if I have other flavors, then rocky road is gonna be left in the freezer where anyone can just dip in.
Dr. Gregory House: Back off. Only Thirteen gets to grab my nipples this time.
Dr. James Wilson: Hello?
Dr. Eric Foreman: House is on heroin.
Dr. James Wilson: Well, that's... certainly... an interesting notion.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's why his lungs stopped, it's why he okay-ed the MRI, it's why he missed... things he wouldn't ordinarily miss...
Dr. James Wilson: Ahh... we'll run some tests, and - I'll let you know.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's there, isn't he?
Dr. James Wilson: Well, that would certainly explain the inappropriate responses. I-I gotta go. Okay.
Jackson Smith: I have this one friend. On the basketball team, you know? We hang out a lot. I really like him - now I'm worried that I... you know, like, him. Maybe I'm supposed to? Because if I'm really a girl...
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Hmm. Do you feel like a girl?
Jackson Smith: I like dancing more than basketball. Is that what that means?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Jackson. As hard as it is right now... at least it's out in the open. You don't have to hide behind a mask.
Dr. James Wilson: Who is she?
Dr. Gregory House: I hired her to watch me sleep! Make sure I don't stop breathing.
Dr. James Wilson: Home nurses usually wear scrubs.
Dr. Gregory House: Not a nurse.
Dr. James Wilson: You hired a hooker to watch you sleep? I just can't...
Dr. Gregory House: Surprisingly, hookers are cheaper - and they don't sue for sexual harassment.