Evil Dead (2013)

"One of the goriest experiences of all time"! "The whole audience fainted!" "I threw up". I'm not sure which movie people were talking about, but sign me up because that sure as hell wasn't "Evil Dead". Before I get written off or torn by my limbs, the Evil Dead trilogy was and still is my favorite trilogy of any film. I have watched each movie at least three times and own a copy of the Book of the Dead edition of the first "Evil Dead" and have forced each and one of my friends to watch the first "Evil Dead", and even they loved it.

Where does it all go wrong? The first "Evil Dead"'s notoriety was garnered for pushing the envelope with its grotesque portrayal of violence, yes, but it also had a charismatic lead. I don't care about gender, I don't care that we don't have "Ash" anymore, Mia just isn't a great lead. Yes she's gone through a lot, yes her backstory pretty much spells her character, but a sob story shouldn't be the main reason why we should put our fists in the air.

Now what every person came to watch "Evil Dead" for. GORE. GORE. GORE. GORE. GORE. Maybe the fact I spotted cuts every so often, or maybe I'm just desensitized, but aside from the blood- bath, this is pretty much your average horror flick. If any thing, it might be one of the bloodiest films of the year, but not the GORIEST. While TED was essentially "Unrated" (baring it all), I'm still sure the NC-17 version of this re-boot can't touch the continuous break-neck pacing and violence of that movie.

I'll give the movie points for TRYING to establish character development and bringing some new insight, but it's so underdeveloped that if anything, it takes the movie out of place. We're supposed to "care" about these characters when in fact we don't. They're not bad actors, actually, some surprised me, but at the end of the day, we just want to see some flying limbs. And with that being said, it cuts into 1/3 of the movie.

The most-raved about opening sequence is nothing more than a disappointment. Cue the foul language. Cue every cliché in filmmaking history. And of course cue the blood card. It's laid out all on here. Well at least the tree rape was a solid homage, but I still prefer the original's.

All in all, "Evil Dead" can't be described as "awful", "insulting", or a bad remake. It can be described as "not scary", "average", or really both of those things. With so much hype, and Raimi/Campbell behind this, AND with all the rave reviews from screenings, this is not the movie the fans got. Maybe an unrated version down the road will bump up a few points but for now, a 5 is satisfactory.