Cabbie: I don't go to Chinatown, I don't drive wackos, and I ain't afraid of no ghosts!

Erin Gilbert: What year is it?

Jillian Holtzmann: It's 2040. Our president is a plant!

Patty Tolan: [about Rowan's huge transformation] What part of "small and friendly" did he not understand?

Patty Tolan: [turns around and sees a mannequin right behind her] Was that there before? Please don't answer.

[the mannequin starts chasing her]

Patty Tolan: I said don't answer!

[sees Erin pounding on the windows of the restaurant]

Jennifer Lynch: She thinks it's a sliding door. She thinks they're all doors. That's sad - she's a scientist.

Patty Tolan: That's where I saw that weird sparking thing.

Jillian Holtzmann: What was it?

Patty Tolan: Baby, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't have called it a 'weird sparking thing'.

Patty Tolan: [as a ghost leaves on the subway] I guess he's going to Queens - he's going to be the third scariest thing on that train.

Agent Hawkins: Do you have any idea how many federal regulations you are breaking on a daily basis?

Jillian Holtzmann: One?

Agent Rorke: No.

Jillian Holtzmann: Two?

Agent Rorke: No.

Jillian Holtzmann: Is it one?

Patty Tolan: [seeing a room filled with mannequins] Okay, room full of nightmares.

Jillian Holtzmann: [eating Pringles chips from the can] Just try saying no to these salty parabolas!

Basement Cop: Whoa, nobody called for a Clark Kent strippergram!

Kevin: [possessed by Rowan] "Clark Kent"? Oh, because of the glasses and the handsomeness.

Jillian Holtzmann: [Holstering her proton thrower] Forgot about my new toys.

Jillian Holtzmann: [Twin pistol-sized throwers emerge from her pack. She licks one] Let's go.

Kevin: Would it be okay if I bring Mike Hat to work sometimes? He has major anxiety problems.

Abby Yates: You know what? I would love to let your cat live here with you, but I have a pretty severe cat allergy.

Kevin: Oh, I don't have a cat. He's a dog. His name's Mike Hat.

Abby Yates: Your dog's name is Mike Hat?

Kevin: Mike Hat.

Erin Gilbert: Your dog's name is Mike, last name Hat?

Kevin: Well, his full name is Michael Hat.

Abby Yates: I can't say that I'm allergic to dogs... so.

Kevin: You know, it's all right. He lives with my mum.

Erin Gilbert: Why am I operating the untested nuclear laser?

Jillian Holtzmann: You have the longest arms.

Kevin: You know, an aquarium is a submarine for fish.

Mayor Bradley: Never compare me to the mayor in Jaws! Never!

Jillian Holtzmann: [smashes a guitar on stage and hands it back to its owner] Sorry. I can't buy you another one.

Agent Rorke: Sheriff in New Mexico reports a UFO encounter, the crew of the S.S. Ourang Medan dies mysteriously, the entire town of Langville, Montana goes missing.

Jillian Holtzmann: It does?

Abby Yates: Okay, but we're talking about relocating. No one's being killed here. Right?

Mayor Bradley: They were turned inside out.

Erin Gilbert: Their skin is on the inside of their body?

Mayor Bradley: Their skin is on the inside of their body because their organs are on the outside.

Abby Yates: But, they're okay, right?

Mayor Bradley: Sure.

Jillian Holtzmann: I think they're dead...

Jillian Holtzmann: You guys, this is exactly how I pictured my death!

Jillian Holtzmann: Virgo. Avid skier. Gluten-full. And 100% jazzed to meet you.

Tour Guide Garrett: Now, I'm gonna tell you something a little spooky. The morning of October 25, 1894, Sir Aldridge awoke furious when his breakfast was not waiting for him. So, he called to his servants, but none of them responded. Why? Because, during the night, one by one they had each been stabbed to death in their sleep. It was later discovered that they were murdered by his eldest daughter, Gertrude Aldridge. Sir Aldridge once wrote in his diary, 'I know God makes no mistakes, but I believe he may have been drunk when he built Gertrude's personality.'

Graffiti Artist: Let me fix this.

[paints a red negation symbol over his cartoon ghost]

Graffiti Artist: There, "no ghosts allowed."

Jillian Holtzmann: [singing like Glinda in "The Wizard of Oz"] Come out, come out, wherever you are...

Jillian Holtzmann: Ma'am, can you tell us where you got the world's tiniest bowtie?

Erin Gilbert: Uh, it came with the shirt.

Jillian Holtzmann: Safety lights are for dudes!

Rebecca Gorin: Safety lights are for dudes.

[They high-five]

Rebecca Gorin: I hate doing that.

Abby Yates: I'm just looking for a reasonable ratio of wontons to soup, this is madness!

Jillian Holtzmann: Booyah! Emphasis on the boo.

Patty Tolan: It smells like burnt baloney and regrets down here.

Patty Tolan: [Presenting the hearse to the other ghostbusters] You get a car! And you get a car! And YOU get a car!

[first lines]

Tour Guide Garrett: The Aldridge Mansion is the only 19th century home in New York City preserved both inside and out. At the time of its construction, it was one of the most elegant homes in existence featuring every luxury including a face bidet and an anti-Irish security fence.

Jillian Holtzmann: [Holtzmann places metal collar attached to proton gun on Erin] Do you know your iron level?

Erin Gilbert: Mm-mm.

Jillian Holtzmann: It's fine.

Jillian Holtzmann: You just got Holtzmanned, baby!

Abby Yates: Have you seen a class 4 semi-anchored entity anywhere in the vicinity?

Graffiti Artist: You talkin' like a boat?

Abby Yates: We just gave a ghost a nuke, we should probably run.

Famous Rock Star: [after seeing the dragon ghost] Sharon! I think I'm having a flashback!

Erin Gilbert: Kevin? That's a manly name! My name's Erin. With an E... for Every... thing you want.

Erin Gilbert: Holtzmann, come on!

Jillian Holtzmann: The hat is too much, right? Is it the wig or the hat?

Rowan North: [to the Ghostbusters] You shoot like girls!

Patty Tolan: Up above us was the old New York prison. It's the first place in New York that they electrocuted people. I'm telling you, it used to take so long that they just be like, 'Shoot em! We using too much electricity.'

[Everyone notices a ghost perched on Patty's shoulders]

Abby Yates: Patty! Don't move!

Erin Gilbert: You got a, uh...

Patty Tolan: Nope, I'm tired.

Erin Gilbert: No. You got a...

Patty Tolan: I'm just gonna go ahead and take off. How about that?

Erin Gilbert: I, I don't really think that's a good idea.

Patty Tolan: No. I'm gonna take off. Don't piss off the ghost.

[as Patty slowly walks out of the crowd, a crowd member takes a selfie with Patty and the ghost]

Patty Tolan: Really?

Abby Yates: [Holtzmann is dancing to 'Rhythm of the Night'] I don't mean to DeBarge in!

Jillian Holtzmann: Is that by DeBarge? I thought it was Devo.

Erin Gilbert: That book you're holding is utter nonsense. I don't even know how you got that. I thought I burned both copies.

Ed Mulgrave: It's on Amazon. Both hard copy and e-book.

Erin Gilbert: What?

Ed Mulgrave: It's on books on tape, too. Only, I know how to read.

Kevin: That man went through the wrong door.

[after playing the "farting" EVP tape to Erin]

Jillian Holtzmann: Is it more or less disgusting if I tell you it came out the front?

[disassembling Rowan's device]

Jillian Holtzmann: I would have used aluminum but I'm crazy.

Erin Gilbert: [the Ghostbusters are surrounded by giant apparitions] I'm not good in a fight.

Abby Yates: Well, here's your chance to work on that.

Abby Yates: [seeing Slimer drive past in the Ghostbusters' car] Well, that thing is having the time of its life.

Erin Gilbert: Proton guns are all well and good, but sometimes you need the Swiss Army.

Abby Yates: I will kick the unliving crap out of you, and you...

[points at Slimer]

Abby Yates: ...and especially you!

Abby Yates: I have one wonton! I have a tub of soup and one split wonton!

Erin Gilbert: I'm sorry you're having a soup crisis.

Abby Yates: There isn't even any meat in there. That's just a carrot.

[repeated line]

Rowan North: Charge the lines, create the vortex, break the barriers.

Dean: I will not let the 12-year reputation of this fine institution be besmirched by you!

Abby Yates: Oh, come on! Suddenly this place has a classy reputation to uphold? You're only dean now because the least dean went to jail.

Dean: Are you saying that I'm not qualified?

Abby Yates: You spell science with a "Y". And what's upsetting about that is I don't think you know that that's wrong.

Agent Rorke: Who's the flying beefcake?

Abby Yates: We have over a hundred comments already. And they're not all crazies. Come here, I wanna show you this. Read that.

Erin Gilbert: Ain't no bitches gonna hunt no ghost.

Erin Gilbert: Books can't fly and neither can babies!

Martin Heiss: Why are you pretending to capture ghosts?

Abby Yates: It's really easy sit there and be the naysayer when you don't actually do anything.

Abby Yates: [on Kevin] We like him, despite his many, many frustrating quirks!

Abby Yates: Come on Rowan, show yourself!

Rowan North: [disembodied voice] What form would you prefer I take?

Jillian Holtzmann: Uh, maybe something stationary. Like a bull's-eye.

Patty Tolan: Well I'll tell you what I prefer. I prefer something nice and cute, like a friendly little ghost.

Rowan North: [Manifests as the Ghostbuster's logo] Oh. Is that what you want? Something more familiar?

Abby Yates: [on Rowan] It's always the sad, pale ones.

Kevin: Is it the boobs you don't like? Because I can make them... bigger.

[Patty jumps into the mosh pit, but the crowd moves away, causing her to crash to the ground]

Patty Tolan: Okay, I don't know if it was a race thing or a lady thing, but I'm mad as hell.

[from trailer]

Patty Tolan: Ah hell naw, the Devil is a liar! Get out of my friend, ghost! The power of Patty compels you!

Abby Yates: We need to reverse the portal. It's gonna take an insane amount of energy!

Martin Heiss: Casper

Jennifer Lynch: No, no-- it's just a magic trick, he didn't actually cut her in half.

Mayor Bradley: No, no-- I was there, she was cut in half.

Jennifer Lynch: ...there's two women.

Mayor Bradley: Yeah, yeah I saw it.

Jennifer Lynch:'s just a trick.

Erin Gilbert: Oh my god, you killed a pilgrim!

Erin Gilbert: That stuff went everywhere, by the way. In every crack.

Erin Gilbert: Let's go.

Abby Yates: Let's go.

Erin Gilbert: Oh.

Abby Yates: Oh.

Erin Gilbert: Did you want to...

Abby Yates: Oh, sorry. I'll let you. I'll let you.

Erin Gilbert: Next time.

[examining one of Rowan's devices]

Abby Yates: I'm smelling both electrical discharge and isotopic decay.

[from trailer]

Abby Yates: It's a class 4 apparition.

Erin Gilbert: That's okay, she seems... peaceful. My name is Erin Gilbert, doctor of particle physics...

[the ghost throws up on her]

[last lines]

Patty Tolan: I heard something really weird, what's 'Zuul'?