DS James Hathaway: You know what one of the Inklings is meant to have said when Tolkien started reading them 'Lord of the Rings'?
DI Robert Lewis: Oh, spare me, Sergeant; I've had enough of imaginary worlds.
DS James Hathaway: You'll like it, sir; I promise.
DI Robert Lewis: Go on then.
DS James Hathaway: They said: "Not more flipping elves!" Except they didn't say 'flipping'.
DI Robert Lewis: [laughs] I like it. Home, James.
[examining the scene of a murder - the victim has been hit over the head with a large mirror]
Dr. Laura Hobson: The jugular vein and carotid arteries were sliced right through.
DS James Hathaway: By a piece of the mirror?
Dr. Laura Hobson: On reflection, yes.
DS James Hathaway: [groans] It's too early for jokes.
Professor Rutherford: Can't drink this.
Pub Landlord: You've had a good try.
DS James Hathaway: Pint of best, please.
Professor Rutherford: I wouldn't risk the best if you value your taste buds; it's off.
Pub Landlord: It is not off, sir. It is not off!
Professor Rutherford: It is cloudier than a sad Sunday in Birmingham, and it tastes like a camel's armpit.