Men in Black³ (2012)

Michael Stuhlbarg: Griffin

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Griffin : This is my NEW favourite moment in human history... unless this is the one where K forgets to leave a tip...

  [sees a meteor about to hit the Earth in the distant future] 

  Agent K : Almost forgot...

  [leaves a tip - a satellite appears and collides with the meteor, rendering the Earth safe] 

  Griffin : That was a close one!

• Griffin : There's no other way for this to work, K has to be the one to go. K is the only one who can save the world.

  Agent J : If he does this, is there ANY future where he lives?

  Griffin : Yes. But where there is death, there will always be death.

• Griffin : The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.

• [Griffin shows K and J the future, from his viewpoint] 

  Agent J : So this is how you see things? This is amazing!

  Griffin : It's a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has its moments.

• Griffin : I lost my world. I don't want you to lose yours. It's only the most infinitesimal of chances, but if it works, it'll be my most favourite moment in human history.

• Agent J : Hey, ain't you coming?

  Griffin : [falling behind]  No, I'm done here. J, as soon as K blows Boris's arm off everything will be back to the way it was, K will not remember anything that happened here.

  Agent J : I got it: arm blown off, history's reset. Okay, thanks G!

  [goes on ahead] 

  Griffin : [to himself]  I can never bear to watch this part...

• Griffin : Any future where you succeed, is one where you tell the truth.

  Agent J : The TRUTH?

• [J meets Griffin] 

  Agent J : How's it going?

  Griffin : How's it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it's good. Things are good. Unless, of course, we're in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushroom, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I gotta move my plate like right now.

  [as he speaks, the events he narrates occur] 

  Griffin : ...or if it's the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I'm eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So I'll be good, I'll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I'd have to say, not good. I'm not good.

  [J stares at Griffin] 

  Griffin : But that depends.

  Agent J : [looks for his partner]  K!

• Griffin : A miracle is something that seems impossible but happens anyway.

• Agent J : [re: the Colonel]  Hey, you did your future thing on him. What did you show him?

  Griffin : Only what he needed to see.

• Griffin : Sir, if I may...

  [touches the Colonel's arm] 

• Griffin : Oh, dear. I forgot about this part...

  [gets captured by Boris] 

• Agent J : [through Griffin's eyes, J and K see the last game of the 1969 World Series]  So this is how you see things? This is amazing!

  Griffin : It's a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has it's moments.

  Agent J : Wait, this game doesn't happen 'til October.

  Griffin : Oh, it's always October, November, March... so many futures, and they're all real, just don't know which one will coalesce. Until then, they're all happening. Like this one, it's my favorite moment in human history. All the things that have to converge for the Mets to win the World Series. They were in last place every single season until they won it all.

  Young Agent K : You said you had a gift for us?

  Griffin : That baseball, for instance, thrown for the last out of Game 5, manufactured in 1962 by the Spalding Factory of Chicopee, Massachusetts, was aerodynamically flawed, due to the horse hide being improperly tanned because Sheila, the tanner's wife, left him for a Puerto Rican golf pro that Sunday...

  Agent J : [signals "time out" with his hands]  Uh, the gift?

  Griffin : Oh, oh, yes, of course, it's in the box. It's the surprise. To protect the Earth, it's the shield.

  Agent J : Shield... Arcanan... Arc-Net! That's what you did! You put up the Arc-Net.

  Young Agent K : How did I do that?

  Griffin : When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson, who only became a baseball player because his father couldn't find a football to give him for his eighth birthday - it hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones - who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn't have an extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.

  [Jones catches the ball, ending the game in victory for the Mets] 

  Griffin : A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway. I lost my planet. I don't want you to lose yours. It'll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you'll be my new favorite moment in human history. Oh, dear. I forgot to see this one coming.

  [gets captured by Boris] 

• Young Agent K : Griffin, right? Hey, we're here...

  Griffin : Because of Boris the Animal.

  Young Agent K : Correct. We believe he may be coming...

  Griffin : Coming to kill me, yes. He'll be here in two minutes, unless of course we're in the possible future where he made all the lights on Bowery and got here early and is just about to discharge a weapon through the doorway, in which case we're all dead in two seconds.

  [pause. They all look at the door] 

  Griffin : ...Ah, good. That was a close one.

• Griffin : [spots a butterfly]  Oh, dear. This is the one where Boris is coming through that door in twelve, eleven, ten...

  [K turns to the door, drawing his weapon] 

  Griffin : Wait! Did you have chocolate milk this morning?

  Agent J : ...Yes.

  Griffin : [winces]  Cindy.

  [There is a sound of breaking glass, one of the models turns toward the window, and is impaled through the forehead by one of Boris's spikes]