No Strings Attached (I) (2011)
Ashton Kutcher: Adam
Photos
Quotes
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Adam : I'm warning you, if you take one step closer, I'm never letting you go.
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Adam : Hey, you can't call me and tell me that you miss me. I don't want to have that conversation on the phone. So you can't text me and you can't e-mail me and you can't write on my wall. Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.
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Emma : This isn't really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes.
Adam : Yes she does!
Emma : But, there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world since you're acting like children already.
Vanessa : That was really mean.
Emma : Yeah, I'm mean. But you're fucking crazy. Because given the choice between Adam and his dad. Given the choice between Adam and anyone, really, I'd choose Adam. Every time.
[to Adam]
Emma : Do you want to get out of here?
Adam : Yeah. Fuck this.
Emma : Oh, by the way. It's the best sex of my life.
[yells]
Emma : Great Scott!
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Adam : [answers phone] Hello?
Emma : Hi. It's Emma Kurtzman from Camp Weehawken.
Adam : Yes. What is it?
Emma : So my sister's getting married in Santa Barbara tomorrow and, I don't know. I heard your show was tonight. Congratulations.
Adam : Thank you.
Emma : I know this is random. I just, um, I miss you. I miss you so much.
Adam : Ok. I don't know what to say. You're calling me because you're at your sister's wedding and she looks happy and everyone is happy and you're not
Emma : I thought.
[pauses]
Emma : I don't know what I thought. I guess I wanted to hear your voice. I mean, I know we broke up but.
Adam : [interrupts] Emma. We didn't break up. We never started. Look, I gotta go. I'm still at work. Have fun at the wedding and tell your sister congratulations for me. Bye.
[hangs up]
Emma : [looks at phone] Aw fuck.
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Adam : I understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
Shira : Nice memorization. Did you Google that?
Adam : I may have. Because you're women. And I think that's a beautiful thing. Oh...
[takes out a CD]
Adam : I also made you this.
[hands it to Emma]
Adam : To help soothe your womb.
Patrice : It's a mix!..."Even Flow." "Red, Red Wine."
Shira : "Sunday Bloody Sunday"?
Emma : Adam. You made me... a period mix?
Guy : That's so romantic!
Patrice : Frank Sinatra, "I've Got the World on a String"!
Adam : It's a classic.
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Adam : So, what's up with not calling me back?
Emma : I'm not good at this stuff.
Adam : At what? Talking?
Emma : Yeah, talking. Communicating. Relationship stuff. If we were in a relationship I would become a weird scary version of myself. My throat starts constricting. The walls start throbbing. It's like a peanut allergy, like an emotional peanut allergy.
Adam : Well, I can't date you either. You're not my dad's type.
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Adam : My dad invited me to dinner and he's bringing Vanessa. You have to come with me.
Emma : No, I don't. I just worked 14 hours. I'm not gonna meet your parents.
Adam : You know what? Just help me. These are really powerful painkillers. I can't feel anything.
Emma : [slaps Adam] Feel that?
Adam : Yeah. I felt that.
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Adam : You know, I don't want to freak you out, but I'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
Emma : It's not really possible. I have no time. I work 80 hours a week doing 36-hour shifts. What I need is someone who's going to be in my bed in 2 a.m. who I don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with.
Adam : I hate breakfast.
Emma : Do you want to do this?
Adam : Do what?
Emma : Use each other for sex at all hours of the day and night, nothing else.
Adam : [soundbite of music] Yeah, I could do that.
Emma : Good.
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Emma : Dr. Metzner? Adam, what's going on? What happened?
Dr. Metzner : He sprained his wrist punching a wall.
Emma : You texted me that you were dying.
Adam : It really hurt.
Dr. Metzner : I gave him some Hyrdocodone for the night. It's a very strong painkiller. You might want to have Dr. Kurtzman here drive you home. And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory.
[hands to Emma]
Dr. Metzner : Don't worry, you're in good hands. Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor.
Emma : No! I'm not his girlfriend.
Adam : She is not my girlfriend.
Dr. Metzner : Oh sorry. I saw that he listed you as an emergency contact. My mistake. Oh by the way, I enjoyed your dad's TV show. Great Scott! It's funny stuff.
Adam : I'll tell him you said that.
[pops pill]
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Adam : You eat like a baby dinosaur; you don't even chew.
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Adam : Hey!
Emma : What?
Adam : Thank you for what you did back at the restaurant.
Adam : Go on a date with me.
Emma : You're heavily sedated.
Adam : Come on,it's... It's one date. Just do it.
Emma : Why? So I can wear make up and act perfect all night?
Adam : Yeah. I'll pick you up, and we can talk about our favorite books and our favorite TV shows. I'll pay for everything and you can reward me with an over-the-jeans cock rub. Like a real date.
Emma : Is that really what you want?
Adam : This Friday.
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Adam : [to Shira] Listen, I want you to know that I respect you.
Shira : Thank you!
Adam : Normally I would remember the name of someone that I've
Shira : [interrupts] What? Oh my God. Did you think we had sex? We did not have sex!
Guy : Hey Adam. You left your socks in my room.
Adam : Did I?
Guy : You did.
Adam : Did I, by chance, leave my pants in your room?
Guy : No. When we met you weren't wearing pants.
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Alvin : So... Are you having sex?
[hands marijuana to Adam]
Adam : Yes. I'm having sex.
Alvin : 'Cause if you want any pointers, you know... I can help you out. If there's one thing you learn after two failed marriages, it's how to eat kitty. Anyone special?
Adam : No. I mean, not since Vanessa.
Alvin : It's been a year. It's time to move on.
Adam : It's been eight months, Dad.
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Lisa : She is so good at impressions.
Adam : Do an impression, then.
Lisa : Yes, do an impression then.
Joy : All right, guess who this is.
[Joy sucks in her lips]
Joy : Dad!
[she sucks in her lips again]
Joy : Dad!
Lisa : Oh my God, that's so cute.
Adam : I don't know.
Lisa : Come on.
Joy : Where are you?
Adam : I don't know.
Joy : Where are you, Dad?
[Wallace walks over]
Wallace : It's Nemo.
Lisa : Yes!
Joy : Yeah.
Adam : Nemo.
Lisa : Amazing.
Adam : I don't know why I didn't get that. How did you know that?
Wallace : 'Cause I've seen it a thousand times. That's how.
Lisa : Mmmm. Drew Barrymore.
Joy : I don't know if I'm drunk enough.
Lisa : Come on.
Adam : You can't do Drew Barrymore.
Wallace : Oh, but she can.
Joy : [in sexy valley girl accent] Happy holidays. I was in 'The Wedding Singer'.
[normal voice]
Joy : That's it. That's all I have.
Adam : That was kind of an amazing Drew Barrymore.
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Adam : Hey.
Man with Dog : Hey.
Adam : We're sex friends. Just friends who have sex.
Man with Dog : That's not possible.
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Adam : So, did I just pass out on your couch?
Emma : No. Then you did this thing. It was like, a dance?
Adam : Dance?
Emma : Yeah, like.
[impersonates Adam's dance]
Adam : I shook my dick at you?
Emma : Yeah.
Adam : Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
Emma : No, no. It was exciting. It was like, you were cheering while you were doing it. You were like, "look at my dick!"
Adam : Did you look at it?
Emma : Yeah I looked. It was nice. You have a really nice penis.
Adam : Nice?
Emma : Seems kind of like carefree.
