Various (archive footage)
David Paterson / Eskimo / Various (archive footage)
Husband (archive footage)
Desiree / Abigail Breslin (archive footage)
Bar Guy (archive footage)
Self (archive footage) (as Hillary Rodham Clinton)
Rachel (archive footage)
Weekend Update Anchor (archive footage)
Sarah Palin / Weekend Update Anchor (archive footage)
George W. Bush / Gregg Allman / Various (archive footage)
Uncle Chaz (archive footage)
Euro (archive footage)
Frank O'Connor (archive footage)
Daniel Radcliffe / Tim Gunn / Various (archive footage)
Dick Cheney / Regis Philbin (archive footage)
Self (archive footage)
Pound / Weekend Update Anchor / Anderson Cooper (archive footage)
Dancing Palin Moose / Bar Patron / Various (archive footage)
Dr. Edward Turlington (archive footage)
Jodi Dietz / Donna / Yen (archive footage)
Eskimo / Bar Patron / Various (archive footage)
Rick / Peso (archive footage)
Todd Palin / Bar Patron / Various (archive footage)
Reggie Hudson / Bartender / Various (archive footage)
Michelle / Catherine / Various (archive footage)
Stephanie / Waitress / Various (archive footage)