7 March 2012 | scarletheels
Bland, empty, and really freakin' boring
Two good-looking crazies, Lila (Tricia Helfer) and David (David Geraghty), take over the home of a recently broken-up couple, Alice (Rachel Blanchard) and Josh (Stephen Moyer), and start their reign of terror in suburbia. David stows a bruised and sedated Alice in the cellar while Josh ends up meeting his grisly end during a naughty little romp in the hot tub with Lila Loonybrains (sorry, guys, no gratuitous boobies scene). Several more mundane characters meet their demise, mostly stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife or having their throats slit.
Throughout the film, it's assumed the partners in crime are romantically involved until Lila gives her unwitting dinner guests a disturbing synopsis of the book David is supposedly writing. It's about two children living in the forest who are deceived by a magical creature that persuades them to leave their home to go to utopia. But the children can't keep up with him because he's running so fast and, soon, they're lost. Frightened and alone, they cling to each other but "they can't exactly fall in love because they're brother and sister - twins." Oookay.
It's clear that Lila calls the shots. She's a psychopath, one hell of a sexy one, but her bossiness quickly becomes tiresome. All the while, the audience is wondering if David was castrated - come on, man up. Emotionless and muttering no more than a few words at a time, he's an awkward fellow to watch. A lot of cheesiness with no creepiness makes for a really lame serial killer. His one act of defiance is keeping Alice alive in a basement cubbyhole, letting her out during the day while Lila is out and about. Alice uses his fondness for her to her advantage and convinces him that she'll run away with him when the time comes. So he's not only a wimpy dullard, he's as smart as a pile of rocks.
Open House is bland, empty, and really freakin' boring. I spent more time checking the clock than actually watching the movie. I had to rewind so many parts I missed because, no joke, I kept zoning out. It's not scary, suspenseful, or like many bad films can be, unintentionally funny. Because the movie's only location is the house, there are limited opportunities to introduce new victims. A more experienced director would have offered more than wasted minutes of David cooking or washing dishes and conversations that serve no purpose except as filler. And is it just me or are the aerial blood sprays too watery and unrealistic?
I'm not a True Blood fan but if you are, don't rent or buy this because you see Sookie and Bill on the cover. Combined, they get no more than 10 minutes of screen time.