20 April 2015 | rjsf96
How to Kill a Franchise for Good (A Step-By-Step Guide)
For this review I am going to provide a guide as to how you can ensure that a franchise will never continue. But first the plot if you can call it a plot.
Detective Hoffman is still alive. Jill's attempt to kill him backfired when he found a way out of his supposedly inescapable trap. Whilst Hoffman is out to kill Jill he has to contend with setting up another set of traps for the lying Bobby Dagen and his friends. If Bobby is to make it to the end and save his wife, he will have to push himself to the limit.
Step 1: The plot. Ensure your plot is convoluted and does not make sense in the slightest. If you are worried that it does, then provide meaningless flashbacks. If it ain't broke don't fix it. Why change the format when it worked for Saw IV, V and VI. Just rinse and repeat.
Step 2: The main character. Who wants motivation, plausibility and character development? The answer nobody! Ensure your character is as bland as humanely possible. The make him unlikable, arrogant and self-absorbed. If he possesses any humanity wipe it out immediately!
Step 3: Jigsaw. The main villain is not Jigsaw anymore. To let your audience know this, have Tobin Bell dress as a gangster for one scene so that he can embarrass himself. Then watch the less interesting Hoffman blunder from scene to scene.
Step 4: The script. Make sure your script consists of lines that would make Sylvester Stallone worried. Fill it with profanity and the screams of human beings. When you have ninety pages of Horror clichés, you are almost ready to begin.
Step 5: The Acting. Ensure your actors are human and made of meat and bone; if they can scream louder than a toddler hire them forthwith.
Step 6: The camera work. The reason these films make so much money is because of their budget. You spent it on the traps, so borrow the cheapest hand held camera you can find and film all scenes in one take.
Step 7: The length. Make your film as short as possible, but feel ten times the length. Your audience will wonder how it lasted so long.
Step 8: The traps. Have as many traps as you want; the more the better. Who will notice pink blood? A lack of invention and tension? Nitpickers, that's who. If your audience is not sick within the first five minutes then you have failed them as a Director.
Step 9: Closure. Do not allow for closure. Provide questions with no answers. This will mean that if a sequel is green light then you can slowly divulge the answers in Saw M.
Step 10: The Obligatory Twist Ending. If the climax does not leave you scratching your head then change it again. Have characters you thought dead return, just so that you can destroy the brains of the audience.
If you follow all of these steps, you can guarantee the death of a franchise. Or for a few years at least until, it is re-made, re- envisioned, re-booted or all of the above.