D'Artagnan: Enjoying the show?

Constance: Are you always this cocky?

D'Artagnan: Only on Tuesdays... and whenever beautiful women are involved.

Constance: So, you think I'm beautiful?

D'Artagnan: Actually, it's Tuesday.

Richelieu: Well-played. I could use men like you.

[Richelieu holds out his hand; Aramis takes it to kiss it, then stops]

Aramis: Ehh... I already have a job.

Athos: I'm a drunk.

Porthos: I'm independently wealthy.

D'Artagnan: Thanks, but no.

Richelieu: The day will come when you'll wish you had said "yes".

D'Artagnan: Maybe. But not today.

Queen: Four against 40? Or was it 400?

Athos: Just 40, Your Majesty... it was an off day.

D'Artagnan: [after getting a ticket] What is this?

Aramis: It's a citation. It's a ticket.

[pause]

Aramis: Failure to remove animal bowel movements from public area.

D'Artagnan: French.

Aramis: Your horse took a dump on the street.

D'Artagnan: You're joking.

Aramis: That's what they all say.

King Louis XIII of France: [gazing at Buckingham's war machine] What is that thing called, anyway Richelieu?

Richelieu: An... airship, your Majesty?

King Louis XIII of France: Why don't I have one of those?

Richelieu: An oversight on our part.

King Louis XIII of France: Right,

[pause]

King Louis XIII of France: right.

[angrily]

King Louis XIII of France: Well, build me one.

Porthos: You're reckless, arrogant, impetuous, probably be dead by sundown, but I like you, lad.

King Louis XIII of France: So, madam, what of Buckingham?

Milady de Winter: Majesty?

King Louis XIII of France: [impatiently] Well, what's he wearing these days?

Milady de Winter: Green, your Majesty.

King Louis XIII of France: Hmm. Very interesting.

King Louis XIII of France: [to the Tailor] And you had the gall to recommend blue? Of course it should be green. Why am I surrounded by incompetent idiots? Green, green, green! Do I have to do everything myself?

Duke of Buckingham: Your Majesty. Love the outfit. Very retro. We were all wearing those in London, when was it... last year, or the year before?

D'Artagnan: What? Do you think you have the monopoly on loss? What if she dies? The life of one woman or the future of France? What would you do if you were in my position?

Athos: I've made a lot of sacrifices. Made a lot of hard choices. For honor, for King, for country. Do you know what I 've learned, boy? Hard choices and sacrifices do not keep you warm at night. And life is too damn short and too damn long to go through without someone at your side. Don't end up like me. Choose the woman. Fight for love, D'Artagnan. France will take care of itself.

Porthos: Planchet, what are you?

Planchet: Complete and utter waste of space, sir.

Porthos: And?

Planchet: As much use as a fart in a bottle, sir.

Porthos: Right.

Planchet: In short, sir, a total tit, sir, but I can't work bleeding miracles!

Constance: Look, D'Artagnan. You may have a new set of clothes and the King's favor, but you still act like a clumsy country boy. Now excuse me.

D'Artagnan's Father: There's one more piece of advice.

D'Artagnan: I know, I know. Don't get into any trouble.

D'Artagnan's Father: Wrong. Get into trouble. Make mistakes. Fight, love, live. And remember, always, you're a Gascon and our son. Now go. Go.

Duke of Buckingham: Do you think I might lose?

Milady de Winter: On the contrary. I have no issues with you killing Athos, but if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not watch him die.

Duke of Buckingham: Well, just so you don't leave empty-handed, a word of advice. Trust no one, especially women. You'll live longer.

Aramis: I know Athos may seem cold and unfeeling, but...

Porthos: He really is cold and unfeeling.