Ben: We all get a bag of hammers. You know what I mean? I mean, whether it's being poor, or catching cancer, divorce, losing your brother - losing your mother... You know what I mean, Kelsey? It's... Well, but the thing is th-tha... The thing IS is what you do with these hammers when you get 'em, 'cause that's what shows you what kind of a man you are, even if you're not ready to be one yet.
Alan: [holding a condom package] Kelsey, we sat you down today because we wanted to talk to you about...
Ben: [holding a banana] ... something very important.
Alan: First of all, what happens in Penthouse doesn't happen in real life.
Ben: It never looks that good. You don't want to get a girl pregnant before your, um, in love with her.
Alan: And ready to start a life... with her.
Ben: Yes. And each time you have sex, you are risking marriage.