- Allan: Allans have been in the real word before, no one's noticed! NSYNC? They're all Allans! Even that one!
- Gloria: It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.
- Barbie: Come in to my Weird House! Hi, I'm Weird Barbie, I am in the splits, I have a funky haircut and I smell like basement.
- Doctor: No, I won't let you do just one appendectomy.
- Ken: But I'm a man.
- Doctor: But not a doctor.
- Ken: Can I talk to a doctor?
- Doctor: You are talking to a doctor.
- Ken: I need a clicky pen.
- Doctor: No.
- Ken: A sharpy thing?
- Doctor: No.
- Ken: [as he walks toward a male doctor] There he is.
- Doctor: Somebody get security.
- Mattel CEO: I am the son of a mother, and the nephew of a female aunt. Some of my best friends... are Jewish!
- Barbie: It's like I've been in a dream where I was really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of 'Justice League'.
- [last lines]
- Barbie: Hi.
- Doctor Receptionist: Name?
- Barbie: Oh, um... Handler, Barbara.
- Doctor Receptionist: And what are you here for today, Barbara?
- Barbie: I'm here to see my gynecologist!
- Ken: You guys aren't doing patriarchy very well.
- Corporate Man: We're actually doing patriarchy very well
- [lowers voice]
- Corporate Man: ... we're just better at hiding it.
- Ken: [Puts on a pair of sunglasses] Every night is boy's night.
- [Puts on a second pair of sunglasses]
- Ken: [singing] I'm just Ken, anywhere else I'd be a ten! Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?
- Narrator: [from trailer] Since the beginning of time, since the first little girl ever existed, there have been dolls. But the dolls were always and forever baby dolls, until...
- [a large figurine is seen by the young, primitive-like girls; she is revealed to be Barbie in her iconic, one-piece, black-and-white swimsuit]
- Ken: Do you want to be my bride wife, or my long term long distance low commitment casual girlfriend?
- Mattel CEO: Women are at the foundation of this company! There was a female CEO in the 90s and then another one... at some point. So that's two right there!
- Gloria: [watching as Barbie slowly rolls face-down on the ground] She's not dying, she's just having an existential crisis.
- Mattel Executive #1: Is BarbieLand an alternate world where everything is doll-sized or are Barbies our size?
- Mattel CEO, Aaron Dinkins, Mattel Executive #2, Young Mattel Executive, An Even Younger Mattel Employee: Yes.