22 June 2015 | Argemaluco
In 1994, the first thing I did when I finally had access to the Internet was searching sites about UFOs and governmental conspiracies, and one of my favorite ones was the bulletin "Desert Rat", published by a guy named Glenn Campbell (don't mix him up with the country singer), who dedicated his life to the study of Area 51... or at least as much as a civilian could study it without getting into legal trouble. I even sent him five dollars as a contribution to have access to the delayed editions of the bulletin. That's when my obsession for these topics started, even though it eventually cooled down due to the multiple contradictory versions of the "true events", the impossibility to confirm any of them and, specially, the big quantity of charlatans and opportunists who cloud any semblance of objectivity seeking fame or easy money (or maybe, they are "disinformants" hired by the CIA with that specific purpose) (and, by the way, I keep thinking that Campbell is one of the few sober and credible investigators on that topic, specially because he never exploited the supposed extraterrestrial "connections" of Area 51... it's simply a secret military base; any other affirmation is fantasy or mere speculation). The film Area 51 distillates those decades of rumors and mysteries in 90 minutes of... nothing. Area 51 is an atrocious movie which employs the tiring pseudo- documentary clichés which seemed innovative various years ago, but which have been employed so much and so badly that they don't make any impact anymore, unless they are well handled... something which didn't happen in Area 51 (to be fair, this film was shelved for 6 years, so maybe, it should be evaluated in the context of the year 2009). The "realism" of this movie is limited to the mention of many elements existing in the mythology of that military base: the "Janet" airplanes, the "cammo dudes" who patrol around the base, and even a visit to the restaurant Little A'Le'Inn, in Rachel, Nevada, the closest town to Area 51. For the rest, we have the typical "found footage" structure: half an hour of foolishness to meet the characters a bit (who the buffoon is, who the hero is, who the skeptical one is, etc.); another half an hour of uninteresting "preparation" to elevate the (inexistent) suspense; and half an hour of "shaky cam" through the desert and the generic corridors of the base, following a group of uni-dimensional and irritating characters, until reaching an ending which is so vague and abrupt that it provokes frustration instead of horror. It is said that "less is more", but Area 51 takes that to the extreme of "nothing is something", only to discover (90 minutes later) that "nothing" keeps being "nothing", despite how much the characters run and scream. In conclusion, I hated Area 51, and I felt it like a genuine waste of time.