Vacation (I) (2015)
Ed Helms: Rusty Griswold
Photos
Quotes
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Rusty Griswold : If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I!
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Rusty Griswold : I just wanted to sing Seal with my family like normal people.
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James Griswold : I've never even heard of the original vacation.
Rusty Griswold : Doesn't matter. The new vacation will stand on its own.
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Debbie Griswold : Hey, you know, you never told us why you keep that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
Trucker : Oh, it makes the kids feel more comfortable.
Rusty Griswold : Oh yeah? You have kids?
Trucker : No.
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Rusty Griswold : [on ATVs] Are there helmets?
Stone Crandall : Yeah, I keep 'em with the tampons.
[drives off]
Rusty Griswold : It's just basic safety.
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Rusty Griswold : Well, I thought it'd be fun for the kids to see where you went to college.
Debbie Griswold : Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey?
Rusty Griswold : You can give us a tour. Maybe one of them could study there one day.
James Griswold : Oh, no. No way, man. I've got my sights on something a little more Ivy League.
Debbie Griswold : [under her breath] Huh. Little fucker.
James Griswold : What, Ma?
Debbie Griswold : I love you. That's what I said.
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Rusty Griswold : Maybe for lunch we can find a burger place. You know, like a... Like a drive-through burger place.
James Griswold : I don't know, Dad. I think we should steer clear of that.
Rusty Griswold : Good one, James.
Debbie Griswold : All right, enough, you guys. Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just moo-ve on.
Kevin Griswold : Oh, I got one.
Rusty Griswold : Yeah, let's hear it.
Kevin Griswold : James is a piece of shit.
Rusty Griswold : Kinda missed the point there, buddy.
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Kevin Griswold : There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold : Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.
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Rusty Griswold : We're going to Walley World.
Debbie Griswold : What?
Kevin Griswold : This is some bullshit right here!
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Rusty Griswold : It's no big deal. We'll just tell Stone and Audrey what happened. Kids, remember what happened?
James Griswold : We pulled over to rescue a baby from a burning car... and somebody stole all of our stuff while we were distracted.
Rusty Griswold : And why are we naked and covered in feces?
James Griswold : ...I don't remember.
James Griswold : That's right. We don't remember.
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Harry Co-Pilot : I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold : I was happy to do it. Just because corporate says you're too old to fly doesn't make it true. You're more qualified than us younger guys.
Harry Co-Pilot : Means a lot to me
Rusty Griswold : Sure thing.
Harry Co-Pilot : [after a pause] Oh, and Rusty?.. I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold : [to himself] Yeah... you bet.
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Kevin Griswold : You have such a vagina.
Rusty Griswold : Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man, we talked about the bullying of your older brother. That's right. We don't make fun of someone just because they're different.
James Griswold : I don't have a vagina.
Rusty Griswold : I'm just saying, if you did it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina.
James Griswold : Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina?
Rusty Griswold : I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that.
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Rusty Griswold : Never heard that laugh before. I don't like it.
Debbie Griswold : Hold my bag.
Rusty Griswold : Why? You're not actually going on this thing.
Debbie Griswold : Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised thousands of dollars for charity, all right? I might not have gotten good grades while I was here, but at least I did something.
Rusty Griswold : It sounds like you did a lot. You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.
Debbie Griswold : It's not important what I stuck my finger in and what I burnt down. What is important... is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
Rusty Griswold : Bitches?...
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Debbie Griswold : I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so... In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.
Heather : It was?
Debbie Griswold : Yeah.
Heather : Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
Debbie Griswold : Yeah
Heather : Oh, my shit. Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you! Guys, come here! Bring over the book! It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
Debbie Griswold : How do you know who I am?
Heather : Oh, my God, are you kidding me? You're like a legend at Tri-Pi. You're Debbie Do-Anything!
Rusty Griswold : [astonished] Debbie Do-Anything?
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James Griswold : [surprised] What's Mom doing?
Rusty Griswold : She's, uh, teaching these bitches a lesson.
Kevin Griswold : [in awe] This is the best thing I've ever seen.
James Griswold : Why is she puking so much?
Rusty Griswold : It's for ass burgers.
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Debbie Griswold : Honey, is that a swastika on there?
Rusty Griswold : Yeah. We won't use that.
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Rusty Griswold : I think I know my wife pretty well, and she wouldn't have done any of those things.
Debbie Griswold : But you know what? What's important is not whether I did them or I didn't do them. What's important is that you guys are idolizing very bad behavior here.
Heather : Uh, ew, you don't sound like Debbie Do-Anything...
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Rusty Griswold : That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
Debbie Griswold : Did you say "Tartan," honey'!
Rusty Griswold : Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
James Griswold : Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
Rusty Griswold : Renting a family car on Memorial Day weekend doesn't leave you with a lot of options. But this baby is pretty sweet. It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
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Stone Crandall : If you're up for it I can always use an extra set of hands.
Rusty Griswold : Well, I was born with an extra set of hands.
Stone Crandall : That's an odd thing to say, heh. But I reckon this'll be the highlight of your trip.
