Dr. Matsutani: [confiscating Larry's phone] They call them smart phones, but only dummies use them in my class.

Mercedes Tainot: Are you clairvoyant?

Steve Dibiasi: No... Steve Dibiasi...

Talia Francesco: Hey - we all got free tattoos. I wanted something in Japanese so check this out.

[Shows tattoo]

Talia Francesco: That one says courage, that one says spirit. Courageous spirit.

Larry Crowne: That's Chinese, and it says soy sauce.

Lamar: I told you how to avoid divorce lawyers. You get married, and you stay married.

Dr. Matsutani: This is college, there's only two things you can't do: smoke in the building and use your phone in my class.

[holds out his hand]

Mercedes Tainot: Larry, you're a great student. I'm not an easy A.

Pizza Delivery Boy: How much change do you want back?

Mercedes Tainot: Why don't you keep it? But just remember, a teacher once gave you a $12 tip. You stay in school.

Pizza Delivery Boy: [as the door closes] Thank you... You're a babe! Where do you teach...

Mercedes Tainot: [Talking to class] So, get out. Get out, now! Go, right now! Go!

Mercedes Tainot: [No one moves] It was worth a try.

Mercedes Tainot: I'm divorcing a professor-turned-writer-turned-blogger with the libido of a 13 year-old and two published books to his credit.

Dean Tainot: [to Mercedes] You know, I know what really pisses you off. What is really pissing you off is that I like big knockers and you don't have any!... Maybe I should take that back.

Mercedes Tainot: [in front of her class] Why are you here, Steve?

Steve Dibiasi: Dean of Student Services said your class would change my life!

[his phone rings]

Steve Dibiasi: I gotta take this.

Dell Gordo: [using Larry's new code name] Mr. Lance Corona. Raise your right hand. Say something patriotic.

Larry Crowne: [raises his right hand] We'll be right back after these messages.

Dell Gordo: Welcome to the Street Patrol. We ride for justice and beauty. It's a full-time job, Lance.

Mercedes Tainot: [to Larry] Would you... Would you like to kiss me? Just if you... If you wanted to kiss me, it would really be your lucky night, because I'm half in the bag and my husband won't be home for, you know, three to five years.

Mercedes Tainot: [low-key, dark sunglasses] Last night was a confluence of too many things happening in too short of a time span. Yeah. I believe there was an inappropriate exchange between teacher and student. I was worked up and under the influence of the demon rum. Reminded me of a spotty incident I once had with a parking lot attendant, which was... At any rate, I hope the entire thing can be forgiven and forgotten. If gossip of this nature were to circulate, it would be not only embarrassing, but my status as a professor could be tarnished.

Larry Crowne: Well, I wouldn't want that.

Mercedes Tainot: So, no bragging to your pals about almost scoring with the drunken professor.

Larry Crowne: [nodding yes] Well, I should scurry along. Hope I don't have the same conversation with Dr. Matsutani...

Larry Crowne: Somebody skipped Matsutani's class!

Talia Francesco: I dropped out of college today.

Larry Crowne: What?

Talia Francesco: "No, Talia, don't be a fool, stay in school. And don't drink and drive, or do drugs, and quit smoking, and eat vegetables." I don't, I stopped, I did, I do.

Frances: When a man shows his true colors, that's when a woman has to make the decision to go or no go.

Mercedes Tainot: And we got pizza to go!

[last lines]

Mercedes Tainot: You told Lala my class changed your life.

Larry Crowne: Yes, yes, I said that. I met you.

[they kiss]

Larry Crowne: So, are you hungry?

Mercedes Tainot: Extremely.

Larry Crowne: Let me show you the world's smallest kitchen. It's where I make my French toast.

Lamar: [having been fired] I thought I was gonna be Employee of the Month.

Jack Strang: Well, in a way, you are!