Scared Sexy

Lasting a whopping three hours and 18 minutes long, this compilation of five horror/porn vignettes by B. Skow is truly awful. It merely recycles the clumsiest and most tired of horror tropes as an excuse to frame endlessly dull XXX content, presenting a marathon few die-hards apart from myself would ever suffer through.

Redundancy is Skow's calling card, as several unrelated vignettes are virtually remakes of each other. It's as if horror had only a couple of gimmicks worth parodying or in this case copying, when in fact any one of the famous mainstream horror parodies trots out dozens of familiar if cornball notions.

So we have guys playing horror pranks on their wives or girlfriends, one after the other. Title vignette has Mark Wood as a masked stalker taking his good old time before springing on his gal Vanessa Leon, only to reveal himself so they can settle down and hump. Attempted suspense here with first-person camera is dully presented by Skow, a cameraman who Peter Principled his way to the director's chair but insists on handling his own camera still. Editing is extremely bad, making this initial vignette poor enough to have most viewers ejecting the DVD unfinished.

But I soldiered on, and was not rewarded. The same exact stunt is executed by Mr. Marcus in a segment aptly titled "Stalker", so the big fella gives lover Krissy Lynn a hard time until revealing himself and delivering interracial sex with the busty starlet. Interracial is Skow's unstated emphasis throughout the compendium.

So we have another Black dude Tee Reel deflowering Charley Chase in "Power Outage", another prank. Acting in this vignette is particularly poor.

"Black Mask" saves a buck by enlisting crew member Mike Maravich as husband to AJ Bailey, phoning home with his plan for dirty role-playing with her after work. Unbeknownst to him his co-worker Mr. Peter overhears the ploy, and shows up masked instead to hump the lady. Skow's artistic license of her not recognizing the differences between the two men (one would have though Pete's porn stud cock would have been a dead giveaway let alone other things a wife should recall from her spouse's anatomy/smell, etc.) is ridiculous, as is Mike's arriving too late and doing a double-take at the cuckolding aftermath.

Finale titled "Slumber Party" has Bailey back in action with gal pal Misty Stone, humped by James Deen who is also a prankster. He's shooting a home video to boot, and Skow's producer/production manager at Vivid Video named Shylar Cobi doubles in a pointless cameo and as a cameraman, bearing phony credits like "Mark Habib-Smoller" and "Habib Mohammed" in lieu of extra pay. So ends a true clunker.