Abby Jensen: I didn't want to be an adult, I wanted to be treated like one.

Snooty Saleswoman: I'm sorry. This is a store, not a playground.

Jay Kepler: Exactly.

Abby Jensen: I like this one.

Snooty Saleswoman: I'm sure you do. Why don't you kids come back with your parents.

Abby Jensen: We're not kids, I'm 16.

Snooty Saleswoman: Oh, congratulations. Now give me the dress.

Abby Jensen: No, we're buying it. Jay, show her your money.

[Jay grabs the wallet when all of the sudden, his pockets were empty]

Jay Kepler: My wallet!

Snooty Saleswoman: You out!

Abby Jensen: But, no no, you can't.

Snooty Saleswoman: Watch me.

[gives cue to Jay to get him to leave the store. He leaves]

Abby Jensen: But we're customers!

Snooty Saleswoman: No, you're children! Get that dress off now!

Abby Jensen: Your magic candles made a mistake.

Celeste: Candles don't make mistakes, people do.

Abby Jensen: This can't be happening. Not to me. Not *today*. Daddy, I left some clothes in my gym locker. Please please please drive me to school.

[Celeste signals wasps to cover the cars. Abby turns around seeing the cars infested with wasps and turns back]

Bob Jensen: I don't think so, Pumpkin.

Abby Jensen: Any other magic candle rules I should know about?

Celeste: Only one, but it's a doozy. The magic in the candles expires at midnight tonight so no more wishes after then. Oh, and all the wishes you made by then become permanent.

Abby Jensen: At midnight.

Celeste: Yeah.

Abby Jensen: So at midnight, that gorgeous car out there is mine forever?

Celeste: Absolutely!

Abby Jensen: And in 26 minutes, I'll have cuter clothes than Krista Cook.

Celeste: Yeah. She really can't stand you.

Abby Jensen: Mom, I'm just a kid. I can't live here by myself.

Sue Jensen: Abby, don't be so dramatic. Lots of girls your age have their own apartments.

Bob Jensen: I moved out when I was 18.

Abby Jensen: But I'm not 18.

Bob Jensen: No, you're 21.

Sue Jensen: 22 today. Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Jay Kepler: I'm not your best friend, I'm a sophomore, you're a... woman.

Abby Jensen: When I'm 16, I'll have the best party ever.

Jay Kepler: But you're not 16 anymore.

Abby Jensen: [while looking at high school memories and missing her graduation as well as flashbacks at what people were saying to her] Oh no. No no no no. This isn't what I wanted.

Miss Duffy: Do we know each other?

Abby Jensen: Yeah.

Miss Duffy: Ah, you're the new substitute teacher which means I don't have to babysit those little monsters. They're all yours.

Abby Jensen: Krista! I know you've loathed me since we were 8 years old, but I didn't know you've been keeping score!

Krista Cook: Where did you get that?

Abby Jensen: From the birthday fairy.

Krista Cook: Right. Give it to me!

Abby Jensen: When we were 10, I had my first sleepover. So you decided to have one, too. But you've payed everyone to come to yours!

Krista Cook: You have no right to read that, it's mine!

Abby Jensen: Well then why is it all about me? When we were 12, I entered the school talent show with my baton twirling act. So you entered it, too; juggling 12 batons! Every year, you've competed with me and every year, you've won. You've tortured me since 3rd grade! Can't you just give it a rest?

Krista Cook: Don't play innocent with me! You know what you did. And for this, I'm going to make sure nobody comes to your party! Here.

[hands party invitation]

Abby Jensen: What's this?

Krista Cook: It's my invitation to my sweet 16 birthday party tonight. Everyone's going to be there. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some campaigning to do.

Abby Jensen: Excuse me, where's my friend?

Snooty Saleswoman: Oh, there was a boy in here. But he left with the girl in the cutest little yellow car.

Abby Jensen: Wait, he left with Krista?

Snooty Saleswoman: It appears so. Turn around

[Abby turns around]

Snooty Saleswoman: Oh, that outfit is all wrong. It's far too young for you.

Abby Jensen: It's suddenly really tight.

Snooty Saleswoman: Let's get you into something a little more age appropriate. Let's try these.

Abby Jensen: Oh, but I don't have any money.

Snooty Saleswoman: Oh, we'll just put it in your charge account.

Abby Jensen: I have a charge account.

Snooty Saleswoman: Is everything alright, miss Jensen?

Abby Jensen: Oh, yeah. Everything's just fine.

Abby Jensen: I wish I could start this whole day over again.

Abby Jensen: Wasps!

Bob Jensen: Yeah.

Mike Jensen: I saw one crawling on the AC vent.

Abby Jensen: No, not one, thousands nesting up there for 16 years!

Sue Jensen: Sweetheart, we know.

Abby Jensen: No. You don't know. You can't possibly know that the whole house is gonna be totally infested. And then the wasps will be taking over the cars. And you and dad will have to live in the driveway, but then Joey Lockhart will come and kiss me. And I'll get candles and wishes and some really gorgeous clothes and everything will look like it's gonna be ok. But then, I'll make a really stupid wish that I didn't mean to make and I'll have to grow up and live alone and I'll miss my party and this'll turn out to the worst 16th birthday in the history of 16th birthdays. You have to call the exterminator, now!

Abby Jensen: I hate sushi and I always will!

Mike Jensen: [Abby takes the fake guitar from Mike] Hey!

Abby Jensen: This is for you. I was saving it for my sweet 16 party, but I think you need it more.

Mike Jensen: Whoa. For what?

Abby Jensen: A real guitar. I think you're really talented.

Mike Jensen: [He gives Abby a hug] Thank you, Abs!

Abby Jensen: I love you, Mike.

Krista Cook: [while buying a pair of sunglasses] I'll take these.

[looks back at Abby and Jay]

Krista Cook: I really feel for you.

[pays the saleswoman]

Krista Cook: Wasting your time on kids like that.

Snooty Saleswoman: A customer's a customer.

Krista Cook: Oh, trust me. They won't be buying anything.

Celeste: Abigail Jensen?

Abby Jensen: Yes?

Celeste: [hands package] This is for you.

Jay Kepler: [Abby opens her package] Don't open it!

Abby Jensen: Why?

Jay Kepler: Real mail is delivered to your house, not your bus stop.

Abby Jensen: So?

Jay Kepler: It could be a bomb.

Abby Jensen: It's not a bomb, it's a birthday present. And I'm opening it.

Abby Jensen: I need my life back! I wished away my friends, my sweet 16 party, my senior prom. Look

[pulls graduation photo]

Abby Jensen: I missed graduation! I need to take that wish back.

Celeste: Oh sweetie. I'm afraid that's not possible. The candles and your wishes go together and since there's no do-over wish on your list, I'm afraid when midnight comes this is your life.

Abby Jensen: [flashback mode] When I'm 16, people will stop treating me like a kid.

Snooty Saleswoman: Let's get you into something more age appropriate.

Miss Duffy: You're the new substitute teacher.

Jay Kepler: Stop it. I'm not your best friend. I'm a sophomore, you're a... woman.

Bob Jensen: No, you're 21.

Sue Jensen: 22 today. Happy birthday, sweetheart.