Bella: Dad, I was wondering, why didn't you ever get married after mom?

Charlie: Well, actually, I almost did, sweetheart. His name was Frank. He had the hottest eight-pack I'd ever seen in my life. He loved tennis as much as I did, and on the weekends we'd go to Palm Springs, get one of those rooms with two queens for $69.69. We'd go antiquing, take the sky tram, ass-hump...

Bella: Oh, gross, dad. Why don't you just tell me about the sky tram?

Charlie: Of course. "Sky Tram" is when I get nude and stand on the bed, he lies on the floor and jerks off, and if he shoots a load in the air and I catch it in my mouth, we both yell out, "SKY TRAM!"

[squeals]