26 July 2016 | lor_
Insulting porn aimed at morons
David Lord, who apparently fancies himself a film director, perpetrates this embarrassing attempt at sex comedy, based on the premise that misogyny is intrinsically funny. His heavy hand is evident throughout, even conspiring to make a talented farceur Eric Masterson in the lead role look bad.
John Leslie directed a classic "Dog Walker" two decades earlier, and that one will stand the test of time. Lord's "The Dog Walker" self-destructs as rapidly as a Peter Graves' tape recording on TV's "Mission: Impossible".
Masterson is a pussy-whipped husband, with film dwelling on the negative antics of his busty wife Abbey Brooks in slapstick fashion. That sets the stage for a woman-hating script, underscored by the consistently annoying performance of Barrett Blade as Eric's best buddy at work, slaving at an insurance company headed up by another hateful woman, poorly played by Rhylee Richards.
The pointless title comes into play with Alexis Ford walking a bunch of dogs, in a meet cute in a park with Eric. The corny resolution of them falling in love is dullsville, and pre-boob enhancement Alexis is pretty much blank throughout, not the effervescent presence one needs in a rom-com heroine.
Along the way there is plenty of sex filler: Rhylee humping another employee, tattooed Derrick Pierce; a requisite lesbian scene highlighting the scrumptious Evie Delatosso hooking up with Alexis, and a fake-tits stripper Sarah Jessie bedding down with Blade. The constant misogyny of Blade and Eric's other male co-stars is wearying, hitting a low point when professional non-sex extra James Bartholet makes a fool of himself in a strip club scene. How a guy like that makes a living NOT humping in sex films is beyond me.
Sloppiest work by Lord comes when he takes the trouble to stage a brief black & white Silent Film vignette depicting Eric's budding romance with Alexis and then suddenly jump-cuts back to the stripper action -a preposterously harsh mood destroyer.
Attempts at humor are below sleazy burlesque levels: many teasing kink scenes with Brooks, and even stooping to rubber chicken (and man-in-chicken-suit) jokes. I felt several of my IQ points had disappeared after watching this sludge, so a warning label on the DVD box wouldn't hurt.