Kung Fu Beauty

B. Skow takes endless screen credits for this Vivid stinker, so presumably he's proud of the results. Reminds me of Trump telling us how great he is at every opportunity.

Posing as a feature film combining martial arts with porn, it succeeds at neither. AJ Bailey is sorely miscast in the title role, though she inadvertently lets us know the project was doomed from the get-go when she explains in the BTS short subject that it should be titled Ninja something-or-other rather than Kung Fu.

Looking more like a little girl playing dress up than the tough as nails leading lady, Bailey voices over plenty of exposition to fill in the blanks in Skow's deficient screenplay. Her quest for revenge is boring, punctuated by mechanical sex scenes.

While delivering precious little action for an action movie, apart from some poorly executed speeded-up footage and editing tricks to make it seem that AJ is agile, we do get a modicum of gore and blood near the end, when AJ dispatches the weak villain played by Billy Glide.

For no apparent reason, two very familiar Euro porn stars pop up in minor roles, Denis Marti and Clarke Kent, while Brazzers regulars Scott Nails and Johnny Sins seem quite out of place in a Vivid video. Sins recites his lines so poorly that his contemporaneous Brazzers burlesques seem Oscar-worthy by comparison.

Skow's incompetence is most evident in a stupid ending sequence set "One Year Later" in which a young couple (Kiara Diane and Mikey Butders billed as Pacino) move into AJ's former home and find her discarded medallion. That's just a build-up to the "to be continued..." end card meaning that I'll be suffering through "Kung Fu Beauty 2" soon. Diane and Pacino (sounds like a Godfather movie, doesn't it) have a 20-minute sex scene, but it's left for the Bonus section of the DVD.