16 February 2015 | dabooterang11
Not quite Man v. Food, but it was great..
Myself and my Father were fans of Man v. Food so decided to go to the X-Rated video store to see if we could purchase Season 1 on DVD however this was all that they had available at the time, we decided it had been a while since we did a Dirty Film Friday so we got the DVD, some baby lotion (I've recently had dry skin on my back) and some snacks and headed home.
We start up the DVD waiting to see some epic food eating challenges but are confronted by what I can only call the dark abyss and as the quote goes "If you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you" - Friedrich Nietzsche. I felt the Abyss staring into my soul, it brought on a very uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach especially because I could see some of last nights sweetcorn on the walls of the abyss.
The film was ridiculously eerie but the first food challenge was about to take place, me and my Father were extremely anxious to see what this young man was about to consume, he began by eating the sweetcorn off the corner of the abyss and then proceeded to french kiss her mystical fart box. It was incredibly brave, I can safely confirm that Adam Richman never took on a challenge this great.
At this stage I was beginning to feel quite sick and light headed myself as I was eating my dessert, a chocolate mousse without a spoon (They all needed washing and we're lazy men) I lost the will to go through his experience and ended up throwing up all over my favourite Pink Panther PJ bottoms. The sick looked like a skat fetishists wet dream however I was absolutely disgusted by this.
Soon I found that I would indeed be needing that baby oil and some tissues too, the sick had gone through the fabric of my PJ's and onto my legs, I used the baby oil to smooth off the vomit and the tissues to remove the stains from my legs.
The film had a very touching moment that I wasn't quite expecting from a food eating challenge video, Bobbi Starr made a speech that hit home with incredible power I will ad-lib the speech here for you now "Life, is a lot like eating the fecal matter of another human being, a lot like tonguing the dark abyss and a lot like drinking from the brown challis, if you are submissive you end up on your knees with a bad taste in your mouth so to all of those watching, take charge of the one life you are given and be brave." I was in tears after this speech as it really hit home for me, at that moment I decided that I was done with being a 29 year old virgin who watches porn films with my Dad...
This film inspired me to go out there and change my life for the better, now I am a successful cleaner who watches porn alone, on the job rather than with my Father, the courage to pursue this never would've happened if I didn't watch this eating challenge that faithful day.
Bobbi Starr, I love you and thank you so much for your positive message, now that you have changed my life I can overlook the sweetcorn and stare lovingly into your abyss alone at work.
My rating 8/10 - Change my life, the way I look at life... I deduct 2 points simply because you ruined my favourite Pink Panther Pajama bottoms.
My Dads Rating - 10/10 - My Son has stopped watching awkward films with me now, actually has a job and has only been caught looking at porn during work hours 8 times... This changed not just his life but mine, I also admire the bravery of Bobbi Starr for not caring what people think of her unwashed backside.
All in all, we could recommend this to anyone and everyone.