- [from trailer]
- Jody Moreno: You are literally the last person on Earth I wanna see. I'd slap the shit outta you. I really could.
- Colt Seavers: And I'm open to that in a safer environment.
- Dan Tucker: But it ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
- Colt Seavers: Nah, man! You can't quote Rocky on me like that!
- Colt Seavers: I'm just a boy in a neon suit, standing in front of a girl, reminding her that Notting Hill is her favorite movie. And she watches Love Actually every year of Christmas.
- [from trailer]
- Jody Moreno: I'm the director. You're a stunt guy. We need to keep it super profesh.
- Colt Seavers: Profesh is my middle name.
- Jody Moreno: You said your middle name was Danger.
- Colt Seavers: That's my stage name.
- [from trailer]
- Colt Seavers: [preparing his dog, sitting next to him in a truck, for a jump] I'll buy you a drink after this is over! Engage your core!
- [cut to Colt icing his fist in a frozen margarita with the dog sitting next to him lapping up a drink in a beer glass]
- [from trailer]
- Colt Seavers: [after a fight; talking to Jody] I had no choice. I had to do some Jason Bourne shit!
- [from trailer]
- Jody Moreno: You fall down, you get right back up. How far would you go for the one that you love?
- Colt Seavers: Tom, you need carbs! Your brain runs on glucose! For simple cognitive functions, you need them!
- Tom Ryder: It's high noon at the edge of the universe, folks. Now, we're facing a powerful enemy. An alien species born of the worst of humanity's traits. Well, what our enemy doesn't see is that their demise is imminent. And the most powerful weapon in all galaxy? Love. Inside each and every one of you is a spark, baby. An ember. A goddamn fire! Love is how we will win. And even if we lose, we're gonna die fighting for a happy ending!
- Doone: No offence, but I prefer cartoons. See, movies are always trying to make things real. But it's not real. It's a movie. It's not meant to be real. That's why I like cartoons. Y'see, 'cause cartoons don't pretend to be real.
- Colt Seavers: I'm just a stunt guy! I'm working on Metalstorm, too!
- Iggy Starr: You lie! We're only on Metalstorm 1!
- Colt Seavers: I meant "also!"
- Colt Seavers: Y'know, honestly? It, uh, it all hurts. Getting hit by a car hurts. Being thrown out of a window hurts. Getting set on fire really hurts. But, uh... None of it ever hurt as much as not being with you.
- Jody Moreno: Where are you?
- Colt Seavers: Is that from a movie, or did I just make that up? It's pretty good. You can use it, if you want.
- Dressler: There he is!
- Jody Moreno: No, please...
- Colt Seavers: For what it's worth, I'm still in love with you. And I don't think you should give up on that happy ending.
- Jody Moreno: Colt...
- Colt Seavers: I gotta go.
- Colt Seavers: I just wanted to say that when I first got here, when you asked how I was doing and I gave you the thumbs-up, when you were like, "That's stunt guy bullshit," and you're right, it's total cliché, but, you know, there's a reason you don't see the thumbs-down stunt guy. You know, it's kind of part of our training. Right? You know, you get hit by a car, you get thrown out of a window, you get set on fire, you give the thumbs-up. But, uh, after my accident -- turns out, was not an accident, by the way -- I, uh... I wasn't okay. And not because I broke my back, because I just felt like a huge... failure. And I realized that, uh... you know, I'm not invincible. Huge shocker. And I thought maybe I wasn't so special or something, so I, uh... just figured that the thumbs-down version of me wasn't what you got into it for, so I disappeared. But, you know, I didn't just disappear on you. Uh... just disappeared on, on, uh, myself... too. Anyway, I'm sorry. You deserved more than that. I'm sorry.
- Colt Seavers: Did you just turn Jody into the sexy bacon?
- Gail Meyer: She's been the sexy bacon all along.
- Colt Seavers: Well, it all hurts. It always hurts. Getting hit by a car hurts. Getting set on fire hurts. And getting thrown out of a window really hurts.
- Colt Seavers: [Upon receipt of detailed contextual notes from Director] I can hit the rock better now---thanks
- Tom Ryder: It's nothing personal
- Colt Seavers: Well I'm taking it personal; the torture, the drugging, the taser...
- Tom Ryder: [Racing to to their potential deaths] Wait! He has a mouthguard! I don't have a mouthguard!
- [Notes on thousands of Post-its covering every surface of his flat]
- Tom Ryder: Buy unicorn food
- Tom Ryder: Clean this mirror
- Tom Ryder: Read Leitch on Leitch book
- Tom Ryder: Liam or Chris?
- Tom Ryder: Dinner w Trump
- Tom Ryder: Anal beads?
- Tom Ryder: Jack I'll never let go!... let's go
- Tom Ryder: Inconceivable what does it mean
- [drawing of Sydney Harbour Bridge]
- Tom Ryder: Get one in LA
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