High School Teacher: Let's go Wreck it Ralph. Principal's office now!
Video game dev: Is that a pirate blouse?
Ben Cooper: Yarrr!
Paul Dumphy: Dude i've been looking everywhere for you. Have you heard about Phillip Parker?
Alexander Cooper: I don't want to hear anything more about his amazing party.
Paul Dumphy: No it's cancelled.
Alexander Cooper: What?
Paul Dumphy: Yeah he woke up with chicken pox. He texted me this picture these things are everywhere.
Alexander Cooper: Oh.
Paul Dumphy: They're even in his butt crack.
Alexander Cooper: It's 12:01 Melvin. It's my birthday. Do you feel alone in the world? I just wish they understood! I just wish they knew what it felt like to have a terrible horrible no good very bad day.
Anthony Cooper: Bro i gotta take a shower. I gotta get to school or Celia won't call me back. Oh no. No way not today. Get out dude. Get out!
Emily Cooper: What a to-do to die today at a minute or two to two. A thing distinctly hard to say but harder still to do. We'll beat a tattoo at a minute or two and a rat tat tat tat tat tattoo. And the dragon will come to the beat of the drum. At a minute or two to two today. At a minute or two to two... A big black bug bit a big black bear.
Emily Cooper: I think i broke Captain Hook's nose.
Ben Cooper: Honey bumble bee is gone.
Kelly Cooper: If you hadn't left the battery out of my car all night Dick van Dyke wouldn't be mad at me Chim Chimminy wants to kill me. Can you imagine?
High School Teacher: This isn't Gossip Girl you two. Get back inside Celia.
Anthony Cooper: [to Alexander throwing a ball at him while on the phone] What's your problem?
Celia: [on the phone thinking Anthony was talking to her] Excuse me?
Anthony Cooper: You know what, you're so annoying. Why can't you just chill out for one second. You're exhausting.
Celia: Are you kidding?
Anthony Cooper: Sorry, Celia. That was my idiot brother.
[realizing Celia hung up on him]
Anthony Cooper: Celia?
Anthony Cooper: Celia! Hey, Celia. Wait up. Hey, what's wrong? You haven't been answering your phone since last night.
Celia: Why do you care? I thought I was so exhausting.
Anthony Cooper: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to my idiot brother.
Anthony Cooper: I tried calling you back.
Celia: Yeah, well, I really don't feel like talking to you. I just don't think you understand the emotional responsibilities that comes from having a girlfriend.
Anthony Cooper: Wait. Are you breaking up with me? What about tonight?
Celia: I don't even want to go.