The Lords of Salem (2012)

R   |    |  Horror, Thriller


The Lords of Salem (2012) Poster

Heidi, a radio DJ, is sent a box containing a record - a "gift from the Lords". The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of her town's violent past. Is Heidi going mad, or are the Lords back to take revenge on Salem, Massachusetts?

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5.1/10
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  • Sheri Moon Zombie in The Lords of Salem (2012)
  • Sheri Moon Zombie and Rob Zombie at an event for The Lords of Salem (2012)
  • Sheri Moon Zombie at an event for The Lords of Salem (2012)
  • The Lords of Salem (2012)
  • Jeff Daniel Phillips in The Lords of Salem (2012)
  • Sid Haig as Dean Magnus

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30 November 2013 | crazykittieboy
4
| Sometimes stylish, nearly entirely forgettable
I can start by saying, at least at times this movie was a visual treat. I can't say all the time, though. The majority of this movie was Sheri wandering around aimlessly from location to location, where the script highlighted her laughably bad acting. I can't say she is by any means a bad actress, this movie just never gave her an opportunity other than to sleepwalk. Sleepwalking is probably the best way to describe this film, which takes a rather interested premise and manages to bore the death out of everyone with it. Literally the only saving grace is the orgasmic last 1/6th of the movie, without it this score would've been borderline 1. Also, I will add, for a musician to be making this film, I expected a far greater soundtrack.

Where did this go wrong? First thing comes to mind is the decision to make this a feature film. This film had about as much content as a short film, and if it would've stuck to this route, IMO, it would've been much better. The film almost consists of entirely filler. The first time we are introduced to the Salem witches it is a visual treat, the 10th time it has long warn thin. I'm just wondering why Hollywood can't seem to make a witch movie right. The Craft is usually pointed to, but upon second viewing the Craft is nothing special. Don't bring up Hocus Pocus, either. It seems that witch movies tend to be so poorly done, and it is such a shame. I really wanted Lords of Salem to bring something new to the table.

What we got instead was every horror cliché in the book, terrible acting, horrific soundtrack, filled with at least an hour of pointless filter.

This film far from accomplishes what it set out to do, though, I must admit, towards the end I had a smile on my face. It was a sad reminder of exactly what this film could've been. 4 out of 10.

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