Wreck-It Ralph: Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Surge Protector: Step aside, sir. Random security check.
Wreck-It Ralph: Random, my behind. You always stop me.
Surge Protector: I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir. Name?
Wreck-It Ralph: Lara Croft.
Surge Protector: Name?
Wreck-It Ralph: Wreck-It Ralph.
Surge Protector: And where you coming from?
Wreck-It Ralph: Uh, "Pac-Man."
Surge Protector: You bring any fruit with you?
Wreck-It Ralph: [hides the giant cherries behind his back] No! No, no fruit.
Surge Protector: Okay, then, where you headed?
Wreck-It Ralph: Uh, "Fix-It Felix, Jr."
Surge Protector: Anything to declare?
Wreck-It Ralph: I hate you.
Surge Protector: I get that a lot. Proceed.
[Ralph hurtles down towards Diet Cola Mountain, preparing to sacrifice himself to save Vanellope and the rest of the game]
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm bad, and that's good! I will never be good, and that's not bad!
[He looks at the cookie medal Vanellope gave him: "YOU'RE MY HERO"]
Wreck-It Ralph: There's no-one I'd rather be... than me.
Wreck-It Ralph: [voice-over] But the best part of my day is when the Nicelanders throw me off the roof. Because when they lift me up, I get a perfect view of "Sugar Rush," and I can watch Vanellope racing. The kid's a natural, and the players love her, glitch and all, just like I knew they would.
[Over at Sugar Rush, Venellope wins her race, receives her trophy, and fist-bumps the girl playing the game]
Wreck-It Ralph: Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy. Because if that little kid likes me...
[Vanellope, holding her trophy, smiles and waves at Ralph. Ralph waves back, smiling contentedly]
Wreck-It Ralph: How bad can I be?
Sergeant Calhoun: Doomsday and Armageddon just had a baby and it... is... ugly!
Wreck-It Ralph: My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see... I'm nine feet tall, I weigh six hundred and forty-three pounds. Got a bit of a temper on me. My passion bubbles very near the surface, I guess, not gonna lie. Anyhoo, what else? Uh... I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. "Fix-It Felix, Jr." So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, ha! And no, there aren't. For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go, it's sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job... when no one else seems to like you for doing it.
Wreck-It Ralph: [Referring to his medal] I didn't win it in my game, I won it in Hero's Duty.
Vanellope von Schweetz: 'Hero's Doodie'? Pffffft!
Wreck-It Ralph: It's not that kind of duty!
Vanellope von Schweetz: [Still laughing] I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called 'Hero's Doodie'! What did ya get the medal for? Wiping? I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal!
Wreck-It Ralph: I don't have time for this.
Vanellope von Schweetz: One more, one more. Why did the the hero flush the toilet?... Say why.
Wreck-It Ralph: Why?
Vanellope von Schweetz: Because it was his... doodie!
Wreck-It Ralph: How dare you insult Hero's Duty, you little guttersnipe! I earned that medal! And you better get it back for me toot-sweet sister!
Vanellope von Schweetz: Well unless you've got a kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can't help you.
Vanellope von Schweetz: You could stay. You could have your own castle, where you can wreck and stink as much as you want, and no one would ever treat you badly ever again.
Wreck-It Ralph: Thanks. But I have a job to do. It may not be as fancy as being president but it's my duty, and it's a *big* duty!
[Vanellope chuckles bashfully]
Fix-It Felix: Do you have any idea what you put me through? Higgeldy-piggeldy, I ran all over creation looking for you! I almost drowned in chocolate milk mix! And then... I met the most dynamite gal. Oh, she gives me the honey glow something awful! But, she rebuffed my affections. And then, I GOT THROWN IN JAIL!
Wreck-It Ralph: Felix, pull yourself together!
Fix-It Felix: No, Ralph! You don't know what it's like to be rejected and treated like a criminal.
Wreck-It Ralph: Yes I do... That's every day of my life.
Fix-It Felix: It is?
Wreck-It Ralph: Which is why I tried to run away and be a good guy. But I'm not! I'm just a bad guy. And I need your help. There's a little girl who's only hope is this cart. Please, Felix, fix it. And I promise, I will never try to be good again.
Sergeant Calhoun: Flattery don't charge these batteries, civilian.
Sergeant Calhoun: "Fear" is a four-letter word, ladies! You wanna go peepee in your big-boy slacks, keep it to yourself!
Wreck-It Ralph: They invited Pac-Man? That cherry-chasing dot-muncher isn't even part of this game!
[Ralph returns to Vanellope with the fixed go-kart]
Wreck-It Ralph: I know, I know, I know. I'm an idiot.
Vanellope von Schweetz: And?
Wreck-It Ralph: A real numb-skull?
Vanellope von Schweetz: And?
Wreck-It Ralph: A selfish diaper-baby.
Vanellope von Schweetz: AND?
Wreck-It Ralph: A stinkbrain?
Vanellope von Schweetz: The stinkiest brain ever.
Sergeant Calhoun: Your face is still red, you might want to hit it with your hammer again.
Fix-It Felix: Oh, that ain't blunt force trauma, ma'am. It's just the honeyglow in my cheeks. You know, you are one dynamite gal.
Calhoun's Fiancee: [At the artillery range] You know, you are one dynamite gal.
[On a date]
Calhoun's Fiancee: You are one dynamite gal.
[At a park]
Calhoun's Fiancee: Dynamite gal.
Calhoun's Fiancee: Dynamite gal.
[At the wedding]
Calhoun's Fiancee: Dynamite gal.
[the cy-bug bursts in and kills him]
Sergeant Calhoun: NOOOOO!
[stops the ship]
Sergeant Calhoun: Get out!
Fix-It Felix: But... all I said is that you're a dynamite gal.
Sergeant Calhoun: I said get out!
[Felix disembarks and Calhoun flies off alone]
Sonic the Hedgehog: If you leave your game, stay safe, stay alert, and whatever you do, don't die! Because if you die outside of your own game, you don't regenerate. EVER! Game over.
Sour Bill: Now I remember.
[walking up to Vanellope]
Sour Bill: All hail the rightful ruler of Sugar Rush, Princess Vanellope.
Taffyta Muttonfudge: I remember, she's our princess!
Candlehead: Oh, that's right!
Taffyta Muttonfudge: We are *so* sorry about the way we treated you!
Rancis Fluggerbutter: Yeah, those were... jokes!
Candlehead: [whining] I was just doing what Taffyta told me to do!
Vanellope von Schweetz: Tut, tut. As your merciful princess, I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be... executed.
Sugar Rush Racers: *What?* No, no, no, please...
Fix-It Felix: Oh, my land!
Sergeant Calhoun: Oh! This place just got interesting.
Taffyta Muttonfudge: [crying] I don't want to die!
Vanellope von Schweetz: Ah, I'm just kidding.
Taffyta Muttonfudge: You are?
Vanellope von Schweetz: Stop crying, Taffyta.
Taffyta Muttonfudge: [eyes streaming] I'm trying, but... it won't stop!
[in the middle of "Hero's Duty"]
Wreck-It Ralph: I thought this would be like "Centipede"! When did video games become so violent and scary? Just let me out of here, please!
Clyde: Question, Ralph. We've been asking you to Bad-Anon for years now, and tonight you finally show up. Why is that?
Wreck-It Ralph: I dunno, I just felt like coming. I mean, I suppose it has something to do with the fact that uh... well, today's the 30th anniversary of my game.
Saitine: Happy anniversary, Ralph.
Wreck-It Ralph: Thanks Satan.
Saitine: Uh, it's "Saitine".
Wreck-It Ralph: Got it. But here's the thing... I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore.
[the Bad-Anon members gasp]
Cyborg: You can't mess with the program, Ralph!
M. Bison: You're not going Turbo, are you?
Wreck-It Ralph: Turbo? No, I'm not going Turbo! Common guys! Is it "Turbo" to want a friend? Or a medal? Or a piece of pie every once and awhile? Is it "Turbo" to want more out of life?
Clyde: Ralph, Ralph, we get it. But we can't change who we are. The sooner you accept that, the better off your game and your life will be.
Zangief: Hey, one game at a time, Ralph.
Clyde: Now let's close out the with Bad Guy affirmation.
Sergeant Calhoun: The selfish man is like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale.
Sergeant Calhoun: This is it, ladies! The kitten whispers and tickle fights end now!
Wreck-It Ralph: What's going on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?
Wreck-It Ralph: Sometimes I think, man, it sure must be nice being the good guy.
[Bad-Anon members applaud]
Clyde: Nice share, Ralph. We've all felt what you're feeling and we've come to terms with it.
Wreck-It Ralph: Really?
Zangief: Right here. I'm Zangief, I'm bad guy.
Bad-Anon Members: Hi Zangief.
Zangief: I relate to you, Ralph. When I hit bottom, I was crushing man's skull like sparrow's egg, between my thighs... and I think, why you have to be so bad, Zangief? Why can't you be more like good guy? Then I have moment of clarity... if Zangief is good guy, who will crush man's skull like sparrow's eggs between thighs? And I say, Zangief you are bad guy, but this does not mean you are *bad* guy.
[Bad-Anon members agree]
Wreck-It Ralph: Right... I'm sorry, you lost me there.
Zombie: Zombie! Bad guy!
Wreck-It Ralph , Bad-Anon Members: Hi Zombie.
Zombie: Zangief saying labels not make you happy. Good, bad, nggghhhh... you must love you.
[Performs a Heart-rip Fatality on Zombie]
Cyborg: Inside here!
Vanellope von Schweetz: Everyone here says I'm just a mistake...
Fix-It Felix: Back when the arcade first opened, Turbo Time was by far the most popular game, and Turbo, he loved the attention. So when Road Blasters got plugged in and stole Turbo's thunder, boy was he jealous, so jealous, that he abandoned his game and tried to take over the new one. Turbo ended up putting both games and himself out of order, for good.
King Candy: Sad as it is, Vanellope can not be allowed to race.
Wreck-It Ralph: *Why* are you people so against her?
King Candy: I'm not against her! I'm trying to *protect* her! If Vanellope wins that race, she'll be added to the race roster. Then gamers can choose her as their avatar. And when they see her glitching and-and-and twitching and just being herself, they'll think our game is broken. We'll be put out of order for good.
[Sugar Rush being unplugged, characters fleeing into Game Central Station]
King Candy: All my subjects will be homeless. But there's one who can not escape, because she's a glitch.
Vanellope von Schweetz: [terrified, pounding on the barrier surrounding Sugar Rush] Help! Somebody come help!
[being sucked into a vortex]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Noooooo!
King Candy: And when the game's plug is pulled... she'll die with it.
Wreck-It Ralph: You don't know that will happen. The gamers could love her!
King Candy: And... if they don't?
[Wreck-It Ralph sits down, dejected]
Vanellope von Schweetz: You really are a bad guy.
Wreck-It Ralph: What's going on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?
Sour Bill: Nothing...
Wreck-It Ralph: Talk!
Sour Bill: No!
Wreck-It Ralph: I'll lick you.
Sour Bill: You wouldn't.
Wreck-It Ralph: Oh, yeah?
Sour Bill: Ugh! That's like sandpaper!
Wreck-It Ralph: Hmm, wonder how many licks it'll take to get to your center.
Sour Bill: I'll take it to my grave!
Wreck-It Ralph: Fair enough.
[pops Bill into his mouth]
Wreck-It Ralph: Mmm... they call you Sour Bill for a reason!
[takes him out]
Wreck-It Ralph: Had enough yet?
Sour Bill: Okay, okay, I'll talk, I'll talk!
Vanellope von Schweetz: What? Speak up, I can't hear you. Your breath is so bad it made my ears numb!
Vanellope von Schweetz: Now, rise my royal chump! I've got a date with destiny.
[Ralph doesn't move]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Ralph, come on. Move your molasses!
Wreck-It Ralph: Um, I've been thinking...
Vanellope von Schweetz: That's dangerous!
Wreck-It Ralph: Who cares about this stupid race, anyway, right?
Vanellope von Schweetz: Huh-huh. That's not very funny, Ralph.
Wreck-It Ralph: No, I'm serious. And it was really fun to build the car and everything, but maybe... maybe you shouldn't do it.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Uh, hello? Is Ralph in there? I'd like to speak to him, please.
Wreck-It Ralph: Look, what I'm saying is, you can't be a racer.
Vanellope von Schweetz: What? Why would you...
[she notices that Ralph has his Hero's Duty medal back]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Wait a minute.
[she grabs the medal]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Where did you get this?
Wreck-It Ralph: Look, I'm gonna be straight with you, kid. I've been talking to King Candy.
Vanellope von Schweetz: King Candy? You sold me out?
Wreck-It Ralph: No, I didn't... Listen, you don't understand.
Vanellope von Schweetz: No, I understand plenty. Traitor!
[she throws the medal back at him]
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm not a traitor. Listen.
Vanellope von Schweetz: You're a rat! And I don't need you. And I can win the race on my own.
Wreck-It Ralph: But I'm trying to save your skin, kid!
[He lifts her in the air]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Put me down! Let me go!
Wreck-It Ralph: No, you listen to me. You know what's gonna happen when the players see you glitching? They're gonna think the game's broken.
Vanellope von Schweetz: I don't care! You're a liar!
Wreck-It Ralph: Well, you'd better care, because if your game goes out of order, you go down with the ship, little sister!
Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm not listening to you! Get outta my way! I'm going to that race!
Wreck-It Ralph: No, you're not!
[He hangs her by the collar from a tree branch]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Take me down from here, Ralph, right now!
Wreck-It Ralph: No! I'm doing this for your own good!
[He walks up to the cart, makes fists and raises his arms]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Wait, wait, wait. No, no. No, no, no, no, no! Please, Ralph!
[He smashes the cart]
Vanellope von Schweetz: No! Ralph, stop it!
[He continues smashing]
Vanellope von Schweetz: Stop it! No!
Vanellope von Schweetz: You really are a bad guy.
Wreck-It Ralph: See ya later, President Fartfeathers.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Au revoir, Admiral Underpants.
Wreck-It Ralph: And farewell, Baroness Boogerface.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Goodbye, Major Body Odor.
Wreck-It Ralph: Hasta la vista, you...
Fix-It Felix: Ralph!
Wreck-It Ralph: All right, to be continued.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Yeah!
Wreck-It Ralph: [enters the empty penthouse] Hello? Felix? Mary? Anyone?
Gene: [pouring himself a martini at the bar] Well, you actually went and did it.
Wreck-It Ralph: Gene, where is everybody?
Gene: They're gone. After Felix went looking for you and didn't come back, everyone panicked and abandoned ship.
Wreck-It Ralph: But I'm here now!
Gene: It's too late, Ralph. Litwak's pulling our plug in the morning.
[he motions to the window; Ralph goes to the window and sees the "OUT OF ORDER" sign hung over the game console]
Gene: But, never let it be said that I'm not a man of my word. The place is yours, Ralph.
[tosses the penthouse key at Ralph]
[He heads for the door, pulling a suitcase]
Wreck-It Ralph: Gene, wait! I didn't want any of this to happen...
Gene: Well, what did you want, Ralph?
Wreck-It Ralph: I don't know! I was just sick of living alone in the garbage!
Gene: Well, now you can live alone in the penthouse.
Vanellope von Schweetz: What's the big deal over that crummy medal, anyway?
Wreck-It Ralph: The big deal? Well, this may come as a shock to you, but in my game, I'm the bad guy, and I live in the garbage.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Cool!
Wreck-It Ralph: No, not cool! Unhygienic, and lonely, and boring... and that crummy medal, was going to change all that. I bring that baby home I'll get fireworks, ice sculptures, pies! Ah, it's grown up stuff, you wouldn't understand.
Vanellope von Schweetz: No, I get it! That's exactly what racing would do for me!
Wreck-It Ralph: Well, guess what?
Vanellope von Schweetz: What?
Wreck-It Ralph: News flash: neither one of us is getting what we want!
Fix-It Felix: It's my job to fix whatever Ralph wrecks!
Vanellope von Schweetz: I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called "Hero's Doodie"!
[breaks into laughter]
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm a wrecker, not a baker.
Fix-It Felix: Oh my LAND...
[Ralph is brought to Candy's castle]
King Candy: Milk my Duds! It's Wreck-It Ralph!
Wreck-It Ralph: Yeah. Who are you, the guy that makes the donuts?
King Candy: [laughs] Oh, please. No, I'm King Candy!
Wreck-It Ralph: [looks around] I see you're a fan of pink.
King Candy: Salmon! Salmon, that's obviously salm... what are you doing here?
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm gonna wreck it!
Fix-It Felix: I can fix it!
King Candy: Have some candy!
Turbo: Welcome to the boss level!
Wreck-It Ralph: It's not my fault one of your children of the candy corn stole my medal.
Fix-It Felix: [after Ralph abandoned the game] Everyone calm down. Ralph probably fell asleep in the washroom of Tapper's again.
[a tram pulls up]
Fix-It Felix: See, here he is now.
[Q*Bert hops out]
Fix-It Felix: Why, it's Q*Bert! What brings you here, neighbor?
Gene: What's he saying, Felix?
Fix-It Felix: Stand by. My Q*Bert-ese is a little rusty.
[Felix and Q*Bert exchange rounds of Q*Bert-ese]
Fix-It Felix: Ralph's gone Turbo?
Wreck-It Ralph: [gives a cherry to the homeless Qbert and Co] Here you go, guys. It's fresh. Straight from Pac-Man.
Turbo: Because of you, Ralph, I'm now the most powerful virus in the arcade! I should thank you. But... it'd be more fun to kill you!
Fix-It Felix: Ralph abandoned his game!
Fix-It Felix: Calm down, everybody! Ralph probably fell asleep in the washing-room of Tapper's again.
King Candy: [to Wreck-It Ralph] Is that a threat I smell? Whooo... beyond the halitosis you so obviously suffer from!
Moppet Girl: [trying to play "Fix-It Felix, Jr."] Mr. Litwak!
Mr. Litwak: What's the matter, sweetheart?
Moppet Girl: The game's busted.
Mr. Litwak: [looks] Hmm, looks like the game's gone cuckoo... like my nana. Here's your quarter back, darling.
Moppet Girl: But what about the game?
Mr. Litwak: I'll have somebody come and look at it tomorrow. But if he can't fix it, then it may be time to put old Ralph and Felix out to pasture... like my nana.
Surge Protector: Yeah, he banged around in here like some kind of hot shot, then he went barreling down into that sweet little game like a crazy person.
Sergeant Calhoun: "Sugar Rush." Cy-Bugs would chew up that game faster than a chickenhawk in a coop of crippled roosters.
Fix-It Felix: What was that now?
Sergeant Calhoun: What are you, thick? There was a Cy-Bug on that shuttle!
[Felix looks at her blankly]
Sergeant Calhoun: Do you even know what a Cy-Bug is?
Fix-It Felix: I can't say that I do, ma'am.
Sergeant Calhoun: Cy-Bugs are like a virus. They don't know they're in a game. All they know is eat, kill, multiply. Without a beacon to stop them, they'll consume Sugar Rush. But do you think they'll stop there?
Fix-It Felix: Yes!
Sergeant Calhoun: Wrong! Viruses do not stop! Once those Cy-Bugs finish off Sugar Rush, they'll invade every other game until this arcade is nothing but a smoking husk of forgotten dreams. Kohut, my cruiser!
Fix-It Felix: Jeepers! Is she always this intense?
Kohut: It's not her fault. She's programmed with the most tragic backstory ever. The one day she didn't do a perimeter check, her wedding day.
Wreck-It Ralph: Everything changes, NOW!
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm not leaving you here alone!
Vanellope von Schweetz: [as Ralph pounds out a track] Hey, what are you doing? Come on! I know it's a dump, but it's all I got.
Wreck-It Ralph: If you're gonna be a racer, you're gonna have to learn how to drive. And you can't do that without a track.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Whoa!
Wreck-It Ralph: All right now, let's hustle up. We've got some driving to do.
Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna - oh wait, do you know how to drive?
Wreck-It Ralph: Yeah! I mean, I haven't done it, but - look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?
Vanellope von Schweetz: You crashed it.
Wreck-It Ralph: Just get in. How hard can it be? Okay, uh, start it up.
[She presses the starter button and the engine starts]
Wreck-It Ralph: There we go. So, there's some buttons on the floor.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Pedals.
Wreck-It Ralph: Pedals, right. Now, uh...
[He presses the gas pedal and the engine revs]
Wreck-It Ralph: That's the "go" pedal.
[He presses the brake pedal and the brakes squeak]
Wreck-It Ralph: That, I believe, is the stopper. And this...
[He presses the clutch and nothing happens]
Wreck-It Ralph: Wait, what is this? That doesn't do anything.
Vanellope von Schweetz: Ooh, what's this joystick do?
[She moves the stick shift and the cart jumps into gear and shoots forward, knocking Ralph down]
Wreck-It Ralph: Okay, good. Let's try that again.
King Candy: Stop in the name of the king!
[looking in the back room of Tapper's, Ralph pulls out red underwear]
Wreck-It Ralph: Oh, come on Zangief... Gross!
Sergeant Calhoun: Who in the holy hot cakes are YOU?
[Warning sign inside Diet Cola Mountain: Beware of Falling Mentos]
Oreo Guards: [King Candy's castle guards, singing a parody of "March of the Winkies" from The Wizard of Oz] O-re-o, oreee-o. O-re-o, oreee-o. O-re-o, oreee-o.
Moppet Girl: [unable to play "Wreck-It Ralph"] Where's the Wrecking guy?
Wreck-It Ralph: Turbo? So THAT'S REALLY YOU!
Yuni Verse: [in the Dance Dance Revolution X2 arcade game, she stops dancing when Yuni realizes Mr. Litwek has left his Family Fun Center for the night] All clear! The arcade is closed.
Ryu: [doing his power move at Ken in the Street Fighter II arcade game] Shoryuken!
Ryu: Whoo! What a day. So, you want to head to Tappers, Ken?
Ken: If you're buying, buddy.
[Ryu and Ken leaves their game behind]