Bikini Time Machine (2011 TV Movie) User Reviews (4)

TIME TRAVEL MAKES ME LOSE MY INHIBITIONS

[nogodnomasters · 5/10 · 13 April 2019]

A couple of women need financial help for their diner and in walks a man with a time machine. Time travel includes a castle bedroom, a 60's bedroom, and a sofa. Oh ya, there is a dinosaur thing for a plot spoiler. The cast includes mostly silicon porn stars and a plot that didn't have to be this bad.

5 stars for the sex and nudity.

Horny Machine

[kosmasp · 3/10 · 14 August 2020]

No one should use a time machine for personal gain ... then again, if a time machine sends you back (or forward) in time while simultanously making you horny ... it's hard to ... well it is hard, but also it is difficult to argue with the gain part - to a large extent ... innuendos aside, this is softcore and I would even go as far as to argue that those jokes I made, as silly as they are had more "quality" to them than most of the jokes you'll find in the actual movie.

But maybe you don't care about that or simple innuendos are enough for your excitement. This was part of my own experiment, watching 3 of those movies in a short period of time. That was no pun now was it? If I could use a time machine and then stay in the past, but also having seen movies ... that would be awesome. Rewind, watch, rewind, watch something else ... but I'm getting ahead of myself ... not to myself mind you! I'm not that agile ... ok sorry, there's not much to say about this other than it's softcore and it does what it say on the cover, but it was also the weakest "story" wise and even acting wise of the three I watched ... and there seem to be millions of these

Fans of big boobs, rejoice! It was great in that aspect, but don't expect much else....B+

[Smooth B · 8/10 · 29 June 2011]

I just saw this movie yesterday on Cinemax On Demand, and...wow. I was literally blown away by the chests on display in this movie. If you like big boobs or surgically-enhanced breasts, you'll be happy. If you're not a fan of porn stars in softcore films, you probably won't...because this movie was full of them.

"Bikini Time Machine" starts off with Sarah Vandella (aka Sara Sloane), wearing a princess costume, in a girl-girl scene with Kandi (Jenna Presley). Why waste time setting up a plot when we can just dive right into the sex, right? That's what I thought, too. While the audience gets an eyeful of the lesbian sex going on, the camera occasionally switches back to Kandi, who is sitting in a room with a strange contraption on her head.

The contraption sends people back in time, but it has the side effect of making them very horny. Yep, that's right. The professor who invented it just got fired because the dean thinks he's just a dirty old man; however, he gets a chance to use his invention for good.

Enter Laura (Joslyn James) a restaurant owner who's pretty down on her luck lately. Business is slow, and the income is trickling in. She's just been handed a notice saying that she needs to pay $15,000 to a greedy land developer before August 15, or she'll lose her business--the business she inherited from her grandfather. How is she going to come up with that kind of cash in such a short time?

Stop me if you've heard this one before. STSWB, folks. But wait, it gets better! Watergate, the antagonist in this flick, sends his son to get Laura's financial information, to make sure she's not going to have the cash to buy her way out of things. In the process, he gets to have sex with Laura. Benefits of the job, I'd say.

Laura has a roommate, named Sarah (Kylee Nash). She also works at the diner, and tries to help Laura come up with a solution. That solution comes in the form of a lottery ticket....a losing lottery ticket. This is where the good professor comes in. Laura and Sarah use his time traveling contraption to go back in time to the previous day so they can buy the winning lottery ticket and win the money needed to save Laura's business.

But first, a girl-girl sex scene, featuring the 4 biggest breasts in the film. We're all winners now.

There's not much to say about the actual plot of the film--only that it didn't get a chance to suck too badly because Kylee was taking out her boobs, or Joslyn was taking hers out....you get the picture. Before the scene could truly suck, boobs popped out and saved the scene.

Women: A+. This was a stacked cast in more ways than one. Joslyn James and Kylee Nash got the most screen time, but the other minor players were good as well.

Sex: B+. The sex was solid, but not the kind of stuff I usually see in MRG movies. It wasn't bad though. The g/g scene with Kylee and Joslyn was surprisingly good. Kylee Nash made her scenes better by doing the splits in them. She did the splits in every single one.

Story: C. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. It was merely a vehicle to move everything along and get us to the next sex scene, but it did have an actual resolution to it. In that sense, it did the job.

Overall: B+. "Bikini Time Machine" is a solid piece of softcore that has some laughs and some groans too, but someone will get naked before you get the chance to be groaning for too long. Kylee Nash was the comic relief in this movie, and she played her role well. Joslyn James was alright as the lead actress. I wasn't expecting her to do much here because she's not exactly known for her acting ability, if you know what I mean. I'm pretty sure she'll get better with more of these types of roles.

Check this flick out if you like boobs though, just don't expect much of anything else.

Somewhat mediocre with a few highlights

[stalking-divinity · 6/10 · 14 June 2011]

After Lady Chatterley's Daughter by Retromedia, I wasn't expecting too much out of this one. Last year their softcore releases were great, but this year they were off to a bad start. I am, however, a big fan of Kylee Nash, so I thought this one might still have potential. It turned out mostly okay but still not as good as last year's stuff like Bikini Jones and Twilight Vamps.

The first thing that bothered me is that, with the exception of Ms. Nash, every other girl in this is a hardcore girl. I always find that takes away a lot from the films, as you can just as easily see the girls doing full on hardcore penetrative sex all over the internet. Also, I was not a fan of how incredibly tattooed both Joslyn James and Jenna Presley were. I was actually really impressed at how hot Ms. Presley looked until she got naked and all the tats started showing. She still has some great cleavage, though. As for Ms. James, I vastly preferred her with her longer, brown hair and less tattoos than she has now. Sara Sloane, aka Sarah Vandella was extremely cute, though, and newcomer Tasha Reign was very attractive. Ms. Nash was super sexy as usual.

Most of the scenes didn't really stand out to me very much, honestly. I thought the worst one was Ms. Reign with TJ Cummings, but I'm not sure that was really her fault. He seriously spent more time staring at his own biceps during his scene than he did his sex partner, which was ridiculous. He didn't spend quite so much time admiring himself during his scene with Ms. James, but still didn't seem to have very much chemistry, either. Mr. Cummings is actually quite a good actor, but I feel like his sex scenes are always terrible from what I've seen so far.

Normally I think all of Ms. Nash's scenes are awesome, but here I thought her scene with Tony Marino was a little bit boring. Her other scene with him in the Tanya X web series was a lot better. On the other hand, her scene with Nick Manning as the hippie was great. I thought it was the hottest in the movie and one of the best scenes I've seen her do so far.

The storyline was more like the fun, sci-fi campy stuff from Retromedia, which was really nice to see after the boring Lady Chatterley's Daughter. I thought that overall it was still not nearly as good as last year's offerings, but good enough that I'm not counting them out yet. If it wasn't for Kylee Nash's scene with Nick Manning I'd have been pretty disappointed, but I think that one saved the movie.