A few of the reviews I read before going to see this fifth (and supposedly final) Pirates movie basically boiled down to "well, at least it's better than the last one". I don't know, am I the only one who liked "On Stranger Tides" because it at least tried to do something different with the franchise? This new entry just tosses the soundtrack and best bits of the first three films in a blender, adds a new zombie bad guy and a couple youthful new romantic leads and hits the puree button. They even re-use the "bad guys can walk through the bars of a prison cell" effect from one of the earlier movies.
Yeah, some of the special effects are spectacular, there are battles at sea, lots of stuff blows up, the villains are creepy and some of the comic relief is funny (and some is painfully unfunny), but watching this movie it was hard to shake the feeling that I'd seen it all before. It's pretty much paint-by-numbers, even down to Javier Bardem's bad guy reciting the film's title line just before it appears on screen. Even Depp's Captain Jack seemed largely uninspired.
On the positive side, many of the characters you've come to know from the first four films return for this one. Orlando Bloom's Will Turner shows up to help set up and resolve the plot, and even Keira Knightley makes a very brief appearance. At over two hours long I was afraid the film would drag in spots, but it moved along so quickly that I was actually a little surprised when they reached the big finale.
The plot, without getting into spoilers, revolves around Will's son Henry who is determined to break the curse on his father and rescue him from the Flying Dutchman. In order to do so, he has to retrieve a powerful, magical item that is also being sought by a brilliant young woman with a mysterious map that her unknown father left to her. It soon turns out that they need Jack Sparrow's help, and of course that drags Captain Barbossa into the fray. Opposing them all is the undead Captain Salazar, who bears a grudge against Sparrow and will not rest until he's dead.
There's a very short and unnecessary cameo by Paul McCartney as Jack's uncle Jack. He tells a lame joke, there's a single off-screen laugh as if even the filmmakers realized how pointless the scene was, and then the plot moves on.
One bit where the film really went off the rails was a flashback scene in which we learn why Salazar hates Sparrow so intensely. Instead of hiring a younger actor to play Jack, they digitally de-aged Depp and raised his voice about an octave. The result is just...creepy. And entirely unconvincing.
I don't know if it was just the theater where I saw the movie, but the picture was really dark for a lot of the film and the sound mix was terrible. The explosions and music were super-loud and often drowned out the dialog. I'm glad I didn't see the 3D version because I've heard that's even murkier-looking. At the rate movies are going, in a couple decades the theater experience will be staring at a black screen for two hours while being deafened by a continuous roar.
At any rate, if you loved the earlier films in the Pirates franchise and want another dose, or if you're just looking for a big, mindless spectacle with some bits of humor, this movie fits the bill. I can't say I really disliked it, but it also didn't make me sad that it's supposed to be the last one. Or is it? Stick around for a final scene after the credits that hints at an unlikely sequel. Or maybe it's just meant as some weird sort of joke. I heard people discussing it in the lobby and no one quite knew what to make of it.
