Aubrey: What's your name?

Fat Amy: Fat Amy.

Aubrey: You call yourself Fat Amy?

Fat Amy: Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.

Lilly: I set fires to feel joy.

Donald: That's adorable.

Fat Amy: You guys are gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your man boobs are gonna concave.

Cynthia Rose: I have a confession to make.

Fat Amy: We all know where this is going. Lesbi-honest.

Cynthia Rose: This is hard for me to admit to you guys, but for the past two years, I have had a serious gambling problem.

Fat Amy: What?

Beca: What?

Cynthia Rose: It all started when I broke up with my girlfriend.

Fat Amy: Whomp, there it is!

Aubrey: The Trebles don't respect us, and if we let them penetrate us, we are giving them our power.

Fat Amy: Not a good enough reason to use the word 'penetrate.'

Aubrey: What are you doing?

Fat Amy: Horizontal running.

Fat Amy: Even though some of you are pretty thin, you all have fat hearts, and that's what matters.

Bumper: I have a feeling we should kiss. Is that a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?

Fat Amy: Well... sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm... better not.

Fat Amy: [out of breath from learning choreography] I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.

Aubrey: How much have you done?

Fat Amy: You just saw it.

Jesse: You're one of the a cappella girls. I'm one of those a cappella boys, and we're gonna have aca-children. It's inevitable.

Beca: You're really drunk right now. I don't think you're gonna remember any of this.

Jesse: No, I'm not drunk at all. You're just blurry.

[about Chloe's vocal cord nodes]

Beca: Isn't that painful? Why would you keep performing?

Chloe: Because I love to sing.

Stacie: Yeah, it's like when my lady doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway.

Benji: Look, just so you know, I'm not a total nerd. I also happen to be super-into close-up magic.

[He produces a hamster]

Jesse: Dude, that's awesome! How long was that little guy in there?

Benji: Several days.

Jesse: Hey Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.

Beca: Hey, you could just say 'Hey Million Dollar Baby" you don't have to reference the specific actress.

Jesse: Damn. Prison changed you.

Fat Amy: Well, at least it's not herpes. Or do you have that as well?

Lilly: [Speaking louder than she normally does] I think I have something that could help us.

Fat Amy: Excuse me bitch, you don't need to shout.

Chloe: Because I have Nodes...

Fat Amy: Chloe, don't worry, it's just God punishing you 'cause you're a ginger.

Fat Amy: I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake!

Gail: Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy.

Sigma Beta Frat Guys: [Chanting] Taking names, taking numbers, join our righteous frat! If you ain't pledging Sigma Beta, you ain't worth no crap!

Benji: That's a double negative!

Jesse: That's a lot of negatives.

Aubrey: Hands in, a-ca-bitches!

Fat Amy: Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!

[Their bus starts to sputter and slow]

Aubrey: What the hell?

Fat Amy: It's pretty cool, actually... I think we're just running out of gas.

Aubrey: No, that can't be! You just filled the tank!

Fat Amy: Yeah, I did! And yet, maybe I didn't, because I got hit by flying Mexican food.

[the bus sputters to a stop]

Fat Amy: And we're out.

Aubrey: A-ca-scuse me?

Fat Amy: A-ca-believe it!

Aubrey: We will practice, and I trust you will add your own cardio.

Beca: Why cardio?

Fat Amy: Yeah, no don't put me down for cardio

Beca: You must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet.

Jesse: Oh, I don't have a girlfriend.

Beca: What? You have juice pouches and Rocky.

[Part of the Bella oath]

Aubrey: And I solemnly promise to never have sexual relations with a Treblemaker, or may my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves.

Tommy: For the audition, you will sing 16 bars of Kelly Clarkson's 'Since You've Been Gone'. If a group likes you, they will contact you directly. My tone-deaf sidekick, Justin here, will be collecting your information.

Justin: [Walking behind Tommy] If I could sing a lick, I would. But I can't. And I hate myself everyday because of it.

Tommy: [Looks over at Justin] I know.

[Looks back at audience]

Tommy: But if you think this is just some high school club where you can sing and dance your way through any social issue... Or confuse sexuality, you have come to the wrong place. There is none of that here. That's high school. This shit is real life. NOW. don't just bring it, sing it, and let's do this.

Bumper: You girls are awesome... ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!

Donald: Whenever you're ready, dude.

Cynthia Rose: [Scoffs and takes off her hat, revealing her pink hair] Yeah, hi. My name is Cynthia Rose.

Donald: Huh. Not a dude. It's not a dude.

Aubrey: As you can see, Kori is not here. Last night, she was Treble-boned. She has been disinvited from the Bellas.

Beca: That oath was serious?

Aubrey: Dixie Chicks serious!

Beca: Hey. You must be Kimmy Jin. I'm Beca.

Kimmy Jin: [Silence]

Beca: No English?

Kimmy Jin: [Silence]

Beca: Yes English?

Kimmy Jin: [Silence]

Beca: Just tell me where you're at with English...

[Chloe has burst, stark naked, into Beca's stall while she's showering]

Chloe: You have to audition for the Bellas!

Beca: I can't concentrate on anything you're saying until you cover your junk.

Chloe: Just consider it! One time, we sang back-up for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.

Chloe: Hi! Any interest in joining our a cappella group?

Beca: Oh, right, this is like, a thing now.

Chloe: Oh, totes! We sing covers of songs, but we do it without any instruments. It's all from our mouths!

Beca: Yikes.

Gail: Whoo, that little peanut can sing!

John: He really can. It sounds to me, though, Gail, like his boys haven't dropped yet, if you know what I mean.

Gail: If you mean his testicles, then I do, John. I do. I really do.

Gail: The Barden Bellas went deep into the archive for that song, John. I remember singing it with my own a cappella group.

John: And what group was that, Gail?

Gail: The Minstrel Cycles, John.

John: Well, that's an unfortunate name.

Gail: I think we have just seen some a cappella history being made, John.

John: And from an all-female group, Gail. I could never have called this one.

Gail: Never. Well, you are a misogynist at heart, so there's no way you would have bet on these girls to win.

John: Absolutely.

Beca: You have a little something behind your ear.

Fat Amy: Leave it. It fuels my hate fire.

Jesse: So, what's your deal? Are you one of those girls who's all dark and mysterious, then she takes off her glasses and that amazingly scary ear spike and you realize that, you know, she was beautiful the whole time?

Beca: I don't wear glasses.

Jesse: Then you're halfway there.

Aubrey: Chloe, could you please get your head out of your ass? It's not a hat!

Fat Amy: A-ca-awkward...

Lilly: I ate my twin in the womb.

John: The bad boys of a cappella have just gotten badder!

Gail: Whoo! That's right, John, I'm gonna have to excuse myself to freshen up the downtown.

John: Can I help?

Lilly: Hello, my name is Lily Onakurarama, I was born with gills like a fish!

Aubrey: I can see your toner through those jeans!

Beca: That's my dick!

Fat Amy: I can sing, but I'm also good at modern dance, olden dance, and mermaid dancing which is a little different. You usually start on the ground.

Aubrey: Ooh.

Fat Amy: It's a lot of floor work.

Aubrey: I see that.

Fat Amy: The kraken has been unleashed! Feel the fat power!

Fat Amy: [cough] Slut.

Bumper: Well, well, well, look who's in Treble!

Donald: Ah, classic pun.

Bumper: I know.

Fat Amy: That's actually a good idea. I have Bumper's number.

Aubrey: Why do you have Bumper's number?

Fat Amy: Ummmm... uhhhhhh... ummmmmm...

Bumper: [to Amy] You are probably the grossest human being I have ever met.

Fat Amy: You're no panty dropper yourself.

Jesse: So what do you want to watch first?

Beca: Wanna do something else? We could re-live my parents' divorce. Or visit a gynecologist.

[Beca returns to her room after being released from jail]

Fat Amy: What up, Shawshank?

Cynthia Rose: Did you get yourself a bitch?

Fat Amy: Did they spray you with a hose?

Lilly: [quietly] I did a turn at County.

Benji: The Treblemakers. The rock stars of a cappella, the messiahs of Barden. Well, you know, not including athletes, frat guys, or actual cool people.

Jesse: Organized nerd singing? This is great!

Jewish Student: Shalom.

Fat Amy: That's not a real word but keep trying. You. Will. Get. There.

Lilly: Do you want to see a dead body?

Fat Amy: I've wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously.

Aubrey: This time I'm not gonna choke it down!

Stacie: Been there before...

Fat Amy: Crushed it.

Chloe: So, are you interested?

Beca: Sorry, it's just... it's pretty lame.

Aubrey: A-ca-scuse me? Synchronized lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart-topper is not lame!

Chloe: We sing all over the world, and we compete in national championships!

Beca: On purpose?

Aubrey: We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, you bitch!

Chloe: This ginger needs her jiggle juice!

Aubrey: We shall begin by drinking the blood of the sisters that came before you.

Beca: Dude, no.

Chloe: Don't worry, it's Boone's Farm.

Luke: Can you get me lunch?

[tosses Jesse his wallet]

Jesse: Not another burger... You know, you are not going to be 22 forever.

Luke: [Luke raises his shirt, shows six pack] I think I'm good.

Beca: [Stares at Luke's abs] He's good

Bumper: Your weirdness is actually affecting my vocal cords, so I'm gonna need you to scoot! Skedaddle!

Tommy: Listen up, A-ca-ballers. I have been rejected by the Army, shoved into a Dora The Explorer backpack, and pushed into the girls' locker room wearing nothing but suspenders. But no matter. I am in the world that I love. And with the assistance of my boy Justin...

Justin: My liege.

Tommy: ...I launch this year's audition.


Tommy: Belly roll.

[while Justin is drumming on his stomach]

Tommy: The most recent ICCA national champion winners get to pick the audition song.

[Justin mimics cymbal crashing]

Beca: [whispering with other Bellas, excluding Aubrey and Chloe] All right nerds! Let's go with...

Fat Amy: A cappella with sock puppets? Genius!

Aubrey: I know you have a toner for Jesse.

Beca: A what?

Aubrey: A toner. A musical boner. I saw it on Hood Night. It's distracting.

Beca: Yeah, that's not a thing, and you're not the boss of me. So...

Stacie: I have a confession. I have a lot of sex.

Fat Amy: Yeah. we know.

Stacie: Only because I just told you.

Jesse: Told you. Endings are the best part.

Beca: You're such a weirdo.

[Grabs and kisses him]

Gail: Is it me, or did we just take a left turn into snooze-ville?

John: Yeah, and we parked in a lot where they do not validate.

Bumper: Oh yeah, ladies. Gather around. Ready for a show.

Donald: Come on, baby bubble, wait in line.

Bumper: Yeah.

Donald: Yep.

Bumper: You want some of this.

Donald: I know you do.

Bumper: Nice!

Donald: Bumper and Donald.

Bumper: Mmm-hmm.

Donald: Gettin' it... gettin' it.

Barden Greeter: Here's your campus map, and your official BU rape whistle! Don't blow it unless it's actually happening!

Bumper: I'm willing to sign breasts!

Beca: The audience loves the Trebles. They tolerate us. We could change the face of a cappella if we... oh my God, that sounded so queerballs. What's happening to me?

[while watching The Breakfast Club]

Beca: Tell me, what does Judd Nelson eat for breakfast?

Jesse: Oh, well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy.

Beca: Sure.

Jesse: And black coffee, to help with his morning dumps.

Aubrey: Fat Amy?

Fat Amy: Yes, sir.

Kimmy Jin: The white girl is back.

Donald: Who do you think would be easier to sleep with, Captain America or a great white shark?

Bumper: A great white shark.

Aubrey: I won't disappoint you. My dad always says, if you're not here to win, get the hell out of Kuwait!

John: This does not look like the fresh-faced nubile Bellas that we have come to know. Is it me, or are those skirts just not working anymore?

Gail: You're walking the line, John. It's a nice surprise to see the Bellas mixing it up. It's refreshing, yet displeasing to the eye.

Gail: John, a change of pace could not come soon enough here for the Barden Bellas. This is not a great way to start their season.

John: Yeah, this number is like an elephant dart to the public's face.

Fat Amy: I'm just gonna pump and dump.

Aubrey: I'm sorry, but I am my father's daughter, and he always says 'if at first you don't succeed'...

[tears up]

Aubrey: 'pack your bags'.

Aubrey: Chloe, your voice didn't sound Aguilerian at all!

Fat Amy: I'm vertical running!

Fat Amy: Fine. I'll give you both my number.

Aubrey: A-ca-huddle, now!

John: Women are about as good at a cappella as they are at being doctors.

Justin: The side effects of medical marijuana, ladies and gentlemen.

Fat Amy: What are you turd burgers talking about? Dressing for comfort?

Beca: Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don't take it personally. It's just easier.

Tommy: Listen up, a-ca-ballers.

Chloe: Alright, I'm going to get a drink - this ginger needs her jiggle juice! See you later!

Beca: Make good choices.

John: Oh my goodness gracious, would you look at this - gone are those Bella uniforms, and this is a whole new look for them, and it's hot, hot, hot!

Gail: John, these girls could turn me!

Beca: No, Dad, I Don't Actually Care. I Just Wanted To Say "Stepmonster".

Kolio: Yo, Bump - is that Fat Amy?

Jewish Student: Shalom!

Fat Amy: That's not a real word, but keep trying. You will get there.

Beca: Not a lot of Jewish people where you're from?

Fat Amy: Aaah, no - I did do Fiddler on the Roof though, in high school, it was like me and some Aboriginals, it was really Jewish... it was full on Jew. Hey guys, alright, I'll give you my number.

John: Now this is exactly the type of performance you would expect to see at the international championship of collegiate a capella, am I right, Gail?

Gail: Oh John, you're so right, everything else seems wrong.