Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody

[first lines]

J.J. Jameson: Guess the hero doesn't always win.

Peter Parker: What's that, Mr. Jameson?

J.J. Jameson: Kraven the Hunter, framed for murder by that wall-crawling menace.

Robbie Robertson: We don't know that, Jonah. Captain Stacy told me there's plenty of evidence.

J.J. Jameson: Aww bullshit, Robbie, Kraven tried to rid this city of a pest and Spider-Man set him up. That man's a hero.

Peter Parker: Look, you also say that *Nixon* was misunderstood.

J.J. Jameson: Who asked you anyway, Parker? What good are you? This morning, Spider-Man and that Juggernaut knocked down a building. Where were you? Where are my pictures?

Peter Parker: Well, I guess I can't be everywhere at once.

Robbie Robertson: Jonah, we're not going to run that story. According to the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man tried to stop Juggernaut.

J.J. Jameson: That's right. Tried and failed. Just like *this* little prick.

[gestures at Parker]

J.J. Jameson: I pay you to be everywhere. You know what, Parker? You're fired. Fired. F-I-R-E-D, fired. Get outta here. Out. Out. Get out.