Lois Lane: Clark! Superman, everybody his name is Superman, not Clark. I love you!

Superman: How hard did I punch him? Did I punch him pretty hard?

Lois Lane: Yeah, you punched him like so hard.

Superman: Uhg.


Lois Lane: Noooooo!

Max Landis: So now, we're on to the fourth Superman. This guy looks almost just like Superman. He has like, a little bit of Terminator face on the left side. He's sort of all robotic. But he looks just like Superman and he claims to have amnesia, and he's like...

Cyborg Superman: Oh, dude. Lois Lane, I do know you. And I remember something about like... Kent farm. What's that?

Max Landis: She's like...

Lois Lane: Oh my God! Clark, you're back! You're a... robot, but you're back!

Cyborg Superman: Superman is back! It's great!

[Cyborg Superman gives a thumbs up]

Max Landis: Meanwhile, back on Earth, Superboy tries to fight Cyborg Superman. But Cyborg Superman is an adult version of Superboy. So it's like...

[Cyborg Superman knocks out Superboy]

Max Landis: Hah! You're done.

[Steel appears to challenge Cyborg Superman]

Max Landis: Steel tries to fight Cyborg Superman.

[Cyborg Superman grabs Steel's hammer and knocks him out with it]

Max Landis: Cyborg Superman, Hank Henshaw is like... Fuck you, dude!

[Cyborg Superman piles up Superboy, Steel, and the Eradicator]

Max Landis: He kicks Superboy's ass and Steel's ass. He fucked up the Eradicator. There's only one Superman left, man. And... and Lois Lane is like...

Lois Lane: Are you sure... you're not Clark Kent?

[Chris Hardwick does a facepalm]

Cyborg Superman: I just killed 30,000 people!

Lois Lane: Ah, yeah.

Max Landis: Suddenly... BOOM! Someone fucking hit Cyborg Superman in the face. It's Superman.

[Chris Hardwick does two facepalms, followed by other film extras. Landis pours himself another Scotch and water]

Max Landis: Superman's not dead?

Max Landis: It turns out that when Kryptonians get the living fuck punched out of them, they go into something called a 'healing coma', which is identical in all terms and purposes to human death. So, the 'sleep' and return of Superman is not as compelling of a title, but that's what happened.


Max Landis: He came out with like, long hair and like, you see he was like Super '90s, and he's like...

Superman: Cyborg Superman!

Cyborg Superman: What the fuck are you doing here?

Max Landis: And... he just beats the shit out of him. He tears his head off. And then just... he's back. Then he went to Lois Lane, who's like...

Lois Lane: Why didn't you tell me that, like, if you got beat up, you go into a healing coma?

Max Landis: Superman's like...

Superman: I didn't know. So, Lois, I'm really sorry. I hope you didn't fuck anyone. Because if you fucked anyone while I was dead, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Max Landis: Lois was like...

Lois Lane: Well, there were four guys pretending to be you. And there was really only one way to know.

Max Landis: Superman was like...

Superman: Damn, man.

Max Landis: So... uh, it sort of ended just on, on a real whimper of just Superman is back. He has long hair now. But what matters here, and really, the thing you should take away from all this, is that the death and return of Superman forever broke death in comics. There's something my dad made up, which is he told me when I was little and I was frustrated about rules, uh, in movies. He said, uh...

John Landis: How do you kill a vampire?

Max Landis: And I was like...

Young Max Landis: Stake through the heart, or like... you know... something like...

Max Landis: And my dad was like...

John Landis: No. You can kill a vampire however the fuck you want, because vampires don't fucking exist! You can make up rules for any kind of thing you want.

Max Landis: The sacred suspension of disbelief, as far as death, had ended. The Death of Superman didn't kill Superman. It killed death.

[drinks his Scotch]

Max Landis: That's the Death and Return of Superman.

[drinks some water, then turns around]

Max Landis: You got all that, son?

Max's Son: Thanks, dad. I understand it much better now.

[they give each other a thumbs-up before Max scares off his son]