Narrator: I'm gonna tell you this one from my point of view so you can put yourself in there.

Narrator: So the story goes:The guy falls in love with a girl the second he meets her, but it takes them a lifetime to get it together.

Narrator: When they do they end up on a boat, and they realise the only way they can stay together is to never go ashore.

Narrator: So they raise the yellow colour flag so no port would take them and they drift out to sea 'til the end.

Narrator: And it makes you realize there are people in your life so important that they dwarf everything else.

Narrator: It's up to you to figure out who they are.If you have to give up everything else and spend the rest of your days on a boat, who are the must haves, the ones you can't live without?

Narrator: Figure out your own list and then do everything you can to let them know how much they mean to you.

Narrator: Love is fucked up. It is confusing and it's terrifying and it's painful. It sucks. But I'm looking at you right now and I wanna risk it. I know it could be a mistake, I know we can make each other miserable but even if we had the slightest chance of being that one time, I'm willing to regret you for the rest of my life.

Granddad: love is like your 401k, it matches your investment, you love a little, you're loved a litte

Narrator: I'm willing to regret you for the rest of my life.

Samson: There's a reason Romeo killed himself, okay? Suicide was the best option for this guy.

Mallory: Why?

Scott: What?

Lyle: No, no. Romeo set the standard for love.

Samson: No, Shakespeare didn't know anything about love. The guy was a sexual deviant, okay? He couldn't keep his hands off himself. That's why his name was Shakespeare

Narrator: It's true. Hardy, Dickens, Longfellow, all sex starved pen names.

Samson: E. Cummings

Scott: Updike

Mallory: Margaret *Atewood*

Samson: Dean *Cunts*

Lyle: [Correcting their pronunciation] Atwood and Koontz.

Scott: Balzac.

[first lines]

Narrator: [narrating] Did you know that when someone attractive enters your sight-line your pupils dilate 20 percent? Or when someone falls in love, their brain floods with dopamine? You know what else causes that chemical reaction? Narcotics. And it's crazy, right? But that's the fun shit I'm learning right now. See, I've been hired to write this romantic comedy screenplay. And the problem is I've never actually, ya know, been in love, so... it's slow-going.

Me: [after bombing at the microphone] I nailed it, right?

Her: Like a coffin.