Superman: What are you doing? Do you want me to kill you?

Batman: Oh, you're not going to kill me. Now.

[Oliver Queen fires a kryptonite arrow at Superman, he grabs it as it explodes in his face]

Batman: It wasn't easy to make, Clark. It took years and cost a fortune. Luckily, I had both.

Batman: I didn't have to go easy on you. A different binding agent, a stronger mix... I want you to remember that. I wanted to remind you to stay out of my way. In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember the one man who beat you!

Batman: No more! All the people I've murdered...

[uppercuts Joker]

Batman: ... by letting you live.

Joker: [Spits blood] I never kept count.

Batman: I did!

Joker: I know. And I love you for it.

[Slashes Batman's chest]

Joker: It's finally here, isn't it? The moment we've both dreamed about!

[as Joker's about to stab Batman through the eye, his vision blurs]

Joker: Oh, don't tell me you're gonna fall asleep before we finish? You have gotten old, haven't you?

[Batman punches Joker off him and throws him against a wall, choking him]

Joker: Not quite how I imagined it, but we can still end on a high note!

[Joker stabs Batman in the torso three times while laughing maniacally. Batman twists his neck enough to paralize him but not kill as two witnesses run away]

Joker: You're in trouble now... Go ahead. Say this has never happened to you before.

Batman: Shut up...

Joker: Make me! Come on! Finish me!... Ah, doesn't matter. I win. I made you lose control. Heh-heh-ha, and they'll kill you for it. Eh-heh-heh! See you... in hell! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

[Joker twists his own neck to kill himself]

Batman: Tonight I am going to maintain order in Gotham City. You are going to help me. But not with these. These are loud and clumsy. These are the weapons of cowards.

[snaps rifle in half]

Batman: Our weapons are precise and quiet. In time I will teach them to you. But for tonight, you will rely on your brains and your fists. Tonight, we are the law. Tonight, I am the law.

Batman: You say you answer to some sort of authority. They only want me dead because I'm an embarrassment. Because I do what they can't. What kind of authority is that?

Superman: It doesn't matter. It's their world, and they won't stand for you anymore. If it isn't me, it'll just be someone else.

Batman: Really? Who do they send after you?

Joker: That's why I'm gonna kill everyone in this room.

David Endocrine: Okay. I think that's a little more insight than we had in mind.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper: It's okay, he doesn't really mean that. He's just trying to ease the tension.

David Endocrine: Funny way to go about it.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper: You have to remember, this man isn't responsible for those killings. He's merely a victim of the Batman's psychotic obsession.

Joker: I thought I was Batman's psychotic obsession.

David Endocrine: So you think the Batman's the real sicko here.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper: Without a doubt. He's an obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic hero-complexed sociopath. I would love a shot at him as a patient.

Joker: [holds up coffee mug] Do guests get to keep these?

David Endocrine: Heh. Sure, you do whatever you want with it. We got a closet full of them.

[Joke smashes the coffee mug and slits Dr. Wolper's throat]

Joker: So long as you won't miss it.

Batman: He'll still be weak, between the nuke and so little sunlight. Just how weak we'll see when he finds my first surprise.

Robin: Yeah, but how long you expect to last against him?

Batman: Long enough.

Robin: Boss. I'm trying to get the plan here. I mean, you gonna die tonight or what?

Batman: Figure I will.

Bruce Wayne: What is it you want, Oliver?

Oliver Queen: A piece of him. The schoolboy. I always knew it would come down to the two of you someday. The world's not big enough for the both of you. Doesn't have to be a big piece. Just count me in, for old times' sake.

Joker: [after Batman throws a Batarang in the Joker's eye, partially blinding him] Are you out of your mind?

Batman: I'm through playing, Joker!

Joker: Be still, my heart.

Alfred Pennyworth: You're not even close to fully recovered.

Bruce Wayne: Neither is he.

Alfred Pennyworth: He doesn't need a walking hospital bed to keep his insides together.

Bruce Wayne: I know you're not looking forward to your part in this.

Alfred Pennyworth: I can't say it will be pleasant. But it does fall within my duties.

Superman: [to Robin] Isn't this a school night, young lady?

Carrie Kelley: How do you fight someone like that?

Bruce Wayne: Simpler than I've made it. There's nothing wrong with Joker that I can't fix. With my hands.

Robin: Eyes downside, spud.

Oliver Queen: Hi-ho freaking silver.

Commissioner Gordon: The groceries? Now?

Sarah Essen Gordon: Wanna eat tonight?

Commissioner Gordon: I'm going.

Sarah Essen Gordon: Be careful. And no cigars.

Batman: Ever ride a horse before?

Robin: Don't think I've ever seen a horse before.

Batman: You're about to learn fast.

[the White House, Washington, D.C. - the President of the United States meets with somebody who can handle Batman... ]

President: Son, you know I like to keep you out of domestic affairs, what with all the ruckus you stir up.

Superman: Yes, sir.

President: But, well... it's a ruckus I'd like you to straighten out, involving a friend of yours in Gotham City. It's all well and good to have a wild bronco on the ranch now and then. Does the hands good to break him in. But if the bronco up and kicks over the fence, and gets all the other horses crazy, well, that's bad for business.

Superman: I understand, sir.

President: Now, I'm not asking you to put him down... not yet, anyway. But settle him. Ride him around the yard a few times, if you have to. You know what I'm asking.

Superman: Sir, I can talk to him, but...

President: I'd just hate for things to get out of hand. You know how to get in touch with him, don't you, son?

Superman: He's not hard to find, sir.

President: Good boy.