Joe: Vicki's making eyes at you man. Go talk to her. She's so into it.

Biaggio: There's no point in me talking to her anyways.

Joe: Why not?

Biaggio: Joe, I'm gay.

Joe: Are you sure?

Biaggio: Yes, my lungs fill up every time the seasons change.

Joe: That's not being gay, Biaggio.

Biaggio: What?

Joe: Pretty sure that's Cystic Fibrosis.

Biaggio: Oh.

Biaggio: In Italian, the word for snake means 'the demon's cock'.

Patrick: No it doesn't.

Biaggio: There's a chance that it doesn't.

Frank: You're right, it's a classic kidnapping. They took our children and the canned goods and pasta.

Patrick: I can deal with the fact that the chickens are store bought. Okay? I can! But it really bothers me that the loaded potato isn't Biagio's recipe...

Joe: No! No no, that actually really is. I- I honestly have no idea where he's getting chives.

Joe: I don't trust that old guy.

Biaggio: He has a shadow behind his eyes.

Vicki: How long have you been standing there?

Biaggio: Hello

Joe: That's not an answer.

Biaggio: Do you know we've been walking for half a mile? I can tell by how much we've bonded.

Joe: You haven't said a word the whole time.

Frank: My question for you, Gary, is: How do you want me to eat these with my normal human mouth? Do you want me to unhinge my jaw like an anaconda? Should I put this in my belly and lay out in the sun for two months, digesting it?

Vicki: So Biaggio, what do you do?

Biaggio: I met a dog the other day, it taught me how to die.

Frank: Yes, I experienced a childhood on the planet Earth. I've heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.

Joe: Ah... Is anything better than a good stogie, Biaggio?

Biaggio: Being in a situation where it's easier to lie but you choose to tell the truth.

Joe: Hmm. Guess that's better.

Joe: You made these?

Biaggio: I did. It took very little time. Very few days.

Rookie Cop: Ah, sarcasm. The poor man's wit.

Biaggio: I don't really see myself as having a gender.

Rookie Cop: Mr. Toy, are you familiar with the boy who cried wolf?

Frank: Yes I have experienced a childhood on the planet earth, so... yes I've heard of that one.

Frank: Do you think you can apply it to my situation in an allegorical fashion?

Frank: Silence, land trunt.