36 Saints (2013) User Reviews (6)

36 Saints and 120 Minutes Lost

[cla_u_diu · 2/10 · 21 October 2014]

Man, is this a bad movie... First off let me start by saying that I'm a huge horror fan, I've seen most horror movies (even really bad and off the radar flicks, just because I don't want to miss out on anything).

Well, let me tell you, this is easily among the Top 5 worst movies I've ever seen. And I don't just mean bad in a good way (you know, like some B-category cult-movie), I mean plain awful.

Let's start with the good stuff and get it out of the way: the good parts. Image is pretty damn good, lighting really sets a good atmosphere and some performances are not at all bad (Britne Oldford is really good). That's it. Everything else is horrific.

The plot is sub-par, it is just some religious mumbo-jumbo with no logic whatsoever. You get the story behind the movie's title right off the bat but nothing in it makes sense. And it doesn't get any better as the movie moves forward. You spend most of the watching time between 2 states of mind: being bored out of your mind and wondering what the heck is going on in this movie.

The two actors playing the detectives are as expressive as a plank and to top it all they mumble words so badly that you have to turn the volume of your speakers way up just to understand what they're saying. I didn't think they were actors at all, I just assumed by their looks that they were ex-MMA fighters (you know the type, tough-looking, no talent, not on the bright side of things either). Then I researched a little and turns out that they are. Man, oh man, the horror... Their acting is something you find in porn movies: they try to convey emotions by overacting and moving their eyebrows is somewhat peculiar ways but they fall short of anything but annoying.

But it really is the bad script that really runs this movie into the ground. I mean, some of the lines in this movie should be given to scriptwriters as examples of what not to make their characters say, under severe penalty upon breaking this rule. Like being dropped down in the middle of the Mojave Desert with nothing but their script to keep them company. I literally cringed upon hearing some of them. One example: "How you holding up old man?" Reply (bluntly): "Not bad for an old fool". I mean, c'mon what is this, did I fall asleep again in my hut tub time machine and got transported to the 70's? Get some new material, will you?

To conclude, if you're anything like me and you watch movies to escape boredom, this is not the movie to go to. It will just exacerbate the symptom and possibly make you want to hurt yourself.

Well... That was... A thing that exists.

[anissa-taylor · 2/10 · 26 December 2014]

It should say a lot about this film that I fell asleep watching it and had to find my place when I woke up to finish it. It's really very, very dull.

There are a lot of things about this film that bother me, and I shall list them here:

There are in the entire world 36 saints to save and protect humanity... And all of them either go to The Academy of the Royals or live in the neighbourhood. Seriously. Of the 36 Saints 27 of them die in a plane crash before the film even starts. Leaving nine. And they're friends mainly and in the same club, bar the cop. The cop is also a Saint. Because of course.

The religious aspect and how Saintly these kids (adults? IDK they're at school but also out drinking at a club so...) are is treated ham fistedly. They forget you have to show, not tell, so they just keep telling you how magnificently good these people are. It's also full of things like "Club Deity" as another ham fisted attempt to remind you that THIS FILM IS ABOUT RELIGION in case you forgot at any point. Also humanitarianism.

How old are these kids? Seriously. They're wearing uniforms and going to what looks like a religious school, but they're going to nightclubs and drinking? And they don't LOOK eighteen.

The acting is terrible, either over or under acted to the point that it's unbearable. The script is abhorrent. The effects are so-so. The costumes are either fine or something out of a music video for a poor goth band. There isn't much redeeming in this at all. Oh, and if you're shocked by the "twist" then you need some help, that was obvious a mile off.

Pass it, just seriously, pass it by.

Didn't anyone make this see how bad this is while they're doing it?

[eminkl · 2/10 · 19 October 2019]

Every now and then comes a film that starts so poorly (and badly all over the place: bad writing, bad acting, bad directing, etc., etc., etc.) that you're given to wonder: "didn't anyone make this see how bad this is while they're doing it? Why didn't they stop it? Well, maybe they're going to pull the thing out of the fire...?" That's the movie for this season, and no, they're not pulling it out of the fir. Smell, smell, stink and smoke. Sorry for yourself? Perhaps considering suicide? Here's your life preserver, bunkie, because anything it's can't be as bad as this vomit in the aisle of a grocery store.

Just plain awful

[jaxbubba · 1/10 · 25 October 2014]

A pretty ridiculous film in which the faith of the world resides in the hands of thirty-six (36) unsuspecting / unknowing souls.

A gravely serious introductory voice-over lays out the convoluted plot: Every generation is protected from evil by 36 individuals who "carry the suffering of the world." If they're wiped out, it's apocalypse now.

As the film begins, an unfortunate plane crash (the year prior) has whittled the current number from thirty-six to nine, and they inexplicably all reside in Washington Heights. Yes, you heard right, six billion people in the world and the nine (9) remaining people who control the faith of the world over evil... and not only do they reside in the same place, but attend the same prep school and all hang-out with one another. Let's just say that "Lilith" and her hoards of the unholy, have no problems systematically wiping out our totally clueless teenage saviors.

Two New York City cops (Franky G, Jeffrey De Serrano) are warned that an age-old demon is on a killing spree, but their lackluster detective work does little to stem director Eddy Duran's slapdash pileup of strangely coy kill scenes (each mimicking the demise of the victim's namesake saint). The audience knows the culprit (though not her appearance): introductory narration informs us that Lilith, Eve's outcast predecessor in the Garden of Eden, is after God's "36" chosen. But before the police can determine her agenda, people must die by hanging, stabbing, shooting, bludgeoning and crucifixion. And we must witness a succession of scenes trying, but often failing, to tease us with tense buildups before thwarting our expectations.

For whatever reason, obligatory final girl Eve (Britne Oldford) is an aspiring actress trapped in a terrible indie horror movie. Whether that's meta or moronic isn't really worth the debate. Both are equally bad and neither are worth your time or attention.

See more of my reviews on FB @ www.facebook.com/thefarisreel

THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HALLOWEEN TO ME

[nogodnomasters · 4/10 · 12 November 2018]

This is a Bible based film, but I wouldn't call it faith based. It takes Isiah 34 as an end time prophecy and places the setting in modern times. It seems there are 36 saints at any given time to prevent the world from falling into darkness. Due to poor planning on the Lord's part 35 are Catholic students who attend the same NYC school. 27 dies in an airplane crash. When the other 9 are toast, Lilith will rule the earth darkness, apparently due to meteor damage.

Detective Joseph (Franky G) has managed to figure this out, thanks to information given to him by a crazed homeless guy. All the characters have Biblical names and are related to their stories as each of the saints are killed according to history.

The film was quite an undertaking, just to Wiki search all those saints and get it right. However like a faith based film, the acting and dialogue wasn't good and the characters were not strong or memorable.

Parental Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity. The "R" for violence is questionable as most of the violent actions take place off screen. For instance, we see a person tied up and a fire is lit, but we don't see them burn. Does show some blood.

Two NYC policemen investigate the case of people being murdered in the same fashion as religious saints.

[cinemava · 10/10 · 8 April 2013]

CineMava here...and I just saw "36 Saints" which I enjoyed very much. The suspense was built up nicely and the movie creeped me out. ( I know...I know, that was the whole point. Well I've got to tell you, it achieved it. ) I saw a talented group of young actors convincingly showing terror and fear. But leading the search for clues and justice were Franky G and Jeffrey DeSerrano who played the cops on this bizarre trail. They believably expressed New York's Finest...dealing with "just the facts," who wind up questioning their own religious beliefs in the process. I can't say much more without spoiling the fun for the rest of you, but I'd recommend the film, and ask this question: "are you one of them?"

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