5 June 2013 | WPoins1969
I am homeless. One day I was drinking vodka and loitering with my dog Sporky when I heard loud noises nearby. I suffered a flashback to 'nam and when I woke up I was apparently at a showing of this movie. I later found out that they had mistaken me for one of the extras judging by my disheveled appearance and the alcohol on my breath.
This is a fantastic movie. I will list my reasons in order of importance, 1 being the most important.
1. There are ugly women wearing shorts. That is my fetish. I secretly admired the butterface leading lady while pretending to check my cellphone. I don't have a cellphone.
2. Zombies are cool. The zombies reminded me of the time I got really messed up on bath salts and killed another homeless man. The police can't prove anything.
3. The loud, mediocre music overwhelmed my brain and allowed me to briefly forget about watching my comrades die in the jungle.
4. I know a couple of other homeless people who "acted" in this movie in exchange for beer. You know some of those "zombies" who suddenly vomited all over themselves and died choking on their own blood? They weren't acting. RIP Slinky, Wozniak, and Crazy Mary. It was nice to see them immortalized on the silver screen.
5. It didn't last too long so I managed to watch the entire movie without wetting myself or having heroin withdrawals.
I give this movie an A+ and a 1 out of 10 for number 1.