22 Jump Street (2014)
Channing Tatum: Jenko
Photos
Quotes
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[from trailer]
Captain Dickson : We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko : Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt : Right in the crack.
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Captain Dickson : Fuck a 21 Jump Street & *FUCK* a Korean Jesus!
Jenko : [pointing across the room to the statue of Jesus] Captain, Korean Jesus is right there!
Captain Dickson : That's Vietnamese Jesus now. See this is a Vietnamese church, you racist sacrilegious sack of shit!
[admiring Vietnamese Jesus]
Captain Dickson : Yeah, Vietnamese Jesus is just drippin' swag-goo!
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Captain Dickson : Gentlemen, you're not gonna sit here
[places pistol down on desk]
Captain Dickson : & pretend there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
Jenko : [confused] What the fuck is going on?
Captain Dickson : [turns picture frame on desk around, revealing a photo of Maya] *This* is what the fuck is going on!
Jenko : [looks at the picture confused, looks at Schmidt, then back at the picture as he realizes] OH SHIT! Oh Shit!
[laughs hysterically at Schmidt]
Jenko : Oh shit! No! That is not happening right now!
[exits office]
Jenko : No!
[to coworkers, exchanging high fives]
Jenko : Hey ya'll he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo! Oh my FUCK!
Captain Dickson : [as Jenko is laughing outside office, to Schmidt] Every time, he says that shit? That's another foot in your ass!
Jenko : [outside office] Schmidt! You clearly... yo, this is the best thing ever!
[laughing]
Jenko : Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
[sing-song]
Jenko : Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko : [re-enters office] Shit! Fuck!
[to Schmidt]
Jenko : You fucked Captain Dickson's daughter? Captain? What the fuck, you bragged to him to his face! To his actual face, the captain, do you understand that *this face*
[pointing to Captain Dickson's angry face]
Jenko : right here! You bragged to that face!
Jenko : [to Captain Dickson] You actually high-fived Schmidt for fucking your daughter? Holy Shit! Oh my God, this is...
Captain Dickson : [picks pistol up and places it back on the desk, with the barrel facing Jenko]
Jenko : [composing himself] It's really not that funny.
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[last lines before end credits sequence]
Captain Dickson : Jenko, what are you doing, man?
Jenko : Fuck you, Schmidt!
Captain Dickson : Stop dicking around!
Jenko : Hey, captain!
Captain Dickson : Congratulations, you two. You managed to un-fuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Schmidt : Thanks!
Captain Dickson : [talking to Schmidt] I wish I could have you un-fuck my daughter, but I'ma let that be the past.
Captain Dickson : [talking to Schmidt and Jenko] Now, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
Jenko : What?
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Jenko : [to bandit] I'm your best ni... I'm your worst nightmare!
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Schmidt : I just wanna say that it was bizarre not to share the fact that your daughter went to MC State...
Captain Dickson : I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfuckin' nuts off.
Jenko : [to Schmidt] What if, Captain gets to punch you in the face, one time? Really, really, REALLY hard?
Captain Dickson : Nah, I've got something WAY better than that.
[cut to Captain Dickson shooting a stun gun at Schmidt's testicles]
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[during end credits sequence]
Jenko : I'm really really glad you're back, Schmidt.
Schmidt : What are you talking about? What contract dispute? I have been here the whole time.
Captain Dickson : Hey, shut the fuck up! How about a flight academy?
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Schmidt : [while hanging from a helicopter] There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
Jenko : Oh, shit! Is that it?
Schmidt : No, that's my dick!
Jenko : What about that?
Schmidt : That's my dick also!
Jenko : Why is it hard?
Schmidt : I'm so full of adrenalin right now!
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Jenko : Fuck you, doves!
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History Proffesor : Mr. McQuaid?
Jenko : ...uh, Covalent Bonds.
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[during end credits sequence]
Captain Dickson : This time, foreign exchange students!
Schmidt : Awesome!
Jenko : Yes!
Captain Dickson : In Russia!
Jenko : What?
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Schmidt : Mr. Walters, I should apologize for...
Mr. Walters : ...for shooting my penis off? Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally. You know they gave me a vagina. It's awesome. You guys wanna see it?
Jenko , Schmidt : No, no, no, no!
Mr. Walters : Eric's seen it. Eric's been all up in that shit. Ain't that right, Eric?
Eric Molson : You guys gotta get me the fuck out of here.
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Jenko : It's 2014, asshole. You can't fucking use 'faggot'. 'Gay' is okay.' 'Homosexual', maybe.
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Jenko : Lets do this Schmidt!
Morton Schmidt : Yeah, just like we always do, Jenkins.
Jenko : [whispering] Dude, it's Jenko!
Morton Schmidt : Sorry.
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Captain Dickson : New assignment...
Jenko : Captain, does Schmidt look any different to you?
[the person sitting next to Jenko is Seth Rogen and not Jonah Hill]
Captain Dickson : No, that's Schmidt. I don't know what you are talking about. Schmidt looks exactly the same to me, man.
Morton Schmidt : I got new glasses.
Captain Dickson : Yeah man, he just got some new glasses, man. God Damn!
Morton Schmidt : [whispering to Jenko] No one is going to fucking notice.
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Jenko : Maybe we should just investigate other people.
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Jenko : Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
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Jenko : What if we actually went into the Secret Service and like, tried to protect the White House?
Schmidt : I don't think that would work.
Deputy Chief Hardy : I am going to ask you to stop talking.
Jenko : I thought it was a pretty good idea.
Deputy Chief Hardy : Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy.
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Jenko : We have to stop treating this as if it was exactly like last time.
