Walden Schmidt: [filling out forms when Alan has to go to the Emergency Room] I want him to have the best possible care, so whatever it takes, I'll pay for it.
Nurse Lorna: You're gonna have to. The man's got the worst insurance policy I've ever seen... He's got a $500,000 deductible... Even at our prices, he ain't gonna hit that with one heart attack.
Walden Schmidt: All right, well, I'll just... I'll take care of it.
Nurse Lorna: Just check the box 'Domestic Partner'.
Walden Schmidt: Oh, no, we're just buddies.
Nurse Lorna: We got no 'Buddy' forms.
Walden Schmidt: Yeh, but...
Nurse Lorna: Just check the damn box.
[he checks the damn box, and walks away]
Nurse Lorna: [under her breath] Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Dr. Kim: [later, the Doctor arrives with news] OK, well, your boyfriend's gonna be fine.
Walden Schmidt: Oh, that's great. He's not my... If th... It's great...
Zoey: [she thinks Alan might have been faking] Did he actually have a heart attack?
Dr. Kim: It was a mild one, but yes.
Walden Schmidt: Told you!
Dr. Kim: He should be fine. He's just gonna need rest, and as little stress as possible.
Zoey: For how long?
Dr. Kim: I don't know, at least a month or two.
Zoey: [disgusted] Great!
Dr. Kim: [confidentially to Walden] That's why we gave up women, am I right?
Walden Schmidt: [to himself] It's a compelling argument.
