They Came Together (2014)

Bill Hader: Kyle

Quotes 

• Kyle : You can have the pussy, just save me the hole.

• Karen : That is a crazy story!

  Joel : Told ya! It's like a corny romantic comedy.

  Kyle : It is. It was such a great beginning, why did you guys decide to get a divorce?

  Joel : Well, things got pretty rough after that.

  Molly : Roland's promise to keep my store flourishing forever, well, it turned out to be a little bit more complicated than we thought. Long story short, the store is gone.

  Joel : And Cup of Joel basically crashed and burned after a week. I mean, it really wasn't anything. And as much as little Tucker loved havin' a new dad around, he was pretty traumatized seein' his real dad get shot in the face by the police.

  Molly : The debts started to pile up and I started taking pills to numb the pain.

  Joel : And then...

  Molly : I started sleeping with Frank again. But enough of our sob stories. The bottom line is, we mutually decided that we were better off as friends than spouses.

  Joel : Yeah.

• Bubby : Are you okay, bubela?

  Joel : Hmm... Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just thinking about some stuff.

  Bubby : Let me tell you a little story.

  Kyle : [cut to restaurant scene]  Wait! Who is this person?

  Joel : My bubby. The lady I was talking about that likes fiction books?

  Karen : Oh, your grandmother.

  Joel : Yeah.

  Bubby : [cut to Bubby's apartment]  Let me tell you a little story. It's about bagels.

  Joel : Wait, say no more. I've got it. You were gonna say the bagels are a metaphor for the circle of life.

  Bubby : No, I wasn't gonna say that.

  Joel : Oh, my God, of course! How could I have not seen it? I let my desire to land the Dickricker account cloud my judgment! I know exactly what to do!

  [Joel stands] 

  Joel : Thank you, Bubby!

  Bubby : [Bubby stands and hugs Joel]  Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you!

  Joel : [embrace lingers]  What are we doin'?

  Bubby : I don't know, but it feels so right.

  Joel : Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna f*** you so bad.

  Bubby : Do it. Do it, Joel. Don't overthink this.

  Joel : Oh, no.

  [Joel lifts Bubby's skirt revealing youthful legs and breaks the embrace] 

  Joel : I... I should go.

  Bubby : Yeah, I get it.

  Joel : Hey, Bubby.

  Bubby : Yes, bubela?

  Joel : Thanks.

  [cut to restaurant where Kyle and Karen are motionless in shock]