Fill 'Er Up (2012)

Videos like Digital Playground's "Fill 'er Up" contributed to the swift demise of the genre known as Couples/Romance, popular about 6 years ago but soon fizzling out. This assembly-line junker with soggy emphasis on storyline and rom-com stereotype characters is much harder to watch than its contemporaneous gonzo wall-to-wallers, even with my advance preference for narrative.

Problem begins with Robby D.'s script: he calls the video "a Robby D. pop shot". Porno cuteness aside, even that stupid appellation is untrue, as the tag line truthfully reveals this is about cream-pie action, a fetish that recurs in porn though hardly popular as the Pavlovian money shot. The low i.q. of both pornographers and their general audience is reflected in the insistence on regular cum shots in a video to end sequences, or the viewer feels cheated, incomplete in some way, with Lesbian Cinema the obvious exception to this ridiculous (but unwavering due to 45 years of repetition) iron-clad rule.

Bibi Jones, a DP contract player whose stage name is proudly Trademarked, and hubby Tommy Gunn deliver an opening cream pie scene, but their liquid happiness is short-lived as Tommy reveals the bad news from the doctors: he's sterile.

Ensuing discussion of how to deal with this life-changing problem is puerile and asinine at the same time. Stammering over his Robby D. awkward dialog, Tommy ultimately suggests they get a surrogate guy for artificial insemination. Bibi's character is so stupid she doesn't grasp the meaning of "artificial" and immediately assumes some stud will be humping her instead of Tommy.

Once they've sorted out the nomenclature, Tommy sets out to get a sperm sample from a prospective donor to send to the lab. He calls it a "load" and soon the entire cast is calling these sperm samples "loads". I realize that working in porn creates many bad habits, in particular Nick Manning's insistence on yelling "dropping loads!" every time he delivered a cum shot, but this sort of scripting idiocy drove me up the wall -thanks Robby!

What follows in the fortunately short (90-minute) feature is repetitive mechanical sex interspersed with idiotic dialog. First two prospective donors are friends, Manuel Ferrara and an old flame of Bibi's (emphasis on old) Marcus London. Ferrara humps his soon to be superstar girl friend Remy LaCroix while Marcus does the honors with soon to be superstar Riley Reid. With our leads Bibi & Tommy standing outside the door each time listening to the sounds of sex, both couples get carried away in the throes of ecstasy (though you'd never know it to watch them, performing mechanical sex I've seen all four do hundreds of times collectively) they forget about the small vial to fill up with a sample. I would think in their line of work they would be used to periodic drug testing (or AIDS testing) but no, each one opts for a facial. Riley stupidly spits out the cum into the vial and hands it in (without telling Tom & Bibi), and sure enough the lab reports the sample tainted with the presence of saliva.

Our intrepid duo gives up this concept and opts for getting a guy to hump dear Bibi instead, the old-fashioned way, which they relate to swinging. That proves to be true, since when they go to Bill (called Billy here for cuteness) Bailey and his g.f. Kendall Karson, the couple agrees to the arrangement, but Kendall insists on a wife swap aspect to be fair to the ladies (her in particular). So after the climax (literal) scene of the movie with Bailey depositing a cream pie in Bibi's vagina, much of which pours out in more of a gusher than a drip for the audience's "it's real" reaction, we're treated to the anti-climax last reel of Tommy the sterile one giving Karson a facial.

I won't spoil this stupid farce by giving away the ending, but it was both stupid and irritating in Robby's search for a twist.

This script, rewritten slightly for a TV movie clean (PG) version would be too embarrassing to turn in to the studio brass. In the Adult world, it passed muster, as witness it being shot and actually released. Unless this was designed to sabotage Bibi's career (she lasted 2 years as a contract player for DP and was often directed by Robby D.) I can't fathom why it was made. And don't tell me it flew off the shelves as a best-selling DVD/Blu-Ray combo - I'll demand an audit if you do.