The Dark Matter of Love (2012) User Reviews (9)

What makes these odd folks tick?!

[planktonrules · 6/10 · 16 January 2015]

"The Dark Matter of Love" is a film about one of the strangest and most ill-prepared families I've ever seen. A couple have a teenage daughter and decide, for reasons that are never apparent, to adopt three children from Russia that were raised in orphanages. One is a girl who is just a few years younger than their biological daughter and two are twins who are incredibly wild and very, very difficult to love. Yet, despite the difficulty in bringing one new child into the home, they bring all three at the same time!!! Some might see them as saints--I see them as a bit crazy and amazingly naive, as they never bothered to learn any Russian and didn't seem to make this choice for clear and intelligent reasons. Fortunately, things eventually seem to work out reasonably well--but in the meantime it is as if the parents chose to move to hell! And, to make it worse, their oldest never chose to do this and her feelings generally don't seem to matter. All these strange motivations and the psychological problems the family has all make for very interesting viewing. I liked these people, mind you, but I sure thought that someone should have suggested a lot of family counseling long before they ever went to pick up the children. Well made and interesting...and I love parents who adopt special needs kids...at least one at a time

As a retired social worker and therapist, this film would make great viewing for training mental health workers as well as showing to people hoping to adopt a child from abroad, as it opens up MANY, MANY important topics that should be talked about well before anyone decides to adopt.

Rocky Adjustment

[ealtutorialsvcs · 6/10 · 15 May 2015]

A well-intentioned, but somewhat arrogant and naive couple adopts four Russian children all at once. The wife even goes so far as to change their names without consulting them. Neither made an effort to learn Russian. Obviously, these kids are better off than they were in the Russian orphanages and seem to adjust, but the transition could have been smoother. Also, the couple seem oblivious to their biological daughter's feelings of insecurity now that she suddenly has three new siblings. Pay her some attention as well folks! There were moments as I was watching this documentary that I felt this couple simply wanted to fulfill a fantasy of having a large family rather than share their good fortune and make up for all the love these kids did not receive earlier in their lives. I wish them all well.

Testament to a Child's Adaptibility

[ezwirn · 7/10 · 4 October 2015]

The relatively peaceful (documented) outcome was truly against all odds, as many here have said.

I enjoyed watching this, despite being slightly sickened and saddened by the emotional issues and blatant ignorance of the parents.

As many have said, the experts' diagnosis of Masha was ridiculous, as she was almost unimaginably calm and collected considering the transition. (ugh that alliteration reminded me of the disgusting renaming of the kids to "C" names... a pathetic attempt to play "perfect family").

Sorry, I don't mean to bash the parents who were doing their best, as is everyone. Remember that.

But to not learn any Russian? Jesus. The ethnocentrism of some American families is so sad. In itself, I don't know if the language isolation was that damaging, but it clearly revealed the ignorance and unpreparedness of the parents, and ultimately shows their lack of empathy and understanding of the THREE kids they adopted.

The two boys could have been much more demonic, and I found the scene where they were cussing out the father hilarious. I would have laughed out loud if I wasn't also a little sickened by the father's disciplinary ignorance.

Again, sorry for my bashing.

To conclude: Masha was wonderful and would (will?) grow into a very intelligent adult with better caretaker modeling, hopefully some wise and loving adult appears in her life, the sooner the better. The boys have an impressive sense of self, and that will serve them well.

Yes, the home environment is better than a Russian orphanage, but still much more superficial than most homes I've been in.

To viewers in Russia: many Americans are much more aware and real then this family. To prospective American adoptive parents: not all Russian children coming from orphanages are going to be that easy.

Best of luck to the family, and I hope they can help each other heal and grow, as all families have the opportunity to do together. Maybe this situation is what all involved need, and I am just acting ignorant by typing this snarky post.

An eye-opener for international orphanage adoptions

[openairstudios · 8/10 · 19 January 2015]

Two naive but well-intentioned parents (with biological teenage daughter Cami) take on the adoption of three Russian youngsters simultaneously. Where was the social worker to advise against this? The children know no English, and the parents don't bother to learn Russian. The resulting disciplinary confusion is uncomfortable, and almost laughable. The children demonstrate two manifestations of Attachment Disorder: extreme detachment in the case of eleven-year-old Masha, and uncontrolled temper tantrums in the cases of five-year-old twins Marcel and Vadim. To make matters worse, the children's names are changed, without their input, to Americanized names like "Caitlin" and "Cody," rather than celebrating their Russian heritage.

And yet the narrative redeems itself. Firstly, the attachment disorders are explained, and the family is counseled by professionals. There is a scientific anthropological thread throughout the movie. And perhaps more to the point: love conquers all in this case. In spite of the awkwardness, they all eventually find love and acceptance in their augmented family.

Beautiful documentary

[rosamariasolis · 8/10 · 5 October 2014]

I thought this documentary was very moving, thought provoking and beautiful. It follows three children from Russia and their new adopted family from the US through connecting and finding their place together as a family. It portrayed in a very realistic way peoples need to connect, to feel a sense of belonging and stability. It also showed the consequences of how you are brought up yourself and past experiences will shape you as a parent. It was very interesting to learn how huge a role affection, love and connecting with other people have in a child's development.

I found it moving and utterly fantastic. The movie showed how we all need relationships of love, support and safety in our lives. The basic necessities are not just food, water, air, shelter and sleep, we also need each other. I recommend this documentary t everyone.

Strong movie, but naive characters

[rdfranko · 7/10 · 27 May 2021]

The movie itself was well done, however the subjects, the Diaz family, left a lot to be desired. I guess it was their dream to always have 4 children, but biologically they could only have one. And as this movie leads me to believe, they apparently woke up one morning and decided they'd adopt 3 kids from a Russian orphanage and not even consult their teenage daughter about it. Cami, who has been an only child all her life soon finds her world turned upside down and feeling left out, rightfully so! Do the parents speak a lick of Russian? None whatsoever. Do the kids speak any English? Barely. These insanely naive and unassuming parents bring these kids home thinking it's going to be one big fairy tale. Marsha is steeling, the boys have attachment disorders, and the parents decide to just Americanize their names, despite the fact that these kids are old enough to know their birth names. I think for one of the boys, the name they chose was similar to a swear word in Russian. These poor kids are quickly shoved into a lifestyle to please these parents. What they needed was individualized attention, their heritage preserved, and a ton of therapy. No idea how it all turned out, but hopefully there's a happy ending as these kids continue to grow.

A story of pain, uncertainty , love and joy.

[lukas_heavymetal · 8/10 · 3 August 2015]

Dark matter of love" behind the story of a family that wanted new members , but would like to do this from a poorly planned manner . I do not understand why the family did not learn the Russian language , how long they fought for custody of the children? It should be enough time for them to learn the language of future children , maybe they thought " If we talk to them in Russian , kids will not want to learn about the English language ," I hope it was this. Another thing , I know that parents have the right to change the name of their small children , but doing so without consulting them seems wrong , the mother could have preserved the Russian origin of children. Despite all the slips, with time everything seemed to have worked . Masha , Marcel and Vadim need thank a lot to their parents , because the choice to adopt them completely changed the direction of their lives , adding them warmth and love.

Normal/Abnormal

[threeicys · 7/10 · 3 May 2015]

As a mother of 8 children, it is clear to me that the issues encountered by adoption are not far from what parents go through normally. Each child is born with a unique personality and temperament that requires flexible nerves and a steadfast love for each one. The abnormal part the film shows a sudden introduction of three older children that turns the house into an exhausting battle, physically and mentally. Adjustment for this family and many like it require professional councilors and years to blend as a family unit. Not impossible.

The editing on the film was good but could have been better - it was not clear the reasons for adopting.

*Overall - it is enjoyable to watch, interesting and informative.

Film review of Sarah McCarthy's The Dark Matter of Love (2012)

[momomuffin · 8/10 · 25 October 2016]

Many people view adoption as such a wonderful and great thing. People who have always wanted kids can experience parenthood and kids that don't have a "family" get a family. Adoption isn't this cookie cutter concept though. Sharon McCarthy's, The Dark Matter of Love, sheds a light on the trial that can be adoption. This documentary show the struggles one family is faced with after adopting not one, but three children from Russia. It shows the hard part of bringing someone new into an already established family.

A reoccurring theme in this documentary is the idea that adoption is an uphill battle from the beginning. This is shown to be especially true when established families are involved as well as when older adopted children. The film also emphasizes the idea of nature and nurture. The adopted children, although not from the same family, had similar tendencies due to their environment in the orphanage. But the film shows how the nurture given by the adopting family plays an extreme role in the development of the children as they grew up.

The family featured in this documentary consists of a mom, a dad, a teenage daughter, and a family dog. To engage the audience the film shows the angle and view of each member of the family so that individual members of the audience can find relatable characters. The way the mom is adjusting is different from the dad, and so on with each member of the family. The film captures this beautifully allowing audience members to "put themselves in the families shoes" so to say.

All people deal with stress in different ways and I loved how this documentary didn't sugar coat the ugly parts. Some parts were hard to watch but they also had me laughing. One very memorable humorous aspect of the movie was the language barrier between the American family and adopted children. Neither one of the parents knew Russian. The audience watches as these children curse at adults and the adults have no idea what they were saying. The comedic element to the documentary kept the tension lighter and helped to further engage the audience in the families journey. You tag along with this family as they go through this crazy journey. You feel there pain and their sadness but you also feel the accomplishments they make and smile with them as they experience the happy moments.

This documentary was very interesting to me due to my interest in mental health. Being a psychology minor I find it very interesting how your childhood impacts your life and relationships with others. The theme of nature versus nurture really resonated with me. I think it would be good for a wide audience range because of its real life situations which are relatable to people even if they haven't been through the same situations. This film would also be good for people to watch because it shows you what children need as they are growing. They need more then food and shelter, they need love and a person they can depend on. I found this film very intriguing because so many people view adoption as this beautiful and amazing time but when in reality it can potentially be hard and very stressful for everyone involved.