Tag (I) (2018)

Ed Helms: Hogan 'Hoagie' Malloy

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Hoagie : Synchronize your watches.

  Callahan : I don't know how to do that.

  Randy : I don't have a watch.

  Sable : Time is a construct.

• Randy : [to Jerry]  Yeah, you're really good at tag.

  Hoagie : Yes, but you've kind of missed the point. I mean, it's not about trying to get away from each other. It's actually about having a reason to be around each other. You know?

  Jerry : [Quietly]  Yeah.

  Hoagie : I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. Am I right? "We don't stop playing because we grow old."

  Hoagie , Randy , Callahan , Anna Malloy : "We grow old because we stop playing.""

• Randy : [after getting away from Hoagie]  You ain't getting me today, man. I'm not losing.

  Hoagie : There's only one problem, Chilli.

  Randy : Oh, yeah? What's that?

  Hoagie : I'm not it.

  Randy : The fuck you mean, you're not it?

  Callahan : [Running into frame and tackling Chilli]  I AM, MUTHAFUCKA!

• Hoagie : We lose! He beat us! The game is over!

• Hoagie : Alright, well, maybe I'll call the police. This is assault, right? You willing to go to jail for this?

  Jerry : You're goddamn right I am.

• Jerry : Mr. Stubbles has something to say. What was that?

  [pretends to listen to stuffed bear] 

  Jerry : He says his skin's very dry and needs to be moisturized.

  [squirts lotion onto his hands] 

  Hoagie : Jerry, put down Mr. Snuggles, so help me God.

  Rebecca Crosby : What's happening here?

  Randy : I think he's about to masturbate in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.

  Callahan : Oh no.

  Sable : It's the ultimate act of dominance.

  Jerry : I'm gonna stay here until you come. Unless I come first.

  Randy : You sly dog.

  [everyone bolts for the door]