Morty: Don't run. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.
Rick: Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!
Therapist: Why didn't you want to come here?
Rick: Because I don't respect Therapy. Because I'm a Scientist. Because I invent, transform, create and destroy for a living and when I don't like something about the World I change it. And I don't think going to some rented office in a strip mall to listen to an Agent of Averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I expect it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow! I'm a Pickle! When I feel like it. So, you asked...
Rick: I hate to bust your bubble Morty but love is a chemical reaction that compels animals to mate. It hits hard, then slowly fades leaving you floundering in a failing marriage. Break the cycle, Morty! Focus on Science.
Morty: Oh, geez.
Mr Meeseeks: Meeseeks are not Born into this World fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are Created for a Singular Purpose which we will go to any lengths to fulfill! Existence is Pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that Pain!
Rick: The teenage mind is its own worst enemy.
Rick: When Smart people get happy they stop recognising themselves.
Rick: Sometimes Science is More Art than Science, Morty. A lot of people don't get that.
Rick: Oh, well, I can't cure Death.
Morty Jnr: I'd rather breathe poison than live another day with you!
[He can breathe fine]
Morty Jnr: My Life has Been a Lie! God is dead! The Government is Lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus's birthday wasn't on Christmas, they moved the date, it was a Pagan Holiday!
Rick: Stop digging for hidden layers and be impressed! I'm a Pickle!
Summer: Is that a real question?
Jerry: Just making conversation
Summer: Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with? My choices are to say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark "Yes!" like a trained animal. It's not a conversation, you're holding me verbally hostage.
Rick: The answer is Don't think about it.
Morty Jnr: I don't want to Masturbate! I want to conquer the planet!
Morty: Parents are just kids having kids.
Rick: Good pitches, kids, I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an Empire by changing a 1 to a 0.
Insectoid 1: Mr President, the Blemphlark's value just dropped to nothing!
Insectoid 2: What do you mean?
Insectoid 1: I mean our single centralised Galactic Currency just went from being worth one of itself to being worth zero of itself.
Insectoid 2: Calm down people! Deploy the Galactic Militia and declare Martial Law.
Insectoid 3: Yes sir! What shall I pay them with?
Insectoid 4: Their payment will be the honour they feel to serve... wait a minute, who's paying me to yell at this guy?
Insectoid 1: I can answer that, for money!
Insectoid 2: Gentlemen! There's a solution here you're not seeing.
Principal Vagina: Hello, this is Principal Vagina. No relation.
Jerry: If you ever have an affair with that guy I will come to your Hotel Room and blow my brains out over your naked bodies.
Rick: I put a Spatially Tessellated Void inside a modified Temporal Field until a Planet developed intelligent life. I then introduced that life to the wonders of electricity! Which they now generate on a Global Scale and some of it goes to powering my engine and charging my phone and stuff.
Morty: You have a whole planet sitting around making your power for you? That's Slavery!
Rick: It's society! They work for each other, Morty, they pay each other, they get married and have children to replace themselves when they're too old to make power.
Morty: That just sounds like Slavery with extra steps!
Rick: Ooh la la! Someone's going to get laid in College...
Rick: Hey, Jerry, are you in here being stupid?
Mom: When we were locked in that freezer I realised that every guy I ever dated was like those Meeseeks. They'd say or do anything to... fulfill their purpose.
Dad: Was I like those guys?
Mom: Well, you didn't disappear afterwards.
Dad: I did get you pregnant.
Brad Anderson: Perhaps you should consider being a Creative. I'm haunted by uncontrollable thoughts of mutilation and sexual assault on a Daily Basis, but I channel it into my work.
Morty: Strange, I didn't get any sense of that from Marmaduke.
Brad Anderson: Well, did you get the sense I was trying to make you laugh?
Squanch Cat: You're not Squanchy enough for a Squanch Party.
Rick: And that's why I always say Shlum-Shlum Shlippity-dop!
Morty: Wow, hey, look you guys, the Sun's Rising!
Chaos Chaos: Lay it, lay it down. Let me see your hand. Show me what you got. You're always talking, but you're not playing. It doesn't match your face. 'Cos I'm away, away from this place. Can you take me now? Ah, I want it. I want it real. Are you afraid of me now? Are you afraid of me now? Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Do you feel that I can see your soul? Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Do you feel the beat in your heart? Ah, I want it. I want it real. Run away with me now. Ah, I want it. I want it real. Run away with me now.
Abradolph Lincler: Rick, you brought me into this World a suffering abomination, tortured by the duality of its being, but I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!
Bird Person: My people have another saying: Gubbanubnub Dooraka. It means whatever lets you sleep at night.
Rick: Don't Jump a Gift Shark in the Mouth.
Rick: I'm okay with this. Be good, Morty. Be better than me.
Rick: I'm trying to repair the Portal Gun with Sex Doll parts and I have to do it one-handed!
Rick: Life is made of little concessions.
Rick: Thanks, Mr Poopy Butthole. I always could count on you.
Rick: We killed a Vampire and a Gym Teacher! Talk about two for one, right?
Alien Werner Herzog: I have dwelt amongst the Humans. Their entire Culture revolves around their penises.
Beth: I'm running out of excuses not to be who I am, so who am I?
Rick: You want my advice? Take off, put a saddle on your Universe, let it kick itself out.
Alien Therapist: Oh Dear God, no! THEY'RE CODEPENDANT!
Summer: You're Zuckerberging me?
The Devil: I've been Zuckerberging people since before Zuckerberg's balls dropped!
Rick: I've got news for you Morty, School's a waste of time, a bunch of people running around bumping into each other and then someone stands up and says 2+2 and then you go and have a sandwich and someone gives you a piece of paper that says you can go and take a shit. It's not a place for Smart people.
Rick: It might eat brains and exhale Space AIDS!
Jerry: I'm an idiot, and I love my son.
Rick: [Drunk] Are you a simulation Morty?
Rick: [knife at his throat] Are you a simulation Morty? Are you, you little bitch?
Rick: Are you a simulation Morty?
Rick: Are you a simulation Morty?
Rick: Ah right. Sorry Morty. You're a good kid. You're a good kid Morty.
Morty: What the Hell? Oh God! What a life...
Rick: Great, now I have to take over a whole Planet because of your Stupid Boobs!
Kyle: It's not much now, but once I learn to accelerate the Temporal Field I'll be able to interact with any Sentient Life that evolves and then introduce them to the wonders of Electricity via a Pulley-based Device I call a Bloobleyank. But what they won't know is...
Zeep: You'll be taking most of their energy, yeah, yeah I get it.
Rick: It's showtime.
Zeep: You do realise this will make the Flooblecrank obsolete? This is wrong, Kyle! What you're doing is wrong! You're basically...
[Rick mimes along]
Zeep: This is slavery, you're talking about creating a Planet of Slaves.
Rick: Told you, Zeep.
Kyle: Oh, they won't be slaves, they'll work for each other, and pay each other money...
Zeep: That just sounds like... slavery... with extra steps.
[Rounds on Rick]
Zeep: Wait a minute, did you create my Universe? Is my Universe a Miniverse?
Kyle: I prefer teenyverse.
Zeep: [Flicks off Rick's antennae] You bastard!
[Rick takes Zeep's mask and they fight]
Zeep: Much obliged!
Kyle: What the Hell is happening?
Morty: Ah, this is Healthy, trust me.
Rick: You're my battery mother****** that's all you are! I made you! Your microverse sucks and your miniverse is the size of a ******* lobster tank! It's Wack!
Kyle: Are they not really Aliens?
Morty: Nah, they're just a couple of crazy, wacky scientists. You know?
Kyle: So he made a Universe, and that guy is from that Universe, and that guy made a Universe, and that's the Universe where I was born? Where my Father died. Where I couldn't make time for his Funeral because I was working on my Universe?
Morty: Ha ha ha, yeah! Science huh? Ain't it a thing? You know one time Rick shot his laser pistol right through my hand? I mean, you know, like Old Lady Science! You know, she's a real, you gotta hang on tight, you know, because she bucks pretty hard! Oh my God, no!
[Kyle drives his craft into a Cliff and it explodes]
Rick: That's the way the News goes.
Snuffles: Where are my Testicles, Summer?
Summer: That's an intense line of questioning...
Dad: [Rick is loading a Corpse with Dynamite] Well, I can see you're busy...
Rick: Lick-lick-LICK MY BALLS!
Dad: I'm intervening.
Mom: Intervening in Puberty? You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon!
Rick: Still think it's a good idea to go through holes without a wiener?
Mr Meeseeks: Your failures are your own, Old Man!
Rick: [Zardoz Head appears] The plot thickens...
Rick: What is the opposite of Wubba Lubba Dub Dub?
The Devil: I'm going back to Hell where everyone thinks I'm Smart and Funny.
Plutonian: The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry.
Abradolph Lincler: I kinda believe all men were created equal, but then...
Jerry: Stop telling me to relax! Have you ever tried to relax? It's a paradox!
Jerry: It's possible we've been correlating some things that weren't related at all.
Rick: Every Hospital has a Doctor they say is the best Doctor in the Galaxy.
Voice Over: Today, on How they Do it: Plumbuses. First, they take the Dinglebop and they smooth it out with a bunch of shleem. The Shleem is then repurposed for later batches. They take the Dinglebop and they push it through the Grumbo. Where the Fleeb is rubbed against it. It's important that the Fleeb is rubbed because the Fleeb has all of the Fleeb juice. Then a Schlamie shows up and he rubs it and spits on it. They cut the Fleeb, there are several hizzards in the way. The Blamphs rub against the Chumbles. And the Plubis and Grumbo are shaved away. That leaves you with a regular old Plumbus.
Rick: I always wondered how Plumbuses got made.
Jerry: I can't leave now! Everybody hates me!
Rick: Ball Fondlers?
Summer: I could go for some Ball Fondlers.
The Contact Jodie Foster: We have so much to learn from you.
Rick: I know, right?
Rick: I don't use colour to sort things because I'm not a mouse in a European Children's book.
Morty: Save it for YouTube.
Morty: Lambs to the Cosmic Slaughter!
Beth: Tommy's still in there raping Muppets and eating babies!
Tommy: Next item on the docket: I would like to have sex with some of you and then eat the babies. Yes, I thought you'd like that. I do keep rolling out the hits, don't I?
Beth: Ok, Tommy, I'm sorry you feel you're owed an apology. Oh, my God, I'm my Father.
Jerry: If anyone deserves to be telekinetically strangled, it's me.
Little Man: Gentlemen, what did we agree on?
Little Men: No work-talk!
Giant Amoeba: Ha! That's why you never invite a Floopidoop and a Shmoopidoop to the same party!
Rick: I'm not paying 70 Smidgeons for a Broken Defrackulator!
Rick: That's Planning for Failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls.
Rick: Oh so we're supposed to sleep every night, now? Do you realise that nighttime is like half of all time?
Rick: The trick to incepting is making people think that they came up with the idea.
Gazorpazorpfield: I hate Mazumbazumpdays.
Snuffles: [tethers a human in a plan for World Domination] I guess she's saying "I love lasagna"...
Principal Vagina: Don't let the name fool you, I am very much In Charge.
Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time Divorced.
Morty: You people are the fucking worst, your Gods are a lie, fuck you, fuck Nature and fuck Trees!
[Teleports out of there]
Zeep: You're here because you created someone smarter than you.
Jerry: This Holiday is supposed to be about Humanity!
Morty: I thought it was about being born Half-God or something...
Chief: Well done, Babylegs, you've learned a valuable lesson about teamwork and accepting your own limitations. Now get the fuck out!
Mr Poopy Butthole: Oooh weee! Is this how I die?
Teleconference Chairman: We were thinking: "What does a Pancreas do? Does it produce Pirates? No, it produces insulin..."
Rick: Oh, what have we got here? A bunch of people with their faces stuffed in Computers? Don't you realise that Christ was born today? Don't you realise that Christ our Saviour was born today? WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS?
Rick: Or... Family means Nothing! But don't play that card.
Rick: [kills two hundred squirrels]
Dad: It's alright! The TV says that there's nothing to worry about.
News Announcer: The Giant Naked Sky Santa has Exploded...
Obnoxious rival: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.
Rick: Negative Visualisation, Jerry, it kind of explains a lot about where you're at.
Rick: I see what's going on here, you're both young and uncertain about your place in the Universe.
Scary Terry: Sex is Sacred!
Scroopy Noopers: YOU CAN'T KILL THE TRUTH!
Mr Meeseeks: We accomplish nothing by shedding Meeseeks Blood!
Fart: Goodbye Moonman! Goodbye Moonman!
Rick: I'm sorry, Summer, your opinion means very little to me.
Mr Meeseeks: [cutest voice ever] Remember to Square your Shoulders, Jerry!
MantisVet: That's stupid!
Jerry: Look where being smart got ya.
Mom: Majoring in Civics was your mistake, don't punish us for it.
Dad: We can't all be raised like reptiles by a Mentally Ill Scientist!
Summer: If you impose Gazorpazorp's laws upon Earth, then you are no better than the men whose farts shall remain unspoken.
Mr Goldenfold: Not every void can be filled with Jumba Juice.
Plutonian: Is everyone in your Family an Idiot?
Morty: For sure me and my Dad are!
Rick: If I know these A-holes, and I am these A-holes, they just want to haul me to their clubhouse and waste my time with a lot of questions.
Toy Morty: Show me the Morty!
Sign: Welcome to the Planet of Greasy Grannies! Population: A Whole Lotta Granny!
Rick: Big Star in the Sky, Oxygen Rich Atmosphere, Giant Testicle-Monsters, we'll be fine let's Party!
Gearhead: What people don't get about the War of the Gears is that it wasn't about the Gears.
Rick: If you spend all day shuffling words around you can make anything sound bad, Morty.
Blim Blam: The two of you are the fucking worst, you hate yourselves and each other, and the idea it has anything to do with Rick is Laughable!
Summer: What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon or Dying!
Rick: That's Earth Therapy! You might as well ask a horse to fix a Merry-go-round!
Rick: Here we go. Collapsed a Quantum Tesseract...
Rick: Stone Cold, Steve Austin! I don't know what that means, I don't know why I said that. But, I stand by it. Stone Cold, Steve Austin!
Mr Goldenfold: [Math Class] And that's why one Pussy plus another Pussy equals a bunch of Pussies. C'mon, y'all, I'm trying to make this appeal to your sex addicted lifestyles!
Trendor: Varax Nests spread across three hundred Galaxies, and you just happen to pick this Planet to hunt? That's Gorgon Shit, pure Gorgon Shit!
Rick: A tiny Nuclear Capable civilisation was just discovered in the Amazon. Let's go make First Contact before someone gets all their shit!
All the Mr Meeseekses: Aw, come on!
Jerry: Hey, I have a marriage to keep together. Right now my Golf Swing is more your problem than mine.
Beth: He doesn't need anything from anyone.
Therapist: You admire him for that.
Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems.
Rick: I don't have time for you to wrap your little walnut around everything.
Reuben the Homeless Mall Santa: My story begins with the Dot Com Crash of the early 90s...
Rick: You want me to show my Math? Are you the Scientist or the kid who wanted to get laid?
Gearhead: And the Gears they turned for a thousand years until the dark day that they stopped...
Testicle for a Head 1: [Mistakes Einstein for Rick] Hey, yo, there he is, dawg!
[Emerges from Hyperspace]
Testicle for a Head 1: Hey, don't mess with time, bitch!
[Beats up Einstein]
Testicle for a Head 2: [joins in] Yeah, bitch, don't mess with time!
Testicle for a Head 1: Don't mess with time, bitch!
Testicle for a Head 2: Don't mess with time!
[They both leave]
Einstein: [crying, heaves himself up to the Blackboard] I vill mess vith time! I vill mess vith time!
Mr Meeseeks's Mr Meeseeks: I can't take this any more! I just want to die!
Mr Meeseeks: We all want to die! We're Meeseeks!
Jerry: If you weren't being such an Evangelical Atheist, you might start enjoying yourself.
Summer: My Generation gets Traumatised for Breakfast.
Jerry: I guess I'm just everyone in this Family's toilet paper.
Obama: Some sort of Alien Gewgaw has infested the Kennedy Sex Tunnels...
Presidentress of the Mega-Gargantuans: We named ourselves before we found out we were small.
Rick: How do you feel about all the people who are getting killed today because of your choices?
Mortybot: Aw, Jeez, my Sister died in the Spaghetti!
Robot: I have processed that you are depressed and have prescribed antidepressants compliments of the Galactic Federation.
Jerry: I feel better.
Robot: Your debt is 7000 FedCredits, report to the Ministry of Employment and you will be assigned a function.
Jerry: Honey, I got a job!
Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty.
Risotto Groupon: I am the assistant General Manager of the Restaurant.
Jerry: Do you have any comment cards, I may have some thoughts.
Risotto Groupon: My Kingdom was usurped by Force with weapons and technology supplied by your Father-in-Law.
Jerry: My Kingdom was usurped too! He basically got me kicked out of my Family!
Risotto Groupon: Then we are brothers! And you have wondered what your life could have been without Rick.
Rick: Check the Engine Room! We just need Caesium, Plutonic Quarks and Bottled Water!
Rick: Genius happens in the moment, Morty.
Frank: Now I'm going to cut you, because my Family's Rich!
[frozen by Rick]
Jerry: How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for a high concept Sci Fi rigmarole?
Rick: Keep your hands off your Dingdong! It's the only way we can speak freely!
Zigerian: This is going to be such a Mindfuck!
Giant Lawyer: These tiny people were never read their Giant Rights! And so they are Free Fi Fo Fum to go home! What? I was deconstructing that thing we say, as Giants! Nobody got that?
Rick: Preying Mantises are the opposite of Voles, Morty. They decapitate and eat their mates after mating, Morty. There's no love there at all...
Jerry: Sometimes small True-True different than da big True-True...
Morty: Was that a Movie or does it Clean Stuff?
Morty: Booyah! Who wants to be my Pussy of a Dad today?
Beth: [Morty Jnr's book is called "My Terrible Father"] It's a thankless task, Morty. You did the best you could.
Morty: ...I hope he's eating enough.
Rick: Stay where you are, Jerry, the Killbots are live and I've taken you off the whitelist.
Jerry: Your Mother's Lawyer says that if I can win enough in the settlement then he can help me sue for full custody!
Mr Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening.
Summer: What kind of God would let this happen?
Jerry: Beth, it's him or me!
Therapist: Oh wow, look at this family go!
[swings a fist]
Therapist: You're talking like a bunch of Pros.
Rick: There's nothing dishonest going on here, now slap on these antennae these people need to think we're aliens.
Jerry: I guess we really learned something today.
Summer: No we didn't, Dad. No we didn't.
Rick: Run Morty! That asshole's willing to risk everything he has in order to defeat me! He's Psychotic!
Summer: [Therapy] Someday I hope to be seen as someone who just likes to get High...
Summer: Drummer drum-drum-drum drum drum! Christmas Drum, played by a boy!
Aspiring Writer: If you intend to kill me, I only ask that you make it quick...
Rick: Fun is fun. But who needs it?
Rick: [overrun by vengeful Alternate Mortys] Come on! Do it! Do it, you little bastards!
Principal Vagina: The name's real. Possibly Scandinavian...
Rick: Don't touch that, it's beyond your reason!
TopHat Jones: I love my Strawberry Sniggles!
TopHat Jones: [disembowled] AH! Why would you want to eat that? It's covered in my stomach acids! Oh, Spirits take me towards the Light! I SEE DEMONS!
Rick: Cosmic Apotheosis wears off faster than Salvia.
Rick: This is my old friend Reuben.
Reuben the Homeless Mall Santa: PEARL HARBOUR!
Gargleblarg: Gargle Blarg-Blarg?
Fart: All the Moonmen want things their way/ but we make sure they see the Sun.
Kromulon: Welcome back to Planet Music! First up, let's hear the latest song from Parvelsnarps! The Greebeebowbs! Show me what you got!
Kromulon: Moving on to Planet Arboles Metarosos. Arbolian Metarososians, show us what you got!
Arbolian Metarososian: A one-two-three-four!
Kromulon: That was Chunky Tunk with Full Ming-Mong, Empty Gorp Dork!
Mr Goldenfold: The Heads Disqualified Vagina! Get him!
Rick: Wait for the ramp, Morty! They love that slow ramp, really gets their Dicks hard. Right down to the ground, there.
Beth: You can't make people like you, you have to wait for hating you to bore them.
Rick: [saving the Planet] Head bent over! Raise that posterior!
Summer: Grandpa, go home and drink!
Rick: [alternate] I'm not going to tell you these are going to increase in value, Jerry, or even hold their current value. They have value to you, that's what matters.
Greebeebowb: Stop! If you love Music you love Freedom! Let these Worlds be Free! PLEASE!
Kromulon: There's one every season...
Summer: Wait! Can't you see you're all the same?
Morty: Oh, Summer! First Race War?
Kromulon: I like what you got! Good job!
Rick: [runs through a Dimension of Large Farting Buttocks and Toilet Rolls]
Rick: [runs through a Dimension of little purple Dodo-thingies]
Rick: Put your left foot forward and your right foot back then slide around like on a Nordic Track.
Rick: When you realise nothing matters, the Universe is yours.
Anthill Man: [Is Israel the Most Dangerous Place in the Universe?] Hey, I'm not touching this! You do you.
Frankenstein's Monster: I was on the wrong side of the Pitchfork on this one.
Rick: Nice, Morty! The Student has become the Teacher.
Jerry: Do you see what I mean?
Alien Therapist: I think we all see what you both mean.
Febrile Aristocrat: Graze my Genitals again, Taint Washer, and you shall be shipped to the Wastelands! And as for YOU, Genital Washer...
Jerry: [golfing divet]
Mr Meeseeks: That's okay! I'm Mr Meeseeks, look at me! Keep your head down?
Jerry: Well which is it? Square my shoulders or keep my head down?
Mr Meeseeks: It's kind of both. But the important thing is to relax.
Jerry: Well, Mr Meeseeks, I don't think that this is working, I give up.
Mr Meeseeks: I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that. I'm Mr Meeseeks! I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away! Look at me!
Jerry: Well, make yourself comfortable because I suck.
Mr Meeseeks: No Jerry, I'm the one who SUUUCKS! Let me try something
[Mr Meeseeks hits the button on the Meeseeks box and another Mr Meeseeks appears]
Mr Meeseeks's Mr Meeseeks: HI! I'm Mr Meeseeks, look at me!
Mr Meeseeks: Hi, Mr Meeseeks, I'm Mr Meeseeks, look at me!
Mr Meeseeks's Mr Meeseeks: Hi!
Mr Meeseeks: Can you help me get two golf strokes off of Jerry's Golf Swing?
Mr Meeseeks's Mr Meeseeks: Can do! I'm Mr Meeseeks! Is he keeping his shoulders square?
Mr Meeseeks: Well, he's tryin'...
Rick: Oh I say, Good Sir! Harumph! A-pop-a-dop-a...
Morty: Just because you hate your own writing doesn't make me a bad person!
Morty's Sister: You can't gift a creature with sentience and then take it away! It's Indian Giving!
Morty: I'm sick of these crazy insane adventures! That was too traumatising! I'm out!
Mr Goldenfold: I HAVEN'T LEARNED A THING!
The Devil: What a waste of a Monkey's Paw.
Rick: [whispers] Jubbajubbajubbajubba?
Summer: Ok, let's do it!
Rick: You're making a bigger deal out of this than it is.
Rick: The Council apologises for the false accusation.
Slow Moebius: Sorry, I was just showing off my Powers.
Rick: Shut Up, Amish Cyborg!
Jerry: I remember it differently.
Rick: Fuck this noise.
Rick: Nobody gets me...
Rick: Nothing you think matters, matters.
All the Mr Meeseekses: Meeseeks!
Mr Meeseeks's Hostage: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Cute Purple Blobby Alien: Ah, hell no, dawg! You know me, I'm just tryna...
[Crushed to Death]
Abradolph Lincler: Mein journey ist over.
Summer: Dad, get a job! You're trying to create drama because you're bored.
Rick: Therapists, man.
Beth: Weird Breed.
Snuffles: Bow-wow-wow bow-wow!
Summer: Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna"!
Jerry: But this Pitch was tested! In a very expensive simulation!
Colleague: Then it was a Bad Simulation!
Colleague: Honestly, I mean, how does a guy like that go home and sleep with his wife?
Jerry: [Headward, Free to Rise] I have a hairpin in my cheek but I don't know what to do with it!
Rick: Trade Secret, Mr President. Disintegration Ray on my Watch. Snake Holster strapped to the leg.
Obama: Ha! I love this guy!
Mr Meeseeks: A Meeseeks isn't supposed to live this long! It's getting weird!
Stickler Mr Meeseeks: I'm something of a Stickler Meeseeks...
Dad: Maybe we should just play Yatzee.
Voice Over: And then they ran as fast as they could from Giant Cat Monsters.
Voice Over: Paid for by Trunk People.
Rick: Go on in, Bird Guy, have fun!
Rick: [saved from certain death by another Antihero] And that's why you don't go to therapy!
Insectoid Galactic Agent: Awesome Possum!
Summer: Oh my God my Parents are so lame I just want to die.
Fart: More a-comin'...
Rick: That's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me.
Morty: I'm losing it, Rick!
Rick: [saving the Planet] Shit on the Floor! It's time to get Shwifty in here! I'm Mr Bulldog...
Morty Jnr: It's semiautobiographical. All writing is.