Appropriate Behavior (2014)

Desiree Akhavan: Shirin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shirin : This is so beautiful. No homo.

  Maxine : What do you mean, "No homo"?

  Shirin : Oh, you don't know what "no homo" is? Okay, so "no homo" is this thing that rappers say to each other to like nullify the gayness of their words. They could be like, "those are some really fly jeans, man. No homo." or "Your song touched me. No homo."

  Maxine : Like, "I like the way your dick tastes in my mouth. No homo."

  [Both crack-up] 

  Shirin : Exactly.

  [pause] 

  Shirin : I feel really lucky to have met you.

  Maxine : No homo?

  Shirin : Homo.

• Shirin : I love how none of your white shirts get those really annoying pit stains that mine always do.

  Maxine : I love that you noticed that.

  [They kiss] 

• Maxine : I have something on my mind but it feels too scary to say out loud.

  Shirin : Say it.

  Maxine : Do you have something on your mind?

  Shirin : Maybe?

  Maxine : What?

  Shirin : Don't be a pussy.

  Maxine : Okay, let's say it at the same time on the count of three. One.

  Maxine , Shirin : Two.

  Shirin : I'm falling in love with you.

  Maxine : [simultaneously]  I'm thinking of transitioning into a man.

  [Both laugh] 

  Maxine : Of course, I'm falling in love with you.

• Maxine : You are ruining my birthday.

  Shirin : You're ruining my twenties.

• Shirin : I'm just going to lie here and try to forget what it felt like to be loved.

• Shirin : I find your anger *incredibly* sexy.

  Maxine : Really?

  Shirin : I hate so many things too.

  [They smooch] 

• Maxine : Can't hold my thoughts still long enough to think them, I have to chase them.

  Shirin : I know what you mean. The other day, I had a really good idea for a children's book while I was smoking weed and now I have no idea what it was.

  Maxine : Keep smoking. You'll get it back.

• Maxine : You're such a jerk.

  Shirin : You love it.

  Maxine : Shirin.

  Shirin : Yeah.

  Maxine : We're the same kind of stoned person.

• Ted : Can I ask what you're having?

  Shirin : The cheapest red they had.

  Ted : How is it?

  Shirin : Alcoholic. With an oaky finish.

  Ted : Sounds good.

  Shirin : Sorry, I'm not well versed in wine talk.

  Ted : Oaky finish was a nice touch.

• Shirin : I just hate the way dudes get when they can't maintain an erection.

  Maxine : What do they get like?

  Shirin : Oh, are you a gold star?

  Maxine : No, I've had sex with men, just um... not the kind who go soft.