The movie is about a horror movie writer that into a big old haunted house with a creepy mysterious blind woman living on the top floor. His friend and companion states "sounds like a good plot for a film", unfortunately the film we are watching does not seem to confirm her statement. The film is slow moving with out taking advantage of its pace. Long drawn out scenes of your main character walking on the beach and finding messages in a bottle set to indie music, and conversations going over the previous scenes fill a majority of the film. While acting and camera work isn't bad, there simply is no substance to the film and nothing new is brought to the table. There are no scary moments in the film, unless you count a slamming door as scary. Once the ending of the film came around, I wondered if the movie was somehow a misplaced joke that wasn't funny. You will see what I mean when a near replica of a certain Halloween scene is done.
Add a Review
-
chaosbaron17 February 2015
-
claudio_carvalho31 August 2016The screenwriter John Davies (Lee Bane) leaves London and rents an isolated manor in the countryside for two months in a location where he used to visit when he was a child. The real estate agent Mrs. Connelly (Tessa Wood) shows the two-floor house but informs that in the attic lives another tenant, the reclusive Agnes (Vivien Bridson) that is blind. John decides to stay and in the afternoon he meets the beautiful neighbor Cassie Konrad (Georgina Blackledge) in the garden. John invites Cassie for a tea and soon they get close to each other. However, during the night, John is haunted by nightmares and supernatural events. One night, he decides to break in the attic and Agnes discloses the secrets of the manor.
"The Last House on Cemetery Lane" is a very low budget horror movie with a story of haunted house. The storyline has potential but the cinematography, camera and effects are very poor and the plot is confused. Who is haunting the house and consequently John is the most important unanswered question since Cassie has fallen in love with John. My vote is four.
Title (Brazil): Not Available -
MaeBeaBaeBea20 February 2015I just don't know what to say. It was difficult to make it through this entire piece of drivel and stay awake at the same time. Let's see, we have an obnoxious real estate person who lies through her teeth and should have been sued, a screenwriter who never writes, a pretty young thing who steals blackberries and acts like a graduate from St. Vivian's School of Vacuous Smiles, and an old recluse who seemingly survives on air.
Then the usual stuff starts happening - sinister writing on walls, thumping paintings, rattling door knobs, meaningless nightmares - all pointing to a malignant spirit. In the end we find out that while in most ghost stories these things have a purpose, in this one we just sit there and go "Huh?" Major plot holes, or if you wish, failed plot devices. No action, no thrills, not even a hint at a jump scare.
Why, God, oh why did I waste my time on this? Please people, don't make the same mistake I did. -
From ever having ANY involvement in ANY film making, directing, writing, story boarding etc, etc. His films must have a budget of about 10p and I assume his 'band' of actors work for free because nobody in possession of their senses would EVER finance any of his films, but he never lists the budget but his Film Company DO write the storyline which doesn't give correct info. Also, as several reviews exceeded 5 I doubt these also.
-
Fancytower19 February 2015Should be labeled as a comedy because we spent the whole time laughing. Several minutes of bad music with ridiculous shots of main character.
Dumb, dumb, dumb. A limited budget is not an excuse for this junk. I'm angry that we even sat through the first few minutes, let alone the whole "movie". This "film" shouldn't ever have seen the light of day, let alone on a major streaming service.
Writer and director should be ashamed and needs to hide away into oblivion for this crap. Trust me, you would be more entertained by looking out into the dark sky or an American soap opera for more drama or entertainment. -
jennawhatever23 October 2015I've never felt the need to write reviews until I watched this film. It's a wonder how I even sat through until the end, but I barely managed. Before anyone else makes the same mistake, I truly hope you take the time to read these reviews before you click play. This is easily one of the worst films I've ever seen, in any genre. I can't call this horror, I don't know what to call it besides a failure. I hate to be harsh, but it was painfully awkward and uncomfortable to watch due to how awful it really is. From the camera work, to meaningless clips and dialogue; there is really nothing I can praise this movie for. I guess the overall storyline isn't the worst, aside from being just plain boring. I don't know what they were trying to accomplish with this at all. Seriously, do NOT waste your time.
-
And another Sunday evening ruined by a badly made film. The cover looked pretty promising, but straight from start it fails at impressing the viewer. But okay let's give it a chance, maybe it'll improve. Unfortunately ... it doesn't. My word, what a bad piece of film this is.
It utterly fails to pick up speed and you really have to struggle to keep paying attention... and this is a horror film. Well it's labelled and marketed as a horror movie... which is an insult to horror fans like myself.
The music is distracting and corny, the special effects would make early film makers laugh... Then there's the horrible dialogs and the dreadful acting. You'd be better off watching the Wizard of Ozz for a good scare. The only horror is that I wasted precious time watching it. -
Jharnden121 February 2015Spoiler Alert: unless you are related to the film makers and are posting a review to help them or the actors' egos this film sucks! It is not the greatest film ever, and it is also not the worst. However, from the first moment of film it feels like a high school project headed to community college. The pink lipstick on the realtor lady...why? The first song with lyrics echoes like a song from 1999. Why? That 's probably the biggest mystery of the film. The acting is dull and the scares are mediocre. The scariest part is the bearded main character walking down the stairs in his robe. At least we didn't have to see his Waspy junk. The worst part of the film is the ripoff dream scenes (with bells!) that hint at the writer and director being fixated on Stephen King's The Shining. Skip this movie if you think a slice of pizza is better than boredom. Go wait for the pizza. Skip this film if YouTube is entertaining. Skip this film if you find Vanilla Ice's music entertaining. The only people who should watch this film are fans of trite, dull horror films and fans of Creed. At least their echoing kind of made sense.
-
johannes2000-13 June 2017I have to agree with most reviews here: this was not a very good movie, to put it mildly. With a title like this they promise at least a decent horror movie, but this turns out to be an non-involving and extremely slow-paced anything-but-scary bore. The premise was okay enough (writer-blocked screenwriter rents an old mansion to work in, and has to share this with a mysterious blind old lady that rents the attic), but the makers of this movie don't do anything worthwhile with the potential this gives. The guy (unfortunately totally non-charismatic and rather scruffy looking) wanders and ponders endlessly, the strange occurrences are not the least bit scary and the guy's reactions are very unrealistic. There's a for this kind of movie unavoidable handsome neighbour (a solid and beautiful actress, I grant them that!!) but the guy doesn't ask her anything logical and useful (like: what do you do, where do you live, tell me about this house, etc) and he very readily takes for granted that this beautiful creature seems to fall for him from the first minute they meet. When at last the guy is so tormented by all the strange occurrences (a bathroom-door closing mysteriously being the most extreme) that he forces his way into the attic, all the supposedly built up tension sags-in when we see a friendly old lady who immediately as a trained robot reveals the whole story. The ensuing meant-to-be climactic battle on the stairs is only preposterous. No special effects, no scares, no chills, no main character that evokes any sympathy. Just tedious. Oh, one positive thing, I did like the score (although at times it was confusing to tell the sounds of the movie and the sounds of the score apart) and I absolutely loved the song that composer Bobby Cole sang himself and which he seems to have made especially for this movie - such a waist! My 3 points are purely for him!
-
I have watched this film right to the end as I'm not a quitter.
But this was super boring.
The main male actor was pleasant on the eye though.
If you have a spare couple of hours to waste then give it a bash.
But I'm sure you'd find something better to wheel away your evening.
And having to fulfil my obligations to writing 600 worded review is becoming like sticking toothpicks under your finger nails.
The few actors in this film some are wooden, unimaginative and possibly will remain as B list actors. Next time il make sure il check the reviews first, then I won't feel obligated to watch it until the end, hoping it would pick up. -
I do not understand why this movie has got so low marks, and why so few people seem to have watched it! I found it a really good, old- fashioned ghost story! Suspenseful, with a mystery to solve and with some good scares as well. It is also refreshing with an English movie now and then, interspersed with the usual fare of Hollywood movies which have all certain things in common. The British are somehow more realistic and with a less glossy polish. The actors look and behave more like ordinary people.
Not very original maybe - if you have been around and watched and read a lot of ghost stories, you see where this one is going early on. I realized almost immediately that the beautiful neighbour woman was in fact a ghost, living in the rented house. (Although I guessed at first that the old Agnes upstairs had been long dead, and that the young woman was her ghost - preferring to show herself young and beautiful.) It took a little longer, but only till the rude phone-call, before I realized that the owner of the house was somehow involved in the evil.
The reason I give it only 8 stars instead of 9 or 10, although I really enjoyed it, is that the ending (the very last minutes) was a bit strange and unfulfilling. What DID happen - were the daughter and mother still alive, and had everything only happened in the writer's imagination..? I do not like unclear endings, I want everything tidied up at the end. -
parry_na12 July 2015It is doubtful that the similarities between the title of this film and House by the Cemetery and Last House on the Left are coincidental. After all, any way to attract attention makes good business sense. Yet, fans of those more visceral tales would probably be disappointed by the tameness of the horror on display here, which may explain why this release has attracted little attention.
John Davies (Lee Bane) is a somewhat reclusive writer who rents a large country house, whereby he meets the charmingly old-fashioned Cassie Konrad (Georgina Blackledge) and also discovers he is sharing the house with an even more reclusive old blind woman (Vivian Bridson).
This is a beautifully shot, low-budget, 'gentle' horror (if there is such a thing). It is slow moving, but never ponderous due to the appeal of the very small cast. The relationship which develops between Davies and Conrad is delightful – two isolated people who simply enjoy each other's company – and it is that which provides the backbone of the unveiling mystery. There is very little gore or effects, but such things aren't necessary in what is essentially a human take on a familiar haunting theme. This isn't Evil Dead or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but doesn't ever try to be. -
imdb-148508 May 2022... I give another Netflix new-released horror film any of my time left on this planet. They say nothing in life is guaranteed. Not true. Any new, unheard-of horror film on Netflix is bound to disappoint - just like this one.
-
RedQueenIMDB29 April 2015This is a one of those Christian message films being deliberately mis- marketed as a horror movie. And everyone has been given the Christian message and knows it by the time our brains begin retaining memories. So let's BE HONEST about what kind of movie we're trying to shove down people's throats. Especially horror aficionados, who want to watch something evil! We know where the church is like everyone else, and we'll see you there on Sunday like everyone else. Where we should talk about the good works that could have been done with the money it took to produce and distribute a movie!
As for the watch, its surprise final act and clever after-twist with the Christian message (again) had no chance of overcoming either its filler drag or the fact that Christian "horror" movies are a bad idea, no matter how well they're done. -
TheLittleSongbird30 September 2018Was drawn into seeing 'The Last House on Cemetery Lane', with a creepy poster/cover, a fine premise and as someone with a general appreciation for the genre it fits under. That it was low-budget, which from frequent personal experience is rarely a good sign due to that there are so many poor ones out there (though there are decent to good ones as well), made me though apprehensive.
It is sadly however yet another film seen recently, hence some reiteration because the exact same strengths and flaws present in those films are here, that to me was incredibly disappointing considering its potential which it doesn't do anywhere near enough with. 'The Last House on Cemetery Lane' is really quite awful, with so many huge flaws and doesn't do anything with any potential it had. There is net to nothing good here in 'The Last House on Cemetery Lane', a vast majority of it amateurish. Only the house and Lee Bane rise above weak level.
Going on to the negatives, the story does feel over-stretched and some of it comes over as vague and under-explained in the last third where the film especially became duller, more predictable, more senseless and less unsettled and never gaining momentum. All the characters are too sketchy and with cardboard thin and colourless personalities and with nowhere near enough to make one want to endear to them. Their annoying and illogical decision making and behaviours frustrates. The chemistry is bland and unfocused.
The sound quality is obvious and utilised cheaply (being too loud in the build ups and people's reactions), the effects are shoddy and nearly all of the acting (excepting Lee Bane, the least bad thing about the film other than the creepy house) is lacking severely on the whole, that's actually an understatement as the worst of it is horrendous. There is no sense of horror or engagement with the awful predicament they're in, and no connecting with the character, it just reeks of indifference and complete blankness which makes the viewer not care less too.
Dialogue can be stilted and rambling while the pace and film drags on forever, apparent from the very start, never recovering that interest is lost fast. The ending has no build-up and just ends ridiculously. Found too many of the supposedly shocking moments not surprising or scary and the atmosphere dreary, due to the excessive obviousness, a lot of dumb and vague moments and explanations and the lack of tension and suspense. Thrills are none, thanks to stodginess and excessive over-familiarity, and found myself never invested in the drama, which tended to be indifferently acted, interminably paced and statically directed.
A lot of 'The Last House on Cemetery Lane' has really dull and going nowhere plot elements and often nonsensical and confusing character motivations, while too many of the things to make you shocked are far from creative or unsettling. It all feels rather tame while the threat completely lacks menace and looks terrible.
Nothing freaky or interesting, no development and too derivative, while everything is unimaginative and are more odd than scary, completely failing to show any sense of dread. There is nothing interesting or illuminating with what the film was trying to do and the drama is overwrought with no momentum and a lot of weirdness. The direction is barely there and disorganised and the music is ill-fitting. 'The Last House on Cemetery Lane' is very amateurish visually, too drearily lit and shows no care in the way it's shot. The camera work is one of the film's biggest flaws in fact, the worst of it an eyesore.
Concluding, very bad and awful at its worst. 2/10 Bethany Cox -
rhiscose11 May 2022The majority of the film has no horror, no suspense, no progression, no lore, no scares. About 60% (70%?) in it starts but by that time it leaves me asking "why bother with the first half?"
No way back from that for me, disappointing. -
nogodnomasters23 February 2018John Davies (Lee Bane) writes horror stories and suffers from writer's block. He rents a large home and is informed by the owner that Agnes (Vivien Bridson) a blind woman lives up there. She "stares" out the window and never leaves her room...something that seems a bit impossible considering the nature of the human body. While here John meets Cassie (Georgina Blackledge) the neighbor and they become friends. Odd things happen in the house. The record player comes on by itself. Things move about. A bottle he found on the beach appears in the home. He is also having bad dreams.
The film builds up to a climax that was so-so. The special effects were simple to non-existent, but effective. The writing wasn't half bad, yet seemed to lack a few good scenes and one great scene to bring the film home. I did like the ending which leaves the viewer with two options.
Guide: 1 F-bomb that I recall. No sex or nudity. -
urbynwyldcat19 June 2022I am a patient man. I am also a man who enjoys subtle horror. I don't like violence, gore and barely tolerate jump scares. I like my horror subtle. The split second glimpse of a shadow person in the background that is easily missed. That's what drew me towards watching this movie. I made it 12 minutes before I turned it off. Not something I do often.
It's a movie about a writer written by writers who don't know how to write. The majority of those 12 minutes I did watch were obnoxisouly filled by a cheap music video to promote their mate's band, who incidentally also struggle with writing lyrics. They film all this down the beach near their drama school I guess.
The acting isn't exactly bad and the premise had promise for a good story but goddamm...I literally couldn't take any more after that beginning. -
MuzLee0120 March 2023This is not one of them. This movie is an actual brainrot.
The acting is non-existing, it's just random people thrown in front of the camera basically reading lines. And still somehow the scting is miles ahead of the "music" written for this collection of frames, because I for sure wouldn't say it's a mvoie. It's also not scary, but rather laughable but in not a good way. The whole movie feels like how a 10 year old would write a horror movie after wataching the some other bottom of the barrel horror.
Maybe the biggest sin of the film is it being boring. REALLY boring.
Don't ever watch this piece of crap, there is no redeeming quality in it and everyone who was in the movie in any capacity should be ashamed of themselves. -
davagordonuk13 November 2022I have watched some rubbish in the past but i think this has topped the chart of the worst film I have ever watched.
The storyline was rubbish, the acting was sub standard and you had better sound effects from those kids story books that had the 8 sound bite buttons.
I don't think I'll be letting the Mrs choose a movie again after this horrific selection.
I personally would not recommend watching this movie as i have seen scarier things walking around Asda.
If you paid for this movie on prime you wasted your money would would have been better off buying toilet roll or something more useful. -
nverhines18 July 2015I thought the movie was great!! Reminds me of the old black and white movies I used to watch as a kid with my grandma. It starts off a little slow. However it picks up once the spooky things start happening around the house. That doll was creepy. I wasn't a big fan of the background music. I was getting the 70's vibe off it at times from it. Overall I would say It was one of the better horror films I've watched in a while. I thought it was a good clean movie. The characters were interesting and the story line was good. I liked the main characters talk with Agnes. She did a fantastic job with her part. The best part was definitely the last scene.
-
gavin694228 February 2015A screenwriter (Lee Bane) staying in an old manor house in West Wales discovers that it's haunted by malevolent spirits.
Another reviewer said this film "borders on parody" and the general consensus is that this movie should be rated no higher than 3 or 4 out of 10. I disagree, because I do not believe the film borders on parody. I think it is actively trying to be a parody. And for that it is deceptively clever.
We start with the title, which is an obvious ripoff of "Last House on the Left" and "House by the Cemetery" (among others). There is the "Last House on the Lane" song from Bobby Cole. The ouija board? The writer in an old house? There is just so much going on here in the way of cliché and nods that go far beyond an "homage". I have to assume this was all intentional.
And yet, there is no humor here. Not a dark humor, or a subtle humor or any humor at all. Which may be why people think it is supposed to be taken seriously. For me, this makes it all the more brilliant. Not a great film, not in the least, but deceptively clever. How many references can you spot? -
curtisbreeze-7131120 July 2022I mean it's a low budget film with a twist I didn't see coming. So low budget films go down as cult classics, this is something I hope I never have to see again.
Could be a 1 or 2 but the twist did redeem it somewhat. Still can't save the bad acting though. -
fdt-0781320 December 2022Contrary to the apparent popular opinion here, I found the movie worth watching, although I would certainly not bother watching it again. Yes, one could probably find many faults with this movie, especially if you are a hardcore horror fan. As for me, I prefer a good story and atmosphere over blood and gore; and I prefer subtlety and suggestion over screaming violins and deformed, rotting faces popping out behind every corner; which may go some way in explaining why this film wasn't too bad in my opinion.
Now, as a rule, I try not to get drawn into responding to other reviews on here; but for once I will make an exception: It concerns a reviewer describing the film as a "Christian horror" and then effectively using their whole review as an opportunity for launching a thinly veiled attack on Christianity. Considering the reviewer's assessment in context of what Agnes is saying to John towards the end of their conversation, this film can hardly be regarded as "conveying a Christian message". Also, I'm quite sure that no one has "shoved this movie down your throat" - or anybody else's, for that matter. You chose to watch it (to the end it would seem), and you could just as easily have chosen to stop watching at any point. So, rather leave the attacks for a different time & place - they succeed in nothing more than conveying a certain degree of hostility and ignorance. -
dianadoyle-295806 March 2023Yeah only horror is man walking around jhouse in speedos that's a horror. Slow and boring nearly fell asleep and I love horror movies come on show us something scary I can't believe I wasted my time watching this.the best thing about it was set in wales and had welsh music around the town and the scenery was beautiful very bad actor and who is she in the Aran jumper always calling round and whyshe not married something funny there but it's not a horror more a drama plus he never goes out for food but is always eating and old time mobile and Agnes doesn't come out of the roo.m hope other people enjoy.