Richie Lanz: There are four sacred bonds in this life: A parent and child, a husband and wife, a priest and confessor... and manager-talent.

Bombay Brian: What about doctor-patient?

Bombay Brian: [to Richie] First you lose your girl. Now you're gonna lose your head. You're running out of shit to lose.

Riza: [translating for village chief] "I am tired of war, and I cannot afford the peace. Allah helps the innocent."

Richie Lanz: We have a saying: "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Richie Lanz: I heard a girl singing just now. Right over there. A Pashtun girl.

Riza: No. Impossible.

Richie Lanz: The girl in the red burka. We saw her today.

Riza: No, Pashtun women cannot. They are forbidden to sing.

Richie Lanz: The chick in the red burka didn't get the memo.

Salima: From the moment you heard me sing, since you found me in the cave, since we were put here on this earth, everything in our lives has led us to this time, this place.

Richie Lanz: Richie Lanz. Our story is already written, and now... now we shall play our parts. We must. There is no choice.

Salima: It is God's will.

Richie Lanz: Okay, but I'm gonna want 20%. No contract. Just a handshake. That's all I've ever had. A handshake is my word.

Salima: Allah loves those who act justly.

Richie Lanz: All right. Back in the trunk.

Salima: [heads back toward the car]

Richie Lanz: I'm kidding!

Daoud: No! You do not lecture me about courage, about my country. Never. Never. Not you. Not an American. You people. You talk and talk. Have been talking at us for far too long. Courage? There are more death threats on this show than singers.

Richie Lanz: What kind of warlord throws a pool party on a weekday?

Richie Lanz: This is so crazy, so random. This has got to be fate. There's got to be a reason for this. And the reason is that girl, and that TV show. I am supposed to be here. I will talk. You will translate.

Riza: We will die.

Richie Lanz: That's the spirit.

Merci: First little bump in the road and Mr. Richie's just giving up, slinking back to his little Van Nuys world.

Richie Lanz: I don't think you know quite what you're talking about.

Merci: Nah. I don't know shit. I know, 'cause my daddy told me that. "Merci, just shut up. Put on a tube top. Go find yourself a rich man while you still can." And for a long time, too long, I believed him. But you know what, Richie? I am not dumb. I'm gonna walk out of here with a serious nest egg.

Richie Lanz: Thanks for not killing me.

Tariq: [answers in Pashtun]

Richie Lanz: What did he say?

Riza: "The day is not over yet."

[first lines]

Maureen: [having just finished singing her audition] Mr. Lanz? I'm done.

Richie Lanz: [long pause] No.

[sighs]

Richie Lanz: Forgive me. No. You're just beginning.

Maureen: You liked it?

Richie Lanz: Liked it? You made me want to swallow poison. And forget pitch, rhythm and tone... and emotional attachment to the lyric or the melody.

Maureen: I'm sorry. I don't think I...

Richie Lanz: A grain of sand slips into an oyster... and irritates the bivalve. What happens?

Maureen: A pearl.

Richie Lanz: Celine Dion. Miss Nicki Minaj. Christina Aguilera occasionally. All of them deeply, profoundly irritating. Each one of 'em a huge star. You - mighty Mo - are that irritant.

[inhales]

Maureen: So you'll represent me?

Richie Lanz: If you'll have me... Richie Lanz Management... globally, in all markets.

Maureen: [squeals, laughs]

Ronnie: [entering] Welcome to the team.

Maureen: Thank you! Thank you. So $1,200?

Richie Lanz: It's just to cover wardrobe, studio time, gym classes.

Maureen: Oh, I go to a gym...

Richie Lanz: Wanna get you a good blender too.