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  • France's premier porno label Marc Dorcel built its rep on quality, but FAMILY AFFAIR is typical of a spate of nothing, generic titles spewed out to capitalize on debased tastes in the marketplace. My interest is waning, as none of these new titles cries out for a second viewing -they seem to self-destruct as rapidly as Peter Graves' poor tape recorders did on "Mission: Impossible".

    Marquee bait is not an issue (major reason why I succumb to still buying these junkers, not unlike the draw of Brazzers compilations), with Anna Polina and Tarra White in major roles. But Max Bellocchio, aka Alessandro del Mar, delivers strictly the bare minimum: sexy women, big dicks, Dorcell-mandatory condoms and attractive locations.

    The storyline, if one wishes to call it that, is arbitrary and pointless. Nondescript male lead George (unidentified but presumably George Uhl) takes his wife and daughter Silvia on vacation to the Caribbean, with Silvia's BFF Anna Polina tagging along (and of course, Polina is the key element of the video). Their non- adventures are unlikely to grab the notice of Warner Bros. as a potential new franchise in the Chevy Chase "Vacation" genre - rather the trip is just an excuse for ho-hum XXX content.

    VIdeo's best element is all-location shooting, with all sex scenes outdoors and in fact no footage at all indoors. Even Reese Witherspoon's WILD occasionally went inside for a kitchen scene with her mom or some other pit stop.

    Semblance of drama or suspense is introduced (and soon frittered away) by mom (Daria Glower as a blonde) pretending to go for a riding lesson on the group's "free day" (where they split up against dad George's objections to see the sights solo) but instead humping a generic stud she knows somehow (not clear what her local connection is). Nothing comes of her infidelity as attention is mainly focused on the younger femmes.

    With threesomes perhaps the keyword here, daughter Nataly Von eventually takes center stage, simply because she is a fresh young thing to attract the looks-underage segment of the porn voyeur market. Slim, attractive and "unspoiled" Von qualifies as mid-teen years casting for looks, and is fun to watch coping with the big dicks that a superstar like Polina or Tarra has imbibed a thousand times effortlessly.

    Other cuties like Melanie Memphis are injected into the mix without benefit of a name or character to go with their sex acts, and after six hump scenes the family vows to return on Christmas vacation, what's known in the trade as the "uh-oh, a sequel" moment. Even the slapstick that has made WB a fortune with or without Chevy Chase wouldn't have saved this dull, assembly-line porn video.