Rivers 9 (2015) User Reviews (6)

Not a casino win

[TheLittleSongbird · 4/10 · 19 September 2018]

Liked the concept, while not an original one it was intriguing and there was the potential for 'Rivers 9' to have an element of fun, and have an appreciation for the genre 'Rivers 9' belongs in. The cast is not a halfway bad one, not great but they're hardly F-list. It is always interesting somewhat having the casino used as a setting in films.

Seeing 'Rivers 9', it is lacking in a lot of areas, quite badly, and not what one calls a good film. Didn't find it terrible or unwatchable at the same time, there are far worse films around, ones that show less enthusiasm or effort. Both of which can be seen sporadically in 'Rivers 9', if not all the way through. The potential was there, the execution was not and that potential is near-wasted, which is a shame actually.

'River 9's' best asset is the cast, most giving better than average performances. Particularly Thomas Downey as an amiable and gritty lead and C. Thomas Howell having a ball in a rather underused role. Vinnie Jones does show charisma and intensity, not looking disengaged. The music doesn't come over over-bearingly or inappropriately.

Visually, 'Rivers 9' is not an eyesore and has some slickness. There are moments of excitement and tension.

Neither of which coming consistently sadly. Tighter pacing would have helped, as a result of the story for the concept being on the thin side that filling enough content for the length was a stretch. It is too predictable to have much suspense and thrills and structurally it's pretty all over the place. The conflict wasn't that threatening and it didn't feel that much was at stake with so much familiar ground being trodden.

The script is also quite clunky and not easy to take seriously, with some humour that didn't land or fit. So it was difficult to decide whether to take it seriously or not, the serious story and less than tight pace indicated the former but then there is the humour and some camp stereotypical characters that made me not so sure. There is an exception to the cast and that is Elisabeth Rohm, rather wooden and one-note for my taste though her role is thankless. The film did lose plausibility towards the end and then ends on a too hasty and pat note.

Concluding, lacklustre and messy but could have been much worse. 4/10 Bethany Cox

A film that does not run rivers

[videorama-759-859391 · 4/10 · 30 July 2015]

Rivers 9 is b grade, and more trash for Howell to do. The whole plot, whatever is nothing new, where it uses larger than life characters to compensate for what is just bad b grade fare. The acting isn't the problem, Vinnie Jones a standout, playing what he plays best. He plays a real bastard here, where we see another nasty side of him. I don't know what the F he was doing in his. Ed O Ross, I missed, because he's unrecognizable as a bad wannabe thespian at this dodgy casino run by sleazebag Jones, a two bid thug, who works for the mob. Our lead, Thomas Downey, gave a impressive and take note performance of realism, exhibiting a lot of emotion as a down on his luck guy/loser who works as a mechanic. Getting bopped by Jones, on the account of one of his thug employees causing a fracture to his windscreen, whatever, he declares war, which results in him and his wife and her daughter, nearly being blown to smithereens. The exterior shots outside of his caravan, and living premises, honestly gave the feel, it was shot on a stage. Now really pi..ed, in the wake of these thugs taking what he had, him and a few accomplices, including a couple of employees (one love smitten for the daughter, where a nice romantic scene eventuates) hatch a plan to rob a safe in Jones's office, full of moolah. What was disappointing here, among other things, was the under use of Tommy Howell's fine performance as a backwards talking, "thinks his hot s..t" cop, whose car doesn't run on the best tyres for some reason. The film's well acted by the others too, and the heist part of the picture doesn't end how you think. It's a thought provoking ending for all the good folk concerned. Making Thommy Howell, as a bad cop, was so obvious too, way before he showed his real self. Rivers 9 with a nice opening score, is full of some crazy characters, good performances and some quite human and funny moments. The daughter and the mother were lovely, but this film falls to the obvious, of a limited funded b grade, and "seen it all before story", with no real new angle. That's clearly the film's problem, and you'll notice that from the opening shot. This joins all the other fodder of Howell's, in that descent into b grade many years ago.

Wow

[saburaukami-645-566777 · 1/10 · 5 July 2015]

I can't believe I sat down and watched this.

The acting was just so horrible. The writer and director need to put some more time into thinking about what people would say and do in a movie. Seriously Mobster A tells a chick he is gonna slaughter her and ship her to Mexico and she just says "I love Mexico." I can't really tell what the director was going for. Just plain stupid? or if he was serious about how tacky everything was. The racist jokes were absolutely tasteless and out of place.

Don't waste your time. If you want comedy and a mob movie, watch The Whole Nine Yards, or even better Analise This.

I DO HAVE PRINTS THAT LOOK BLUE

[nogodnomasters · 6/10 · 22 June 2018]

The film opens with a teaser scene that takes place 6 minutes from the end of the film. The town of Plainview is lucky enough to have a new casino, one that takes their money. Jake Rivers (Thomas Downey) is an honest hard working mechanic who helps out the town folk. He lives in a trailer with his wife Grace (Elisabeth Röhm) who works at the town diner and his sister Skye (Kayla Carlyle) who is a cocktail waitress at the casino.

When a rock from a casino construction truck breaks Jake's windshield, he visits the Casino manager (Vinnie Jones) which doesn't end well as the tit-for-tat escalates until we have an Ocean's 9 er ah River 9 caper.

This doesn't have the greatest plot or action. The attraction is the characters. Jamie Kennedy plays a half-wit. Leslie Easterbrook is a cougar. Neil Brown Jr. is another half-wit. Recommend as a rental

Guide: Sex. No real nudity. No F-bombs that I recall.

Don't think other reviewer gets it

[kjnawrocki · 8/10 · 18 July 2015]

This isn't some hugely high budget mobster comedy like THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. That is like comparing apples to oranges in content, cash budget, and casting 'options' when TWNY was a major motion picture.

That being said this is charming, endearing, smaller indie version of OCEANS 11. Some absolute stand outs for casting (Ed O'Ross is a gem in everything and anything. Vinnie Jones has great presence. ) The fun camp factor is definitely there with Easterbrook, C. Thomas, Dante. It is what it is and enjoyable for it!

I think the other reviewer who gave it 1 star was harsh or didn't really see it for what was intended. Give it a shot.

Umm....hello? It's a parody.

[dskaradz · 6/10 · 21 April 2018]

"Rivers Nine"? Doesn't it remind you of any other titles? Like "Ocean's (fill in the #)? I thought it was sweet and pretty darn funny. It kind of goes all over the place, but if it's Sunday evening and you want something mildly entertaining on the tube, it fits.