Gru: You told me my father died of disappointment the day I was born!
Agnes: The soup of the day, madame and monsieur. The Gummi Bears were my idea.
Gru: [Looks warily at soup] Mmm. Looks almost too good to even eat. Am I right?
Agnes: But I made it for you.
Gru: [Takes a spoonful, struggles to avoid retching] Mmm, mmm, mmm! Good soup! I love the combination...
Gru: ... of Gummi Bears and meat.
Dru: Face it, Gru! Villainy is in your blood!
Minion: [looks at a statue of a Gru relative and laughs; to another Minion] Hey, sesct Gru gon boobs!
Mel the Minion: [singing onstage in the Sing competition with other Minions] Pito pato milo mila taka tiki poulet tika Cepa la joi demitoka lana moule macarena. Pao leggis pabo pati mele cepa maka guta mami lebel mela mustache elle muchaaaa...
Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru. How's your transition coming? You know, from world's worst villain to world's worst agent.
[pulls out a gun and aims it at Gru]
Gru: [sarcastic] Oh, that's hilarious. You should be on TV.
[slaps the gun away]
Gru: Oh, that's right, you were!
[aims the Freeze Ray and aims it at Bratt]
Gru: But then you got canceled!
Balthazar Bratt: [kicks the Freeze Ray away; pulls out a humongous gun and aims it at Gru] Ha ha!
Gru: Oh, what about that?
[punches the gun away and squirts a squirt gun at Bratt]
Gru: Whaa...? Ah, girls!
[throws the squirt gun at Bratt and throws punches at him]
Balthazar Bratt: [dodges the punches] Dance fight!
[dodges and dances as Gru tries to catch him]
Margo: No, I meant to be tougher on them, not me!
Dru: [to Gru] I brought you here to continue the family business. Villainy is in your blood!
Agnes: [to the Scar Faced Man] You saw a for real, like, unicorn? What did it look like? Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? Was it FLUFFY?
The Scar Faced Man: It was so fluffy... I thought I was gonna die!
[Agnes smiles and screams extremely loud]
Lucy Wilde: [outside the shop] Agnes!
[breaks in and severely attacks everyone]
Lucy Wilde: Excuse me!
[grabs a dart from someone and puts it in another person]
Lucy Wilde: Don't worry, I'm here!
[picks Agnes up]
Lucy Wilde: Are you okay?
Edith: Yeah, we're fine. Are you...?
Agnes: Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find ONE!
[happily runs outside the shop]
Lucy Wilde: [to everyone who is knocked out on the floor after she attacked them] Sorry. Went a little mamma bear on ya. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one!
[from TV Spot]
Gru: Minions, we're going back to villainy!
Prisoner: [to a Minion after they all shower] We've been waiting a long time.
Prisoner: [Minion whips him with towel] No, no!
Balthazar Bratt: [Repeated line] I've been a bad boy!
Gru: I miss the Minions!
Dru: [to Gru] Your discomfort is hilarious!
Balthazar Bratt: You know, Clive, playing a villain on TV was fun... but being one in real life is even better! Heist music!
Clive the Robot: Here it comes.
[puts cassette on radio; "Take My Breath Away" plays]
Balthazar Bratt: What? Clive, what are you doing? How is that heist music!
Clive the Robot: Sorry, my bad.
[Flips cassette over; "Bad" by Michael Jackson plays]
Dru: [to Gru] Ready to be villains together?
Gru: How about we steal the largest diamond in the WORLD?
Lucy Wilde: [to Gru and Dru] Aw, it's so nice to see that you two are getting along. Oh, that's delightful. Not creepy at all. You're gonna stop now though, right?
Margo: Uh, it's okay to tell them no sometimes, too, you know. Moms need to be tough.
Balthazar Bratt: Jamone!
Valerie Da Vinci: [looking at a photo of Bratt's attack on a military ship] It's some kind of monster!
Silas: Wait, that's not a monster!
Silas: That's a man wearing shoulder pads. There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated... Balthazar Bratt. I want every agent on the scene immediately!
Gru: [sees a military ship covered in Bratt's bubble gum] WHAAA?
Lucy Wilde: Get ready!
Gru: Get ready for wha...
[Lucy propels him off his water bike and onto a military ship]
Gru: ... aaaaAAAAHH...
Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru.
[threatens Gru with his large gun]
Balthazar Bratt: Ha ha!
Gru: [knocks the gun away] Oh, what about that?
[squirts a squirt gun in Bratt's face]
Gru: Wha? Agh, girls!
[tries to punch Bratt, who slides beneath him]
Balthazar Bratt: Dance fight!
[dodges, dances, and sings all at once as Gru tries to catch him]
Lucy Wilde: Nobody, NOBODY curses my daughter, you got that? Because if you mess with Margo, you mess with me! And I promise, you do not want to mess with me! Do you understand me?
Valerie Da Vinci: You let the most wanted villain just get away! You're fired!
Gru: There's always a blind guy!
[from TV Spot]
Prisoner: [accidentally kicks a ball the the Minions, who take advantage of it] Hey, give that back!
[Minions refuse and attack]
[from TV Spot]
[Minions come into prison room snapping fingers]
Prisoner: Oh, no. Run!
[show them a Hawaiian decorated tree]
Gru: [irritated] This is unexpected...
Margo: [puts a lei with flowers on it on Gru] Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so...
Edith: [recording with her phone] ... we made you dinner!
Agnes: It's a luau!
[hands Lucy a lei with flowers on it]
Agnes: We got pineapples and coconuts and ukuleles!
[drags Lucy as Margo drags Gru]
Gru: [irritated still] Oh, yay...
Dru: [from trailer] My brother! Finally, I'm meeting you!
Valerie Da Vinci: [to Gru and Lucy] How could you let Balthazar Bratt just get away? You're fired!
Gru: I can't wait to meet my brother!
Gru: I'm going in!
Military Guard: [steps on Bratt's bubble gum] Ew...
Balthazar Bratt: This is not over!
[overpowers Gru with gun]
Military Officer: [to Bratt as he attempts to steal the largest diamond in the world] Freeze!
[Bratt throws an exploding 80s rubix cube at him and other guards]