- [as the G.I. Joes win an Emmy award in PSAs]
- Cobra Commander: Look at them, Destro! The Joes churn out pedestrian advice to dead-eyed children, and the public eats it up! "Hey kids, don't play with poles and electric lights!" - reads like a dispatch from the No Shit Clinic!
- Destro: I'll get the nerve gas!
- Cobra Commander: No, you fool, we'll beat them at their own game! We will create our own PSAs!
- Cobra Commander: Okay, Storm Shadow, these two children will be running with scissors. Now this upsets you, and...
- Storm Shadow: Why?
- Cobra Commander: Well, it's dangerous to run with scissors!
- Storm Shadow: I run with katana! Is that not dangerous?
- Cobra Commander: Wow, I hadn't thought of that! Excellent point, Storm Shadow!
- [to Tomax]
- Cobra Commander: Get this piece of shit off my set!
- [a boy runs with scissors and gets himself killed]
- Storm Shadow: Well, Cobra Commander, looks like I owe you an apology...
- Baroness: [enters] Oh, I forgot you guys were in here writing! I was just looking for a hammer to hang my degree in screenwriting from Applebee's! Anything I can do for you while I'm in here?
- [pause]
- Baroness: Destro?
- Destro: She's actually really funny, guys...
- Cobra Commander: You lost me at "She's". Fuck it, we're doing it without a script!
- Cobra Commander: [reading to two children] And I think you'll find it's not hard to read when you take the time to... sssound it out.
- [the children giggle]
- Cobra Commander: Oh, yes, I have a sssmall ssspeech impediment.
- [the children laugh]
- Cobra Commander: IT'S NOT FUNNY!
- [his helmet falls off, and the children are horrified at his scar-torn face. Commander pulls out a gun and shoots the children]
- Cobra Commander: Shut. It. Down!